


Major

by a_skyfull_of_starz



Series: Jane Shepard's War Memoires [3]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Ingame content, Original Character(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Some Canon, Some Fluff, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:28:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 66,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22544800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_skyfull_of_starz/pseuds/a_skyfull_of_starz
Summary: We're finally getting to the ingame content (specifically Mass Effect 1), although this is still not 100% sticking to the canon, because I'm annoying like that.Recommended for the N7 programme, Major Jane Shepard has a lot to prove.  And even more to prove when she gets put in charge of investigating the disappearance of an important prothean beacon.  All whilst her boy trouble continues to make life difficult for her.Book three in the Jane Shepard's War Memoire series
Series: Jane Shepard's War Memoires [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1278704
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	1. 12 January 2185

** Batarians evicted from the Citadel **

Presidium, the Citadel: at ten thirty sol this morning the final batarians left on the Citadel were to have vacated the Citadel. Exactly one month ago, on 12 December 2184, the batarian ambassador, Ratch Kresh, was given a solar month by the Council to close his embassy and remove his people from the Citadel, following their withdrawal of batarian troops from Skyllia on 17 November 2184 after the so-called Skyllian Blitz, where two million humans and fifty thousand batarians lost their lives. The batarians allegedly violated several clauses from the Treaty of Farinx, most notably Clause Fifty Seven, which states that any new weapon discovered by a Council species or a species under Council protection, should first be tested and approved by the Council. Furthermore, the use of human civilians as collateral to force an Alliance surrender was deemed inhumane.

“All life is precious,” Councillor Asheel, the asari Councillor, told a packed press conference after the batarian surrender. “We understand that a degree of loss of life is inevitable in war, but to deliberately kill civilians on such a large scale is inhumane and cruel, and goes against everything the Council stands for.”

Meanwhile, the human ambassador, Donnel Udina, states that he is ‘thrilled’ with the result. “The Alliance is pleased with the outcome of the Skyllian war,” he told journalists. “We are thrilled, and relieved that the war is over.” When asked to confirm or deny the rumours that humans were being considered to join the Spectres, he merely answered, “No comment.”

Ratch Kresh however is understandably not pleased with the turn of events. “The day will come when the Council will regret what has happened here,” he was heard to say. “And on that day, the Hegemony will sit back and laugh.”

Whether this is just empty bluster from our batarian friends, or whether he is being serious, one thing’s for sure: the batarians are no longer a friend of the Council’s.


	2. June to August, 2185: the villa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane has to go through N7 training with a few old friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome all to the third instalment of this really strange series. If you haven't already done so, I would recommend reading the first two in this series, as this is not a standalone story and I have made a right confusion of the canon in these books (I know they're long, but it'll save a lot of confusion). 
> 
> Also, as mentioned in the blurb, this story is based on the events of Mass Effect 1, and therefore there will be a lot of similarity to that plot. However, I have once again added my own brand of confusion, so there is some difference in the timeline, period, history, appearance and general aesthetic. Hope you all enjoy.

The timer on the bomb said we had less than three minutes left to live.

“Can we hurry it up?” my companion, Analyst Karai asked. “My arms are killing me.”

We were cramped together in an underground tunnel, and he had spent the last seven minutes holding two strands of wire, one red, the other green apart with a pair of screw drivers.

I glared at him. “Can you shut up?” I snapped. “I’m thinking.”

“No wonder it’s taking so long then,” he mumbled.

“I thought we’d discussed this, Karai,” I said impatiently. “I’m the badass, sarcastic one. You’re the hopeless minion I always insult. It’s about continuity.”

“We’re going to die in two and a half minutes,” he mumbled.

I decided to ignore him. “There are three strands, one yellow, one green and one white,” I said instead. “There are normally two, one red, one blue. That means that one of these wires is an Earth wire, and therefore useless in the grander scheme of things.”

“Why are you telling me this,” Analyst Karai asked.

“I was hoping you’d turn into an explosives expert in the time it took me to say those words,” I said in my special sarcastic and badass way.

“I’m an N1,” he snapped. “And I’m married.”

“I’m a Pisces, yet you don’t see me making a big deal about it,” I said impatiently. “Right, the earth wire is usually white, and the wire connecting the detonator to the timer is usually on top. Therefore, I’m cutting the yellow wire.”

“Go ahead,” Analyst Karai said sarcastically. “And before we die, it’s been an honour, Major.”

I went back to ignoring him, and carefully severed the yellow wire with my pliers. The timer, which now read one minute, continued to count down.

“Well, that was dramatic,” Analyst Karai said sarcastically.

“Sarcasm ill befits you,” I said. “I must have cut the earth wire. Any ideas?”

“We could run,” he suggested.

“Or I could beat you senseless with the explosive,” I said. “I’m stronger than I look, and enclosed spaces tend not to agree with me.” He wisely chose not to say anything to that. “Ok, I have a fifty per cent chance of getting this wrong,” I said determinedly. “What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

“We could die,” Analyst Karai said.

I gave him a pitying look. “We’re not going to die,” I said. On a whim, I chose the green wire and cut through it. The timer stopped dead with five seconds to spare.

“Oorah,” I said with feeling. “Long live the Alliance.”

“Can I move my arms now?” Analyst Karai asked crankily.

“Only if you want it to go off,” I said. I pressed a button on the omnitool around my wrist. “Come in base.”

“Go ahead,” a voice in my ear said. It was coming from the earpiece in my ear, which was linked to my omnitool. Despite current rumours, I wasn’t actually crazy.

“This is Team Juliette,” I said. “Explosive has been disabled. Awaiting further instructions.”

“Copy, team Juliette,” the voice said, sounding far less excited that I had passed the test than I thought was decent. “Proceed to the end of the tunnel. Extraction is waiting.”

“Copy,” I said. “Juliette out. Come on,” I said to Analyst Karai.

“I thought you said it’d go off if I moved my arms,” Analyst Karai said.

“Yeah, I was talking about myself,” I said. “Let’s go.”

The tunnel opened up into a large field of sand, more commonly known as the Rio desert, where a Mako lorry was waiting to take us back to my least favourite place on Earth. Del Sol Academy for Basic Marine Training.

.....

I thought that after I’d graduated as a fully-fledged private from Del Sol Academy six years ago, I’d never have to return. Sadly I’d been wrong. Almost seven months ago, the Skyllian Blitz happened, where millions of humans died, and I had, among other things, been jumped two ranks to be the in-field commanding officer of my squad, survived the Skyllian Blitz, done a suicidal crossing of the No-Man’s Land, with neither the training nor the rank, gotten all but three of my squad killed, and not gone bat-shit insane afterwards. For some reason, this was thought to be a good enough performance to have me recommended for Interplanetary Combative Training at Del Sol academy. To be recommended was an honour. To pass the training and receive the designation of N7 was a much-coveted prize.

However, getting that prize was turning out to be a greater challenge than I’d expected. The moment we had landed at Del Sol in December, we’d been taken to the command centre in the villa (the villa being the colloquial term given to the area of Del Sol that housed the N7 recruits. I think it was meant to be ironical or something). 

“Welcome back,” the man in charge of our training, a Lieutenant Scott had said on our first day. “We hope you’ll enjoy being back here.” 

We all stared at him. Most marines tended not to remember basic training with any kind of fondness.

“Now that we’ve all arrived, it’s time to get the show on the road,” he continued rubbing his hands together with indecent glee. 

We weren’t given the opportunity to relax, unpack, take stock or anything like that. Instead, we were chivvied into survival gear and put into a shuttle.

“Where are we going?” one of the other recruits, Lieutenant Commander Horowitz asked as we left Earth behind.

“It wouldn’t be very becoming if we told you,” Lieutenant Scott said calmly.

“That’s hardly fair,” Catlin McDougal, a red-haired lieutenant from Horizon, who happened to be a contentious, snide bitch and my arch nemesis from the time we had trained together at Del Sol academy, asked. “Now the others are going to get worried.”

“Nervous, McDougal?” I asked out the corner of my mouth.

“As if,” she said, scowling at me. “But I’m referring to our more PTSD-inclined companions.”

Obviously, because I’d been through so much during the blitz, I could only have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

To be honest, Cat and my relationship was already quite strange, owing mostly to the fact that I’d been present when her father had been executed live on galactic television by our batarian captors. I’d been due to die next when we had been rescued. I wondered sometimes if Cat wished that we’d been ordered differently, that I’d been standing in her father’s place. If I was in her position, I probably would’ve.

We were dropped off on an asteroid floating close to Mars, with enough oxygen to survive for an hour. If people ran out of oxygen before that hour was up, they’d be kicked out of the programme.

This seemed simple enough, in theory. However, people tended to panic, not know how to use their equipment correctly, fall down, pass out, or, in rare cases, have asthma attacks. All of these lead to oxygen being used up too quickly. Luckily for me, my asthma and claustrophobia did not cause me any issues, and I made it to the end of the exercise.

I was actually doing surprisingly well in training, scoring high in marksmanship (because my father had been nuts and trained me to use a gun before he taught me to read), hand-to-hand (pretty much the same point applied here), and (oddly enough) leadership. I was also doing fairly well in fitness and recon. Strangely, I was also scoring highly in theory classes, such as advanced mathematics (I had been terrible at math until I worked as a financier on the Everest, the ship I had previously been serving on), astronomy (which had pretty much taken over from geography in just about everything), and combat strategies and advanced combat tactics. In fact, this explosives circumvention exercise was the first time I’d done really badly in an activity.

.....

Back at the villa, I reported directly to the command centre, where the twelve N7 recruits that were left were already gathered. The command centre was a large room with lots of chairs arranged around the centre, and desks with terminals on them around the outer walls. My grunt slave, a Junior Recruit Tanya Holofsky, who I had nicknamed Mouse, owing to the fact that she continuously spoke in a very soft voice, and that was only when asked a question that required an answer that couldn’t be given by some form of non-verbal communication, came forward and took my Bag of Life and my weapons belt from me.

“Right, that’s everyone,” Lieutenant Scott said, as I sat down. “Welcome back, one and all. How did you all find that?”

I resisted the urge to say, ‘You took us there’, or something equally snarky.

“It was tough,” Major Ngesha, one of the recruits, said. “I’ve been trained to expect two wires in an explosive. I wasn’t sure what to do with the third.”

“So what did you do?” Lieutenant Scott asked.

“Well, I took apart the base of the explosive, and from that I could deduce which wire was a decoy, and which wire connected the timer to the detonator, and which set the explosive off,” Cat said smugly. “It took me about three minutes.”

“I guessed,” I said.

“You did what?” Cat asked, sounding shocked.

“You heard me the first time, McDuff,” I said. “I had a one in three chance of guessing wrong, and setting the explosive off. That took me fifty seconds in total. The other four minutes was spent getting over the shock of seeing three wires instead of two.”

“You don’t guess in a combat situation,” Cat said. “That leads to deaths.”

“You don’t let ginger knowitalls in either, yet here you sit,” I snapped.

“Enough,” Lieutenant Scott said. “Second Lieutenant Broome, Major Karumf and Lieutenant Commander Hobbes, you three were below the cut-off time of five seconds, which means that you are all out of the programme.”

If five seconds had been the cut-off, I must have just made it. Lieutenant Scott confirmed this by saying, “Major Gershwin, Staff Lieutenant Hertzog and Major Shepard, you three were within the cut-off, but you three did the most poorly. Our top recruit was Staff Lieutenant McDougal, who took three minutes and five seconds to disable the explosive.”

The applause was lukewarm at best. Cat was not very popular among the others, perhaps the only thing I held above her.

“Alright, you are all dismissed,” Lieutenant Scott said. “You have an astronomy test tonight, so study hard. We’ll have our next infield test in two days’ time.”

.....

Back in my room, I changed out of my combat armour and put on a pair of jeans and my brand new N7 hoodie. About the only thing that made ICT training better than basic training or about everything else involved with being a member of the Alliance Marine Corps was that we got to wear civvies in our down-time. When I’d heard this, I’d gone on a panicked shopping spree, as the last time I’d worn civvies was when I was sixteen. Unless you counted my best friend Ash’s wedding six months ago where I’d been her maid of honour. I didn’t count it because, as a rule, I never wore dresses or high heels. I was a hoodie, jeans and sneakers sort of gal.

I went to the mirror and examined myself critically. Four foot eleven and ninety pounds, one would never think I’d get this far in the military. My stature was the least of it. My face looked like it had been put together by a drunken toddler, who had no idea of what an aesthetically pleasing visage was. My face was gaunt, my skin honey-coloured, and covered in a multitude of freckles, my nose was slightly too long, my lips slightly too full, and my cheekbones slightly too high. My eyes were startling blue and almond shaped. My hair was shoulder-length, thick and dark. About the only interesting feature of my face was a long scar that ran from the left corner of my lips to about my left ear. A trophy from a battle with a thresher maw on Akuze, where I’d lost my entire squad. 

I turned away from the mirror and decided to get back to studying for the astronomy test. I’d barely sat down at my desk when there was a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” I asked in a disguised voice. “If that’s Lieutenant McDougal, Major Shepard’s gone on a long journey and won’t be back for quite some time.”

“It’s Junior Recruit Holofsky,” a timorous voice said.

“Come in Mouse,” I said in my normal voice.

She came in, blushing furiously as she did so. “Pardon me, major,” she said softly.

“What’s up?” I asked.

“Um, Commander Anderson’s on the QEC for you,” she said.

“Again?” I asked tiredly. Commander Anderson, my former PT instructor from Del Sol and my soon to be commanding officer, had been calling me at least once a day about some of the most mundane issues that can be imagined. “What does he want this time?”

“He wouldn’t say,” Mouse murmured. “But he said it’s urgent.”

“Right,” I said, turning back to my work. “Make me a cup of coffee, would you, Mouse?”

“Yes ma’am,” Mouse whispered.

As I drank my coffee, I pondered how anyone would think she would be a good officer in the future. She was too silent. Granted, I knew twelve year olds that were taller than me, but at least I had a loud voice.

“Aren’t you going to answer the call?” Mouse asked. She immediately started blushing again as I turned to look at her.

“Of course I am,” I said. “I need to recaffenate myself first. Have you ever spoken to Commander Anderson, Mouse?” She shook her head. “No, well you wouldn’t, now that Lieutenant Scott has taken over fitness training here. Anyway, the point is you need to have a lot of caffeine running through your veins to be able to do it.” 

I drained my cup. “Alright, I’m off,” I said. “If I don’t return, tell my brother that it was quick and painless.”

Mouse blinked in confusion. I lit up as I dawdled to the command centre. I then went to the bathroom, retied my hair into a pony tail, and minutely examined the paint job on the walls. Commander Anderson was fuming by the time I reached the QEC in the back of the command centre.

“Where the hell have you been?” he snapped.

“You know, you really ought to stop calling me,” I told him. “People will talk.”

“Ken, I’ve stated my reasons as to why I can’t date you on a number of occasions, the most obvious one being that you’re underage,” he said impatiently. Owing to his own perverse sense of humour, Commander Anderson pretended I was an eleven year old boy named Ken. “What the fuck took you so long to get here?”

“I’m busy with N7 training,” I snapped. “You don’t think I have many important things to do?”

“Christ, I was really hoping you’d flunked out by now so that I could get a decent bloody officer to take your place,” he groaned. Commander Anderson had been asked to be in command of the Alliance’s newest frigate, the SSV Normandy. For some unclear reason, he’d asked me to be his executive officer once I’d finished ICT training.

“If you don’t want me, I can always ask to be given my own ship,” I said.

“I’ve said it once, Ken, and I’ll say it again,” Commander Anderson said impatiently. “It’s never going to happen.”

“You said I wouldn’t get more than an N2 designation, yet here I am,” I said. “What do you want? It’d better be important, I have an astronomy test tonight.”

“I spoke to Second Lieutenant Antonio,” he said. “She’s not interested in joining our crew.”

I sighed. That’s usually what Commander Anderson called me about these days: people who had joined the crew of the Normandy, and people who hadn’t. I knew I should be flattered that he valued my opinion so highly, but to be honest, we usually ended up insulting each other and then hanging up.

“That sucks,” I said.

“Too right it sucks,” he snapped. “Ken, you’re friends with her…”

“That’s a bit strong,” I said. “We’re allies. I don’t think we’d be able to stand each other’s company if we met socially.”

“Whatever, you still get on better with her than most,” Commander Anderson said. “Speak to her, get her on the ship.”

“Why do you want Carlotta Antonio so badly?” I asked.

“Well, she’s one of the best officers in the marines, and if worst comes to worst, I can have her punch you in the face,” he said.

Carlotta Antonio had the habit of doing that whenever we saw each other after a long time apart from each other.

“Very funny,” I mumbled. “What makes you think she’ll listen to me?”

“Nothing,” he said. “But what have we to lose?”

“Fine, I’ll do it,” I sighed. “But I warn you, she’ll probably say no to me too.”

“What’s the point of having you around then?” he asked rhetorically. I glared at him. “Oh, by the way, the Joint Military Council has declined bumping Williams up a designation so that she can serve with the fleet. Something to do with the name Williams and officer being too close to each other in proximity.”

We’d been trying to get my best friend, Ashley Williams, onto the Normandy to serve with us, but she was an N4, which meant that she had to serve on one of the Alliance’s colonies. Getting her back with the fleet would mean either promoting her two designations to N6, which automatically meant that she had to be given an officer title to go with the designation, or she had to be docked a designation so that she was an N3.

“Can’t they make her N3?” I asked.

“I’ve asked,” he said. “We’ll see what happens. Good news is that Dranne and Masaad are completely on board now.”

“Fabulous,” I groaned. Operations Chief Kasuumi Dranne and Private Zaeed Masaad had served with me on the Everest. They were in fact the only two on my old squad, apart from Carlotta and myself, to make it out alive during the Skyllian Blitz. Let’s just say that neither of them were exactly my favourite people. 

“Anything else?” I asked.

“Nope, that’s it from me,” Commander Anderson said. “You must be nearly done with training there.”

“Three weeks,” I said. “When do we ship out?”

“September,” Commander Anderson said. “So, you’ll have a couple of weeks to recoup. If you pass, of course.” He laughed evilly and hung up.

“Bastard,” I muttered, and dialled the number to the QEC on the Everest.

Com Officer Phadme Bharesh answered. “SSV Everest,” she said.

“Hey, Bharesh,” I said.

“Major,” she said. “How are you?”

“I’m…,” I paused, thinking for the correct adjective. “Well,” I finished lamely. “You?”

She shrugged. “I heard you’re doing ICT training at the villa,” she said.

“Yup,” I said.

“Will you be coming back here?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I said, skirting the Normandy issue. “It depends on how well I do here. Is Lieutenant Antonio available?”

“Hold on,” she said.

A few minutes later Carlotta came on the screen. A tall woman with a strong body and beautiful features, I still blinked when I saw her.

“Your hair,” I said. 

She scowled. “Please don’t tell me we’re going to start exchanging phone calls now,” she snapped. Our relationship consisted of lovely instances such as this.

“No, this is a once off,” I said vaguely, still staring at her hair. “When did you dye your hair?”

“Last December,” she said shortly. The entire time I’d known Carlotta, her hair had been dyed a garish pink. Now it was, what I assumed was her natural black.

“Right,” I said.

“What the fuck do you want, Shepard?” she asked impatiently.

“I-but why though?” I asked, still confused. “Your hair was your way of rebelling against the Joint Military Council.”

She sighed. “Because I’m fucking thirty years old, and I have a seven year old daughter who asked me the other day where babies come from,” she said tiredly. “I decided it’s time to grow up.”

“Ok,” I said. “So, what did you tell her?”

“I gave her a book I downloaded from the extranet,” Carlotta said. “There’s not a snowball’s hope in hell that I’m gonna touch that topic with Rochelle.” She sighed. “What do you want, Shepard? I need to get back to work.”

“Right, uh, Commander Anderson asked me to call,” I said.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” she groaned. “I’ve already told him no. I’m not interested.”

“Come on, Antonio,” I said. “We need someone like you. It’ll be fun.”

“No,” she said impatiently.

“Dranne and Masaad will be there,” I said. “And my friend, Kaidan. You said you thought he was hot.”

“Is that your attempt to persuade me?” she asked, almost grinning. “Tell Anderson thanks for the offer, but no thanks.”

“Why don’t you want to join us?” I asked.

She sighed. “The Everest is our home, me and Rochelle,” she said. “Unless I get direct orders from the Joint Military Council, it isn’t going to happen. I’d probably kick up a stink if I did get ordered to leave by the Joint Military Council.”

I sighed. “Fair enough,” I said. “See you around, Antonio.”

“Not if I see you first, Smurfette,” she said.

I turned the QEC off, turned and almost walked straight into Cat. “Jesus, what the fuck are you doing, McDougal?” I gasped.

“Who were you talking to?” she asked.

“Carlotta Antonio,” I said. “We served together on the Everest.”

“Why were you talking to her?” she asked, narrowing her green eyes.

“We’re friends,” I said. “Sort of.”

“You expect me to believe you have friends, Shepard?” she snapped.

“You think I give a shit about your opinion, McDougal?” I asked in return. “That’s so sweet. I don’t.”

“Why is Commander Anderson always calling you?” she asked, ignoring me. My posting to the Normandy wasn’t common knowledge.

“His practicing his insulting skills for the winter Olympics,” I said. “I have the best insulting potential.”

“Yeah, right,” she scoffed.

“Is there something you need from me, McDougal, or can I get back to my room, where I need to study?” I asked impatiently.

“If you and Anderson are fraternising…” she began.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said tiredly. “McDougal, I know you have a hard-on for me because for some reason the higher-ups think I’m a better soldier than you. Don’t worry I’m as confused about it as you are, but there you are. That being said, I have no intention of sleeping with Anderson, or any of the other higher-ups, because, despite current opinion, I actually do want to keep my job. So, now if you’ll excuse me, I have an N7 designation to get and I won’t get it by yacking over here with you.”

Cat’s mouth had dropped further and further open as I’d made my speech. “I’m the one getting the designation, Shepard,” she said at last, rather lamely I thought.

“There are two designations given out a year,” I said, pushing past her. “Maybe we’ll get lucky and make both our daddies proud.”

I was at the door when she said, “I’m not doing this for him.”

“Aren’t you?” I asked. 

.....

The next two days went by in a boring, lethargic sort of way. I aced my astronomy test, and took part in several fitness exercises that mainly consisted of me running at objects, jumping at objects, tipping objects over, and occasionally throwing objects around. Owing to the fact that I was both vertically and horizontally challenged, as well as plagued by severe asthma and a lack of genetic enhancements (as a rule, soldiers tended to have genetic enhancements performed on themselves to increase their senses, blood-clotting ability and adrenal response. I had refused to have these enhancements done, something I was beginning to regret), I found these exercises rather difficult, but I persevered. 

At dusk on the second day, all the remaining recruits were called into the command centre. Lieutenant Scott and about twenty soldiers who appeared to be part of Home Defence were already waiting for us.

“Good evening recruits, and welcome to the tenth N7 test,” Lieutenant Scott said once we’d all settled ourselves in our chosen seats. “This is the test where we see the most people fail, as there is a minimum of five people who are going to fail. This will mean that there will be at least five people left at the end of this test. These five will then go on to do test eleven, after which only three of you will be left. Test twelve, is the final test, and this is where we choose our two new N7s.” 

He paused for a moment to let this sink in. None of us looked all that impressed any more, as he’d given us pretty much the same speech before each test, minus the fact that five people would be cut.

“Each of you will be assigned two of these N2s,” he continued, looking put out at our lack of response. “You will also be assigned a letter, Abanais’ team being Team Able, Chiffer’s team will be Team Baker, and so on, all the way to Staris’s team, who will be Team Juliette.” So far so usual. “There are five pieces of land out in the desert, discernible by the fact that it is outlined by barrels of spaceship fuel. Two teams will be assigned to each piece of land, and will have to fight for control of it. Once a team has to control of the piece of land, it will have to maintain control of the piece of land for five minutes. Control is defined as one member of your teaming being on the territory, whilst no one on the opposition team is on the territory.”

“How are we teamed against each other?” Cat asked.

“It is random,” Lieutenant Scott answered. “You’ll only know who you’re pitted against when you reach the territory.”

“How big is the territory?” Major Gershwin asked.

“Five by five,” Lieutenant Scott said. “You’ll be dropped approximately a mile away from the territory, on opposite sides of it. Your omnitools will be updated with a map reference when you are all in transit.”

“Arms?” I asked.

“What about them?” Lieutenant Scott asked.

“Are we allowed to cut them off?” I asked impatiently.

“Any long-lasting or life-threatening physical harm done on your opponents will lead to immediate expulsion,” he answered.

“I was joking, but good to know,” I said, getting concerned about the level of humour in the Alliance Military. “What I meant was what kind of weapons will we have?”

“Jolt guns,” Lieutenant Scott said. Jolt guns looked exactly like normal firearms, except they fired a burst of low-current electricity that was painful, but not inherently harmful. In the interest of fairness, they were run on batteries that had to be swapped out every so often.

“Awesome,” I mumbled.

“Any other questions?” Lieutenant Scott said. We all shook our heads. “Excellent,” he said. “Then, good luck.”

.....

I was paired with two men, Operations Chief Wekes, and Private Blais. “So, have either of you been into the field before?” I asked.

“Sure,” Operations Chief Wekes said. “I used to work the paddy fields back home.”

“I’m going to take that as a no,” I said. “Ok, that’s nothing to worry about.”

“Who said we’re worried?” Private Blais asked.

“Well, I was actually talking to myself there, private, but I’m glad you’re not worried,” I said. “My future does depend on me getting this designation though, so try your best.”

“No worries, Major,” Private Blais said reassuringly. “We’re both big fans. We won’t let you down.”

I rolled my eyes. Owing to a series of events involving a thresher maw and a missile launcher I was mildly famous around the galaxy. 

My omnitool beeped. The map had been sent. I squinted at it. “Did either of you do well at navigation?” I asked. “I’ve always sucked.”

“Really?” Operations Chief Wekes asked keenly. “Jane Shepard dot net doesn’t say anything about that.”

“It’s not common-wait, what?” I asked. “Jane Shepard dot net?”

“Your fan site,” Private Blais said. “Your entire life story is on that site, as well as records of all your tours of duty.”

“Isn’t that illegal?” I asked.

He shrugged. “Maybe,” he said, unconcerned. “Did you really learn to shoot a gun when you were six?”

“Uh, yeah,” I said uncomfortably. “Yeah, I did.”

“And you were a gymnastics champion for a while?” Operations Chief Wekes asked.

“Yup, until I was fourteen,” I answered.

“And did your father really shoot you in the shoulder when you were eight?” Private Blais asked.

“Right, that’s it,” I snapped. “Both of you are to shut up right now. You are not allowed to say anything outside of standard duty, and only when I ask you a direct question. Clear?”

“Yes ma’am,” Private Blais mumbled.

“Sorry ma’am,” Operations Chief Wekes said.

.....

It was a hot afternoon, and the nuclear haze was thicker than usual. The third world war in the late twenty first century had pretty much destroyed Earth, with only three cities being left habitable, and certain other areas being less toxic than others. The Rio Desert was basically swathed in nuclear waste, but the atmosphere was still considered healthy enough for the marine basic training facility to be located there.

“Ok, chief,” I said, turning to Operations Chief Wekes. “Lead on.”

We walked in silence at first, but I wasn’t much good at that. “Strange thing about Del Sol,” I said. “When you finish your two years of basic, you think you’re done with that shithole.”

Private Blais smiled tolerably. “I mean, when you get recommended for N7, you’re proud, but then you realise you’re headed back to hell-on-Earth,” I continued. “What are you supposed to think then?”

Operations Chief Wekes rolled his eyes. “You’re conflicted, am I right?” I asked. I glanced at both of them. “I can see now why so many officers are complete megalomaniacs,” I said. “It’s kind of fun bossing people around. How much further, Chief?” He didn’t answer. “I did say direct questions,” I sighed.

“Yes ma’am,” Operations Chief Wekes said. “Um, three quarters of a mile, give or take.”

“Holy mother, this is going to be tough,” I mumbled.

“Oh no, Major,” Private Blais said, breaking his vow of silence. “You’re one of the best officers in the corps, and certainly the best officer at the villa. You’ll do great.”

“Shut up, private,” I snapped. “I know I’ll do fine at the actual mission. It’s more trying to find something to talk about until we reach the territory.”

There was a moment’s silence. “My mum had eleven fingers,” Operations Chief Wekes said conversationally.

“No shit?” I asked. “Must’ve made mental math a lot easier to do.”

“Why didn’t she have surgery done?” Private Blais asked.

“Her parents were old fashioned,” Operations Chief Wekes said. “They didn’t hold with that sort of thing.”

“Sound like my type of person,” I said.

“Yeah, it says on the website that you didn’t have genetic enhancements done,” Operations Chief Wekes said.

“Of course it does,” I mumbled. “Answer me this: why am I so famous? All I did was not get killed by a thresher maw.”

“You also killed the thresher maw with a missile launcher,” Private Blais said.

“Well, yeah, there was that,” I admitted.

“And you became the youngest officer ever in the Alliance,” Operations Chief Wekes chipped in.

“Alright, yes there was that,” I said.

“And you are now the youngest ever N7 recruit,” he continued.

“Yes, I suppose,” I said.

“And you’re also the youngest ever major,” Private Blais added.

“Yes, alright, you two can go back to shutting up now,” I said.

.....

We reached the territory half an hour later. It seemed that our opposition hadn’t reached it yet, so we started for it. I had barely set foot onto the territory, when three figures sprang out from behind one of the crates that marked the corner of the territory off.

“Hit the deck,” I bellowed, springing backwards behind the nearest barrel. An arch of electricity hit the spot of sand I’d been standing on five seconds previously.

“How much longer?” a strident Scottish voice called.

“Fifteen seconds, ma’am,” another voice shouted.

“Is everyone ok?” I whispered into the radio.

“Yes ma’am,” Private Blais whispered.

“More or less,” Operations Chief Wekes murmured dryly.

“Well, that’s better than nothing,” I mumbled. “Circle around them. Maybe we can cut them off.”

“Aye aye,” Private Blais said softly.

“That you, McDougal?” I called.

“Bite me, Shepard, in five seconds you’ll be out of the programme,” Cat shouted. 

“I wouldn’t count on it,” I yelled.

“What?” she yelled. “Where are you, Shepard?”

“Who cares?” I called cheerfully. “This has to be the longest five seconds in the history of the galaxy, right?”

“They’re just taking a while to get here,” she shouted.

“No they’re not,” I shouted.

“Why would you say that, Shepard?” Cat shouted.

“They’re not coming yet, you fool,” I shouted. “I stepped onto the territory before y’all started shooting at us. The timer’s been reset. Let’s go,” I screamed into the radio.

To be fair, one of Cat’s lackeys did react faster than I had expected. Operations Chief Wekes had barely cleared his barrel before he was knocked down with a blow to the back of the head with a rifle.

“Leave him,” I ordered Private Blais, who was moving to check on Wekes. Private Blais jumped and moved to my side.

I turned and fired at Cat. “Clock reset again, McDougal,” I called with a great deal of false bravado. “This just isn’t your day.”

“Come on,” she shouted at her two men (one was a woman. For those interested). “We’ll get her another way.” They turned and ran off into the haze.

“Hit the deck?” Private Blais asked.

“I grew up on a space ship,” I said. I moved to Operations Chief Wekes and removed his helmet. “He’s alright,” I said. “He’ll just have a headache when he wakes up. Help me with him.”

Together we rolled Wekes to the centre of the territory. “You know she won’t let you win that easily,” Private Blais said.

“Thank you for telling me something I already knew, Private,” I said.

“So, what’s the plan?” he asked.

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I trained with Lieutenant McDougal. I know how she operates. We can beat her, if you trust me.”

“Of course I trust you,” Private Blais gushed. “You’re the single greatest officer in the Alliance. I’d trust you with my life, my children’s lives, my-,”

“And you’re done,” I said. “Don’t they teach you about people like Hackett, Anderson, Del Sol or Greyling anymore? Those are proper heroes. I’m hero-light compared to them.”

“Sure,” Private Blais said. “You know there are no women on that list?”

“According to Commander Anderson, adding me won’t change that,” I mumbled.

“What?” he asked.

“Never mind,” I said, not wishing the confusion around my gender to reach the rest of the galaxy. “McDougal knows I’m tenacious, and that I’ll only give up once I’m dead, and probably not even then. Therefore, she’ll only retake the territory once I’m out of action. She wants this over sooner rather than later, so that she can go back to the villa to catch this afternoon’s airing of The Third Force. So she’ll take me out, then move to take the territory.”

“And?” Private Blais asked.

“And we can use that to our advantage,” I said. “Come on.”

I climbed onto the barrel facing in the opposite direction to where Cat and her team ran. “She went that way,” Private Blais pointed.

“Thank you for once again pointing the obvious out, Private,” I snapped. “You really are talented. Now shut up and face that way.” I pointed to my left.

Barely thirty seconds later Cat appeared out of the haze. For some reason she only spotted me when she was approximately three feet from me, by which time it was too late. I sprang onto her with a loud cry of ‘Geronimo’, bringing her down, and sat down on her chest. 

“Why the hell didn’t you see me sooner?” I asked, attempting to stand on her right wrist, which was proving to be harder than it sounded. “I’m not that short.”

“Get off, Shepard,” she snapped.

“Yeah, that’s not happening,” I said. “Blais, look for the others. I doubt they’ll move in without McDougal’s say-so, but better safe than sorry.”

“But who will defend the territory?” he asked.

“Don’t worry about the damned territory, just do as I say,” I snapped. Cat bucked underneath me. “And you, lie still.”

Private Blais scurried off. Cat bucked again. She was both taller and stronger than me and it would be seconds before she overpowered me. I needed to find some way to subdue her. I decided a good, old-fashioned head-butt to the nose would do nicely.

Our helmets crashed together unclassically. “Oh Jesus,” I groaned.

Cat scowled at me. “You’re a moron,” she snapped.

“Thanks for pointing it out to me,” I said. “But I’m at least fifty per cent more scarred.” The territory was to my left. I subtly shifted my weight onto my left leg.

Cat immediately sensed this and rolled me over, away from the territory. Now she sat on my chest and pulled my helmet off. “Good thought,” I said. “Why didn’t I do that?”

She punched me hard in the face. “You’re a shit soldier, Shepard,” she snapped.

“Never claimed I wasn’t,” I gasped. She punched me again.

“You’re not getting the N7,” she continued, ignoring me. “I will and then you’ll weep.”

“That’s very dramatic,” I said. “Also very wrong.”

“I will get the N7,” she screamed.

“Probably,” I said. “Especially since you’re rearranging my face anew. No, you’re wrong about the fact that I’ll cry.”

“You will cry,” she shouted. I moved my face away from the next blow, and it glanced sort of harmlessly off of my ear.

“Unlikely,” I said. “I haven’t cried in five, almost six years.”

This stopped her short. “You haven’t?” she asked in surprise.

“Nope,” I said.

“What the hell’s wrong with you?” she asked in amazement.

“I don’t have time to answer that question, we’re on a deadline,” I said impatiently. “Anyway, the point is, if the death of all but four of my squad during the Skyllian Blitz didn’t elicit any tears, I doubt you getting the N7 instead of me will.”

“You didn’t cry after your squad died?” she asked, clearly still trying to digest this fact.

“Well, I did cry after Akuze,” I said. “That was the last time, in fact. Not after Skyllia though.”

“What are you, a machine?” she asked.

“Ha ha, that’s so funny,” I said boredly. I brought my leg up, hooked it over hers and pulled hard. She collapsed on top of me, and I rolled her over and got on top of her. 

“This is getting boring,” I mumbled.

“Yeah, especially since no one is on the territory at the moment,” Cat said. “The Third Force starts in fifteen minutes.”

“Ah well, there’s always the repeat,” I said. “I will admit this though, McDougal. You are a way better soldier than me.”

“You would?” she asked sceptically.

“Yeah, didn’t you just hear me?” I asked. “Never mind. I’m always willing to admit when someone is better than me. Of course, I am far cooler, more badass, and funnier than you, but in the general field of soldierdom, you have me beat.”

“You’re also more annoying than me,” Cat said. “Or anyone.”

“At the moment, that is what the polls say, yes,” I admitted. “But we’re not here to talk about me, we’re talking about you.”

“We’re here to take that piece of land from each other,” Cat said.

“Well, yes, but this helps pass the time,” I said. “You’re an excellent soldier. You only have two flaws in that field. The first is that you’re predictable.”

At that moment a shuttle appeared above us. “Congratulations, Major Shepard on winning this challenge,” a voice over the loud speaker said.

“What?” Cat asked. “How’s that possible. There’s no one on the territory.”

I got up from her. “The second is that you don’t see what’s staring you in the face,” I shouted over the sound of the engine. I pointed to where Operations Chief Wekes had been lying in the middle of the territory.

.....

Back at the villa I endured being congratulated on making it through yet another challenge, whilst watching Cat and the others being told to go pack, before showering and hieing me to my room to relax a bit before supper time. Unfortunately, in order to get from the bathroom to my room, I needed to pass Cat’s room, and was treated to the sight of Cat weeping silently as she packed her bags.

I considered sneaking past, but for some reason couldn’t bring myself to. I sighed and knocked on the door.

She jumped and wiped her face dry. “You alright, McDougal?” I asked.

“What do you want, Shepard?” she snapped.

“I want to know if it’s raining on your face, or whether you are actually crying,” I said impatiently.

“Can’t you just go away?” she snapped.

“Look, I know it’s tough for you to lose like that, especially to me,” I said. “Believe me, I’d also be pissed if I lost to you-,”

“Why do you care?” she asked impatiently.

“I don’t, really,” I said. “I’m just super bored at the moment, but that too will pass. Anyway, your life isn’t over now.”

“Shepard, I don’t need a fucking pep talk,” she snapped.

I scowled. “No, of course you don’t,” I said coldly. “My mistake.”

I turned to walk away. “Wait, Shepard,” she said. “Why were you trying to be nice?”

“I have a vacancy for best friend,” I said. “My previous one got married six months ago.”

“We’d be terrible friends, Shepard,” Cat said.

“Probably,” I shrugged. “We’d have killed each other off within five minutes. Oh well. Stay sharp, McDougal.”

A cup of coffee was waiting for me on my desk when I got back to my room. No doubt Mouse had left it for me. I got onto my bed with the coffee and my datapad, and opened the latest book in the _Bloodletter_ series by humanity’s most popular writer, Brian Bryant (with the extinction of trees on Earth, datapads were all the rage). It took me a while to realise that I had read the same paragraph fifteen times without taking a single word in. I was too busy thinking.

There were certain parts of myself that I knew would always remain the same, for instance the fact that I loved chocolate, and the fact that I would always be the one who gets the last word in edgewise. But beyond that, I knew very little about myself. Human patriot? Rebellious misfit? Beauty queen? Cold blooded murderer? Everyone seemed to know exactly who I was. Except me. 

I had never really minded being a loner. I hadn’t had many friends as a child, apart from Joey on Ciro station, who was now dead, and Ash on the Hugo Greyson, the Alliance cruiser I’d grown up on, who was now blissfully married. I enjoyed my own company. I was a wonderful conversationalist, and I made sure everyone around me knew it. It was at that moment though, that I realised how alone I was in the galaxy. 

I was twenty four years old and I was tired of my life. It was a depressing thought.

.....

The news was odd that night. In the Alliance, it was compulsory for every human not engaging in something very important (like dying) to tune into the nine o’clock news report. I say odd, because the top story didn’t contain reports about how great the Alliance was and how far humanity had come since the end of the Skyllian Blitz. On this night, the news report began with the news reader saying, “Good evening. Our top story this evening is that geth have been spotted outside of the Perseus Veil.” There were gasps around the rec room. “A squadron of about twenty geth were spotted on a remote planet in the Acheron System two nights ago. Geth who are the synthetic beings created by the quarians four hundred and fifty years ago, and who have not been seen since they drove the quarians from their homeworld, Rannoch, four hundred years ago in the Morning War, were sighted by an asari scouting squad sniffing around an as yet uncharted world in the Acheron System, in the Parnethus cluster. For more on the story, we go to Gray Jochoma on the Citadel.”

“Major Shepard to the QEC, Major Jane Shepard to the QEC,” an official voice said over the intercom.

“Bloody hell, can’t he take a fucking leak without me there to help him?” I mumbled, getting up.

I decided not to be childish this time and went quickly to the QEC. “What do you want?” I said impatiently.

“Oh Ken, I can’t wait for you to be here so that I can make you hurt for talking to me like that,” Commander Anderson said.

“Oh, I beg your pardon,” I said irritably. “What do you want, sir?”

“Seen the news?” he asked.

“About the geth?” I asked.

“What?” he asked, distractedly. “No. Commander Agira was sentenced to death today.”  
Commander Agira was my former commanding officer, and had probably been the worst person I’d ever met. Commander Anderson hated her even more, since she had managed to get his entire squad killed.

“You interrupted me when they were still busy reading the top story,” I said. 

“Yeah, well, the jury cried off with her head,” Commander Anderson said, frowning. “What’s this about geth?”

“They were spotted in the Parnethus cluster,” I said. “Didn’t you see?”

“I rarely pay attention to the news these days,” Commander Anderson said. “It’s so boring. Major Shepard wore this today, Major Shepard did that today, Major Shepard’s knickers and knockers for sale for twenty billion credits. Who is this Major Shepard anyway?”

“The XO who’s so glad she signed on with you,” I said sarcastically. “Are you expecting me to be excited about the fact that Commander Agira’s being executed?”

“Well, you hated her as much as me,” Commander Anderson said. “The only reason I like you, actually. Anyway, she’s old news now. What do you think of the geth?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I said. “What do you reckon this is all about?”

“Well, many strange things have been happening in the galaxy lately,” he answered seriously. “My ex-wife has been behaving in a strangely civil way to me recently. The Alliance hasn’t declared any wars lately. You managed to become uber-famous despite being short, underage and annoying, making you the most overrated soldier in the galaxy.”

“And you turned out to be a world-class dick,” I said irritably. “Oh wait, that’s not strange, that’s normal.”

“Oh lighten up, Ken,” he said boredly. “On that note though, I got an angry email from Lieutenant Antonio saying she refused to be tortured in that manner to join the crew. What exactly did you do to her?”

“Nothing, I just called her,” I said.

“That must have been it,” Commander Anderson said. “See you soon, Ken. Good luck with the rest of your tests.”

He hung up without giving me a chance to throw a clever retort his way. It was a good one, I promise.

.....

We were told what the final test was as soon as we were finished with the second last test. I knew I spoke for everyone when I said that I was genuinely surprised to have gotten as far as I had, and I was more than a little relieved to have reached that point.

“Congratulations, everyone, on getting this far,” Lieutenant Scott said. The three of us that were left, Lieutenant Chiffer, Major Gershwin and I, were gathered in the conference room. “I’m sure you are all surprised and relieved to have reached this point.”

“Plagiariser,” I mumbled. 

“Unfortunately, the end is not yet in sight for the three of you, as there is still the final test, and even I cannot tell you when that will be happening,” he continued.

He explained what this meant. Basically, sometime within the next three weeks, we’d be dropped into a real-life combat situation with a squad of five other soldiers, where we were expected to do all the things that was N7-ish. The two who did the best in the situation (by a number of criteria), were awarded the N7 designations.

“What if there are no combat situations that arise in the three weeks?” Major Gershwin asked nervously.

“Then the Alliance declares another war for us,” I said quickly. I wasn’t one to miss the opportunity to get a word in edgeways.

“We’ll put you in the simulator instead,” Lieutenant Scott said, ignoring me. “Either way, within the next three weeks, this’ll be over for you all. Your squads will be arriving later this afternoon. They’re a mixture of servicemen and NCOs, and you’ll be spending the time leading up to the test training and getting to know your squad.”

.....

This was easier said than done, as it transpired, because my squad consisted of the galaxy’s stupidest soldiers. I spent more time yelling at them about horsing around than doing any actual training or getting to knowing. The three weeks went past, and I went to bed on the last day of the three weeks, mentally preparing myself for the combat simulator the next day. I was shaken awake an hour later.

“Gosh, time flies when you’re having fun,” I mumbled, opening my eyes.

“Major, armour up and ready your squad,” Lieutenant Scott said urgently. “We’ve got a situation.”

“Oh, those are always my favourite,” I said. “I can’t bare life without a situation.”

He scowled, but he couldn’t reprimand me, because I technically outranked him. “Just get ready,” he said curtly.

So, half past one of the AM, I found myself gathered in the command centre. Poor old Mouse had also been roused to prepare my BOL for me. I found myself feeling sorry for her. Sleep was such a rare commodity at Del Sol, that to lose it for any reason was perhaps the greatest insult. 

“So, what’s happening?” Major Gershwin asked, accepting a cup of coffee from his batman.

“The riots in Seattle have started again,” Lieutenant Scott said.

“What?” Lieutenant Chiffer asked in surprise.

“Why?” I asked. There had been antialien riots the previous year which were caused by dissatisfaction with what was transpiring in the Skyllian war. “Things have been looking up for the Alliance at the recently.”

“It seems Cerberus was involved in instigating it, although they’ve now left the area,” Lieutenant Scott said. Cerberus was a pro-human terrorist group, that was, by the simple fact of being pro-human, anti-alien. “What we need you to do is assist the cops and the Seattle defence force in keeping the rioters at bay. Do not fire any shots unless you get clearance from HQ, is that clear? We want minimal loss of life here.”

.....

Our squads were waiting for us at the shuttle. “What’s happening, boss?” one of my squad members asked (to be honest, I was annoyed at all of them, and hadn’t bothered to learn their names).

“Riots in Seattle,” I said. “We’re to assist the soldiers already there.”

“Why though?” another squad member asked.

“Because angry mobs usually lead to the deaths of innocent people,” I said curtly.

“Yeah, but-,” he began, then trailed off.

“Don’t stop there,” I said. “The beginning of that sentence was so promising.”

“They’re only aliens,” he mumbled.

“You’re only an asshole fuckface, yet here you stand,” I snapped.

“Yes, ma’am, but why should we worry about aliens?” he asked.

“Alright, all soldiers belonging to me, listen up,” I said loudly. “If you value the shape and arrangement of your face, do not say anything that is not pertinent to the tactics of this mission, is that clear?”

“What did she mean ‘the shape and arrangement of your face?’” one of my other soldiers whispered to her companions.

“She means she’ll break your jaw if you make any racist or derogatory comments,” I said impatiently. “Clear?”

“Yes ma’am,” she mumbled. “Sorry ma’am.”

“Good, now that that’s settled, let’s be off,” I said. 

.....

It looked like Westcoast Grand hotel, reportedly the best hotel in the Alliance, was on fire. It was only when the shuttle dropped us behind the barricades that had been built by the forces already present, that I saw that the fire actually consisted hundreds of men and women carrying torches. Three hundred years on, and an angry mob still looked exactly the same.

We were greeted by a young N2 major. “Major Shepard, Major Gershwin, Lieutenant Chiffer, we’ve been expecting you,” she said, saluting. “Major Stone.”

“Major,” Major Gershwin said. “What’s happening?”

“Word got out that we had alien dignitaries staying here,” Major Stone said. “Mainly salarians and elcor…”

“There’s an elcor here?” I asked excitedly. Elcor were, in my opinion, the greatest species in the galaxy. They resembled a cross between an elephant and a giant seal, and were unable to lie, owing to the fact that every sentence they spoke started with adverb for what they were feeling. Everyone turned to stare at me.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “Continue.”

“At first it was just what we now believe to be Cerberus operatives, standing out here and picketing,” Major Stone continued, smoothly. “Then one got up and made a speech, and all hell broke loose. We’ve managed to evacuate the hotel, and we’re just trying to keep the rioters at bay now.”

“Where do you want us?” Lieutenant Chiffer asked.

“On the barricade,” Major Stone said. “We don’t really mind where. We’re waiting for permission to fire teargas.”

“Right,” I said. “Come on.”

I was kind of confused about exactly what I needed to do in this situation. On the one hand this was obviously a serious position for the Alliance. Our relationship with Council was the best it’d ever been, but we were still trying to rid ourselves of the image that we were hot-headed racists, and this sort of thing was clearly not helping. On the other hand, this was also an exam, one that I wanted to pass, and I had no idea what the examiners were looking for in me. I decided to block that side of the situation out of my mind, and pretend that this was any other mission. 

Except, I’d never been in charge of an entire squad before. At least, not in a combat situation, where there had not been someone in charge before me. I felt a sudden twinge of stage-fright in my bowels.

I position myself quite close to the centre of the barricade, my squad fanning out on either side of me. Up close, it was clear how angry the crowd was as they screamed obscenities at us and hurled themselves at the barricade.

“Will it hold?” one of my soldiers (I think he may have been my partner, although I wasn’t certain) asked.

“I don’t know,” I said. “Won’t it be fun to find out?”

My sarcasm was lost on him, most likely because he was a stupid idiot. I sighed, and contented myself to look menacingly at the nearest group of rioters. This was lost on them, but I think it was because I was short more than anything else. A young woman bashed herself against the barricade. She was dressed in a nurse’s uniform. I steadied myself and sighed. 

“How the hell is this going to help anything?” I said, more to myself. Somehow the young woman heard me. She looked up and met my eyes through my helmet’s visor.

“Major Shepard,” she said. “Why are you here?”

“Training,” I said. “Apparently your little riot is the most exciting thing to happen in the Alliance the last three weeks, Ms-?” I gave her a questioning look.

“Julie,” the nurse said. “Donna Julie.”

“Right,” I said. “Donna Julie. Why are you here?”

“Why are you here?” she returned. “You’ve always been pro-human. You’ve stood against the aliens.”

This was interesting. The only time I’d actually stood against aliens had been in the Skyllian war, where I’d fought batarians, who we were at war with. I’d never declared myself on either side. All I’d done was refuse to play the political game.

“I’m here to honour my oath to the Alliance,” I said. “Nothing more.”

“So you’re with the alien appeasers?” Donna Julie asked.

“I’m not with anyone,” I said. “I suggest you step back from the barricade before one of the other officers decides that you’re trying to breach it.”

“You’re going to have to choose a side eventually,” she said. “The fence has a great view, but it always breaks eventually.”

“Where the hell did you get that line?” I asked irritably. “Philosophers Are Us?”

She melted into the crowd without giving an answer. Fortunately or unfortunately, I was distracted by a petrol bomb being thrown over my shoulder and throw one of the hotel’s windows. There was a loud blast, and flames burst out of the windows.

.....

“Well, that was fun,” Major Stone said happily, when the last of the rioters had fled or been rounded up into the police skycars. My squad was assisting the other soldiers in taking the barricade down.

“My sleep was disturbed to get here,” I said. “You have a strange idea of fun.”

Behind us, the fire crackled merrily. For some reason, this sounded strangely familiar.

“The rioters have blocked all the major routes here with burning tires,” Major Stone said. “The fire trucks are struggling to get through.”

At that moment the heavens opened. “Don’t worry,” I said, looking up. “Looks like nature’s on our side.”

“All the aliens have been moved to a place of safety, except the elcor,” Major Stone continued. “His…truck is also struggling to get through.”

I glanced over to where the elcor dignitary stood under the awning of the shop across from the hotel.

“I’ll go speak to him,” I said. I went over to the elcor dignitary. “Hey,” I said in protha, the galaxy’s common language. “My name is Major Jane Shepard.”

“With deep suspicion: what do you want, human?” the elcor asked in a monotonous voice.

“I just wanted to check if everything was ok with you,” I said, inwardly quavering with excitement. Before this moment, the only other elcor I’d had a conversation with was a bouncer at a club who had tried to have Ash and I barred from going inside the club. 

“Sarcastically: oh yes, everything’s great,” the elcor said in the same monotonous tone of voice. “With annoyance: just leave me alone. Angrily: Your people have already shown what they think of aliens.”

“Right, sorry,” I said. “Look, I’m sorry about what happened here. We humans have a tendency to show the galaxy our worst traits.”

“Angrily: just leave me alone,” the elcor said. “Impatiently: when’s my truck coming?”

“It’s being held up,” I said. “Won’t be long now.” I sighed. “It’s been nice talking to you,” I said. “I guess I should go.”

I started off. “With curiosity: wait, human,” the elcor called after me.

I turned. “Yeah?” I asked.

“With surpressed curiosity: what is your opinion on allowing aliens into your space?” the elcor asked, looking bored.

I paused, then shrugged. “Who knows?” I said. “I’m an a-grade fence-sitter.”

“Confused: what does that mean?” the elcor asked, blinking slowly.

“It-never mind,” I said. “See you around.”

I had barely gone five paces when I was interrupted again, this time by a loud scream coming from the hotel. I squinted upwards, and spotted two small figures on one of the balconies. I ran to where Major Stone was standing.

“Who the hell is that?” I shouted.

She had gone white. “The Flynn children,” she mumbled. “When we couldn’t find them, we assumed they were staying with their father.”

“Where’s their mother?” I demanded.

She nodded her head towards a woman that stood with a group of evacuees. She was swaying on her feet and appeared to be humming a marching tune. 

“She’s an alkie,” Major Stone explained. “She books herself into the hotel to drink herself into a stupor.”

“How do you know this?” I asked.

“I’m friends with one of the maids,” Major Stone said. She frowned unhappily at the children. “The fire truck won’t be here for at least another ten minutes.”

I squinted at the balcony. It was one of those beautiful, wrought-iron ones. “There’s a drainpipe next to the balcony,” I said.

“So?” she asked.

“So, I’m going to climb it,” I said.

“What, but you can’t-,” she said.

“Watch me,” I mumbled. I went over to the drainpipe. “Stay right there,” I shouted to the children. “I’m on my way.”

Climbing a drainpipe wasn’t as easy as it sounded. There were metal struts that kept the drainpipe attached to the wall, which I used as hand and footholds, but these were spread out at intervals along the pipe. A woman of a more average height wouldn’t have had too much trouble reaching the struts, but I found myself having to stand on my toes and stretch for the next strut. I began wishing that I’d taken my boots off. They were metal coated fibre-glass, and therefore very good for keeping bullets out and less good for standing on toes. Also, the drainpipe was very slippery in the rain.

Finally, I was level with the balcony, which was when I was hit with a whole new problem. It had appeared that the drainpipe ran right next to the balcony from the ground, whilst in reality it was several feet away. I reached out my right hand out as far as it would go, but I could not reach the drainpipe.

“Come on, you motherbleeper,” I growled, trying to stretch my arm even further. My fingers were literally inches from the edge of the balcony, and I could not reach.

I removed my left hand from the pipe and swung my entire upper body away from the drainpipe. Now I was just gripping the pipe with my knees, my feet on a pair of struts. Still I couldn’t reach. I felt my feet slip, and with a yell, I tipped my body towards the balcony.

I slammed hard into the side of the balcony, and my fingers found the edge. I clung on, the breath knocked out of me. Below me, I heard cries of alarm. It seemed I had an audience. I swung myself over the edge of the balcony and was confronted with the sight of the two young children watching me with wide eyes. The boy was perhaps seven, the girl younger, maybe four.

“Are you alright?” I yelled at them. The boy nodded.

Right, well, getting up had been enough of a challenge. Getting two children down that drainpipe would be impossible.

“Do you have a ladder in your room?” I asked the boy. He shook his head. At that moment, the door to the bedroom crashed down and the fire started eating into the room.

Shit. The children gave cries of alarm. “It’ll be ok,” I told them. If I could think of a plan. That’s when I remembered Enid Blyton.

“Stay here,” I told them, and ran into the bedroom. There were three beds. I grabbed the duvets off of them and went back onto the balcony.

Obviously this sort of stunt was easier when they used bed sheets instead of duvets, I thought to myself, as I pulled the covers off of the duvets and knotted them together. I knotted the make-shift rope to the balcony and pulled hard once to make sure it would hold. It seemed secure enough. I hoped Enid Blyton had based her novels on scientific fact rather than the daydreams of a repressed teenager in boarding school in the 1940s.

“Ok,” I said. “What are your names?”

“Tommy,” the boy said.

“Suzy,” the girl said.

“Ok Tommy, how strong are you?” I asked. He shrugged. “Help me out kid,” I sighed. “Do you reckon you’re strong enough to hang onto my back whilst I climb?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Tommy said.

“Good man,” I said. I knelt down. “Well, hop on.”

He climbed onto my back and wrapped his arms around my neck. “Suzy, you’ll be riding my hip,” I said. “I know it’s quite small, but it’ll have to do for now, this is an emergency.” She looked at me uncomprehendingly. “Come here,” I said. I slung her onto my left hip and wrapped my left arm around her.

Just getting over the edge of the balcony and onto the rope turned out to be a huge challenge and I wasn’t certain how I would climb the rope with only one hand. The only positive was that the three of us together couldn’t possibly tip the scales at one hundred pounds, which meant the rope would probably hold.

We started down the rope. At some point, Suzy gave a frightened gasp.

“Don’t look down,” I advised her. My arms were killing me, and my feet were aching with the effort of keeping their purchase on the rope.

When we were five feet from the ground, I felt the rope shift. I looked up and saw that fire from a nearby window had licked onto the rope, which was now ablaze. “Ok, don’t look up either,” I advised, my voice somehow clearing three octaves to a high squeak. “Tommy, are you holding tightly?”

“Yeah,” he called in a thin voice.

“Good,” I said. “I’d hate to rescue you only to turn you into a Roshack symbol on the ground. Hold tight now, ok?”

I let go of the rope. Suzy gave a thin squeak. “Geronimo,” I shouted, landing on the balls of my feet, jarring, and no doubt, damaging my ankles. For a moment I teetered, not sure if I was going to fall over or not, but then I found my centre of balance and stood up. 

“Ok, Tommy, get down now,” I said.

“I can’t,” he whispered in a terrified voice. 

“I know that was scary, but think of the stories you could tell your friends at school tomorrow,” I said. “Come on, you just had an adventure.”

A fireman came over. “Major Shepard,” he said.

“Where the bloody hell were you lot, waiting for the sun to come out?” I asked. “I hate to say it, but that ain’t happening until tomorrow.”

“Are you ok?” he asked.

“Yeah, fine,” I said dismissively. “Can you remove my child-accessories?”

He plucked Tommy from my back, then removed Suzy from my arms. Without my burdens, I found myself overbalancing. I sat down hard.

“You alright?” the fireman asked.

“Yeah, just needed to test the padding on my bum,” I said. “Seems that everything is in order. Look after the children, will you?”

“Major,” a voice called and my squad came running over.

“Are you alright?” one asked, helping me up.

“Yeah, I’m great, thanks,” I said.

“That was totally awesome,” another squad member said. 

“Mental,” a third member said. “Just…sick.”

“Thank you,” I said. “You know, you may have been terrible, to the point that I didn’t bother to learn your names, but you all did fairly well today. Any news on the shuttle?"

.....

It was traditional for us to be told who had gotten the designation and who had bombed out in the shuttle ride back. I did not however realise that it was customary for the marine corps admiral to be the one to tell us, yet there Admiral Mikhailovich sat with Lieutenant Scott.

A stocky man of medium height, with close-cropped salt-and-pepper hair and green eyes, he had on many occasions expressed a disapproval of me and my methods.

“Tell your men to wait for the next shuttle,” he told Major Gershwin, Lieutenant Chiffer and I. 

“You heard the man,” I said. “Wait…for the next…shuttle.”

They saluted and stood back. I climbed up. “Admiral,” I said, taking the seat opposite him. “It’s been a long time. Seattle, wasn’t it?” He didn’t answer, merely scowled.

“Congratulations on you all for making it this far,” he said instead. “I know it wasn’t the most exciting of missions to go on, but somehow a few of you made it entertaining enough.” 

He glared at me, but I was hard-pressed to see how I could possibly be faulted for rescuing two children from a certain, fiery death.

“So, first up, Lieutenant Chiffer,” he said, importantly, steepling his fingers together and glaring at the offending man. Lieutenant Chiffer ducked his head, blushing. “The trainers say you’ve done well in all your training, scoring particularly high in recon and the water test. With this test, you made the extra effort to bond with your squad over the three weeks. Today, you were alert, aware, and your squad obeyed you without question. For this reason, we have decided to award you the N7 designation.”

Lieutenant Chiffer’s response included jumping up and down and shouting, “Yeah baby yeah,” whilst punching the air.

“Alright, that’s quite enough,” Admiral Mikhailovich said impatiently. “So, there are two officers left, but only one other N7 can be given out.” He sounded like a game show host.

“Whatever happens, Gershwin, know that I love you,” I said sappily.

“Oh shut up,” Major Gershwin mumbled.

“Major Gershwin, you have performed exceptionally well in all the tests, coming in the top three everywhere apart from the explosives test,” Admiral Mikhailovich said, turning his glare on Major Gershwin. “You also bonded well with your squad. However, I noticed that you weren’t quite there today. You seemed quite distracted. And you Major Shepard,” Admiral Mikhailovich glared at me. I stared calmly back. I was quite accustomed to his little tricks.

“You have come in the top two of all the tests apart from the explosives tests, where you came bottom,” he said. He seemed to relish saying this, for he paused for a few seconds. “You seemed to struggle to make a connection with your squad as well, going as far as to not bother to learn their names.” I wished I wasn’t wearing gloves, so that I could chew my fingernails. He glared at me a few seconds more. “However, you did exceptionally well today, going above and beyond your duty, and I have no choice but to give you the other N7 designation.”

“Oh well,” I said. “If you have no choice, you have no choice. I’ll tell you this though, Commander Anderson will be pissed. I proved him wrong again.”

“Yes yes, shut the hell up,” he snapped. “Congratulations to you all. I trust you will uphold the burden we have placed on you, that you will represent the Alliance with pride, and that you will always fight with humanity in mind.”

Boring. I was on my way to serving on the best ship in the fleet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fire scene was borrowed somewhat heavily from one of Enid Blyton's boarding school books (I'm not sure which one, but I think it was one of the St Claire books). Also an alkie is a hurriedly-invented term for a whino/alcoholic.


	3. August to September: the SSV Normandy SR1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane, along with a few familiar faces, prepare for their service aboard the Normandy SR1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have borrowed a scene from Mass Effect 2, which I love too much to leave out, but couldn't find a spot to shove it in in the next book, so I put it in here. Also there's some renegade dialogue from the Citadel DLC because why not borrow as much as possible?

The journey from Earth to Arcturus Station, a space station in the Arcturus Stream which housed the Alliance’s main military base was pretty uneventful, as was my two day stay on the base. I received my papers, which told me what I already knew about my future posting (was to be on the SSV Normandy SR1, top secret, et cetera, et cetera). I had to undergo a psychological and medical evaluation, which proceeded in exactly the same way as every single other psychological and medical evaluation I had ever been through. The doctor spoke about my asthma, vertical and horizontal challenges, and lack of genetic enhancements. The psychologist spoke about my use of humour as a defence mechanism, my potential PTSD owing to some traumatic past issues (that included thresher maws and the loss of my entire squad on Skyllia), and my traumatic childhood (let’s not go there). About the only thing that was exciting was the fact that I was allowed to use a Quantum Entanglement Communicator (a communication device that allowed for speedier and better communication because it could communicate over light years without needing to go through the rigmarole of connecting to com buoys). Even this wasn’t that exciting for me, as I had absolutely no one to call.

Well, I had various best friends and a younger brother, but the Alliance was, for some reason, being tight-fisted about giving Ash’s new posting out to me, and I was going to see Kaidan and Jason when I landed on the Citadel. I decided I had to use my new privileges by making at least one call, so I phoned the Everest.

“SSV Everest,” Com Officer Bharesh said.

“Hey, Bharesh, it’s me,” I said.

“Major,” Com Officer Bharesh said. “What can I do for you?”

“I got the N7, which means I get to use the QEC,” I told her.

“Congratulations,” she said. “Is there anything else?”

“Nope, that’s it,” I said. “See ya.” I hung up.

.....

I landed on the Citadel on a beautiful day in the middle of August. At least, I think it was a beautiful day. The Citadel was a space station shaped like a giant starfish, and had been built by the protheans (an extinct species that had lived over much of the galaxy, including Earth, fifty thousand years ago). Thousands of years ago, the asari had come across the Citadel and immediately declared it the seat of galactic power. When the other species discovered or were brought to the Citadel, they agreed with the asari. Nowadays, close to three million people lived on the Citadel, all of them species under Council protection (the Council species being asari, turian and salarian, and the species under their protection being humans, elcor, volus, hanar and drell). It was a fairly nice place to be, if one ignored the racial tensions that still permeated everything, especially in the Wards, the poorer parts of the Citadel.

I was greeted at the docks by a tall, lanky young man with close-cropped dark hair, wearing a marine’s service uniform.

“Hey Jane,” he said, attempting to kiss me on the cheek as I attempted to hug him.

“Kaidan, what’s up?” I said.

The awkwardness between Kaidan and me was largely due to the fact that we had dated for three years before I cheated on him and broke it off. He didn’t know that I’d cheated, but we had agreed to be friends, as we had been best friends before we started dating. It was working, well, awkwardly.

“Not much,” Kaidan said, grinning. “Anderson’s been a nightmare. I’m so glad you’ve arrived to officially take your role of primary abusee.”

“Of course, I’m here to take the multiple bullets for the crew,” I mumbled. “Why wouldn’t I be? Where are we staying?”

“Anderson’s flat,” Kaidan said, leading the way out of the spaceport and towards the skycar lot. “He’s got as much of the crew staying with him as possible, so that he doesn’t have to pay for hotels.”

“What a cheapskate,” I said. “Next you’ll be saying we’re living off of army food.”

“Well, we are here as part of the Alliance military,” Kaidan said.

“What is the point of being one of the best soldiers in the Alliance if I’m going to be treated like every other FNG,” I mumbled.

“You know, you and Anderson really are alike,” Kaidan said. I scowled. “Your grandparents and your aunt arrived,” he said hurriedly. There was apparently going to be a lot of pomp and circumstance at the actual launch of the Normandy, to which relatives could be invited. My only living relatives were my paternal grandparents, my father’s younger sister Jen, and my younger brother, Jason. Well, the only living relatives that still had occasional contact with me. My mother’s side of the family disapproved of Jason and I for a number of reasons, ranging from our chosen nationality (American) to our mother leaving home at the age of sixteen to pursue a career in flying giant space ships.

“And?” I asked Kaidan now. By now, we were in the skycar and heading for the Presidium (the rich part of the Citadel).

“Well, your nan seems nice enough,” he said.

“That’s probably because she left her pointy hat and green face paint at home,” I said. “How was my grandfather?”

“Drunk,” Kaidan said apologetically. 

“Yeah, well, we can’t have too many changes in our lives,” I said. “I might go into shock otherwise. Who from your family’s coming?”

“Both parents, as well as Elise and Tracey,” Kaidan said. Elise and Tracey were his two younger sisters.

“What about Abbie?” I asked. The last I’d heard about this sister was that she worked as a stripper.

“She’s already here,” Kaidan said grumpily. “Working in this dive on one of the wards.”

“She must be pretty good if she can afford to come work here,” I said. He glared at me. “Sorry,” I mumbled.

“Lisa’s also coming,” he added. Lisa was Kaidan’s girlfriend.

“So, you two are still together?” I asked.

“Of course we’re still together, why wouldn’t we be?” Kaidan asked in confusion.

“Well, I just thought she might be struggling with the whole long-distance business,” I said indifferently.

“You’re the only one who struggles with the whole long-distance business, Jane,” he snapped.

“No, I’m the only one who’s honest about struggling,” I corrected. He glared at me a few seconds. “Oh lighten up, Kay,” I said tiredly. “Can I call you Kay?”

“No,” he snapped.

“Ash calls you Kay,” I pointed out.

“Yeah, Ash doesn’t annoy the crap out of me every few seconds,” Kaidan pointed out.

“Alright, fair enough,” I said. “You can call me JJ though if you want.”

“Why?” he asked in confusion.

“I’ve always wanted that to be my nickname for the longest of times,” I said.

“Yeah, it doesn’t suit you,” Kaidan said. 

“Darn it,” I mumbled. “It’s still not going to catch on.”

.....

I had, on one previous occasion, stayed at Commander Anderson’s apartment on the Presidium. I had been nineteen at the time, and it was just after the thresher maw attack, when I was in rehabilitation. Over the years, I had forgotten exactly how big the apartment actually was, with one study, five bedrooms, three bathrooms, two sitting rooms and one giant-ass kitchen. Originally, when Commander Anderson was still married to his now ex-wife and living with his three children, I had wondered what they needed so many bedrooms for.

“The squad’s having a meeting with an accountant from the Joint Military Council,” Kaidan said as we hung our coats up. “Come on.”

I led the way to the first living room, only to find it empty. “There’s no one here,” I said.

“They’re in the other living room,” Kaidan explained.

“Of course they are, how silly of me,” I said.

The other living room was larger, and had close to twenty people gathered in it, including a short, stocky, dark skinned man, a woman with long, dark hair, paper-white skin, and black, frog-like eyes, a dark skinned man with only one eye, a red-haired man that was even shorter than I was, and a tall, muscular, blonde man with teeth so perfect they were blinding to look at.

“It’s not happening,” a woman, who I assumed was the accountant from the Joint Military Council, said.

“Fine, then this ship is never leaving the dock,” the short stocky man said.

“Commander Anderson, this is ridiculous,” the woman said.

“No it isn’t,” Commander Anderson said. “It’s a simple request, one that you lot will grant, even if it means upping taxes. Simply put, my ship won’t function without these.”

“The velvet green cushion covers are three times more expensive than the standard-issue covers,” the woman said, throwing her hands up in disgust.

“Wow, I had no idea people actually did that,” I murmured in awe, watching her.

“When I left to fetch you, they were on custom-made mess-tins,” Kaidan whispered in my ear, grinning.

“What does Anderson care about this sort of thing?” I asked quietly.

“He probably doesn’t,” Kaidan answered. “He just enjoys stringing them along.”

Commander Anderson heard our whispers and looked up. “Lieutenant Alenko, what do I say about whisperers in my presence?” he snapped.

“Uh, nothing sir,” Kaidan said in confusion. “Your rules include speaking when spoken to, doing push-ups and not stopping with an exercise unless on the verge of death.”

Commander Anderson sighed. “Then be creative lieutenant,” he said. “Make something up.”

“Sir,” Kaidan said smartly. “The offending party needs to stand on one leg until otherwise notified.”

Commander Anderson considered this, frowning. “Good,” he said at last. “Go ahead, lieutenant. And no using those biotic powers of yours to help you along.”

Owing to a random freak of nature and bad luck, certain species (namely the asari and the drell) had the ability to manipulate energy around them. Humans (and a few other species) could achieve similar affects with the help of implants inserted in the forebrain. Kaidan was one of those lucky individuals.

Kaidan gave me a meaningful look and leaned onto his left leg.

“And Ken, here you are,” Commander Anderson continued, turning his glare onto me.

“Yes sir, here I am,” I said.

“Congratulations on becoming an N7,” he said. “You have brought shame onto the programme by doing this, but I forgive you.”

“Thanks,” I said. “You owe me a million credits by the way.”

“For what?” he asked.

“You bet me a million credits that I wouldn’t make the designation, remember?” I said.

“I didn’t,” he said. “I said it would never happen. Sadly, I’ve been proven wrong, but that rarely happens, so I can be forgiven. Let me introduce you to the marine squad. Everyone who is not a marine is dismissed. That includes you,” he added, glaring at the accountant.

“The velvet cushion covers aren’t happening,” she said.

“Don’t care,” Commander Anderson said. “Vamoose.”

She packed her business case up and scurried out. When only the marines were left, Commander Anderson said, “Right everyone, this is Ken. He is to be my XO. Any questions?”

“Yes,” a young, sandy-haired private waved his arm around. 

“It was a rhetorical question, Jenkins, but go ahead,” Commander Anderson sighed.

“Are you Major Shepard?” Private Jenkins asked me.

“Yes,” I said.

“No he isn’t,” Commander Anderson said, scowling at me. “The boy has delusions of grandeur. Major Shepard is someone else entirely.”

“How far are you going to take this joke?” I asked.

“As far as it needs to go,” Commander Anderson said. “Anyway, I figured now that the entire Twelfth Infiltration Unit is all together, we should spend a few moments getting to know each other.”

“Who’s the Twelfth Infiltration Unit?” Zaeed, the one-eyed man, asked.

“Us, you retard,” Kasuumi, the woman with the paper-white skin, said.

“Stupid questions behind us, everyone go around and say what your name and your favourite colour is,” Commander Anderson said. “I don’t actually care what your favourite colour is, but apparently this is a good way to break the ice.”

“I already know Shep,” Zaeed said, using my old, bad-ass and awesome nickname. “I don’t need to break any ice.”

“Just do it, Masaad,” Commander Anderson said.

“Oh bloody hell,” Zaeed said. “I’m Private Zaeed Masaad, I have been a private in the marines for about thirteen years and my favourite colour is red.”

“You’re still a private?” I asked.

“Yeah, the admirals hate me,” Zaeed said. “That’s why I haven’t been promoted yet.”

“I think it’s more to do with the fact that you’re a shit soldier, Masaad,” I said. “Next.”

“I’m Operations Chief Kasuumi Dranne,” Kasuumi said. “I’ve been in the marines for almost five years, and my favourite colour is green.”

“Because she’s part drell, ladies and gentlemen,” I said. Kasuumi’s father was a drell, a species that was green and frog-like in appearance.

“Are you going to comment after every single person?” Commander Anderson asked.

“Perhaps,” I said. “It depends on how interesting the person is.”

“I’m Corporal Richard L. Jenkins, and I’ve been in the marines for a year,” Private Jenkins said. “My favourite colour is pink.”

“What’s the L stand for?” I asked.

“Lyle,” Richard said.

“You poor child,” I said. “Next.”

“Can I put my leg down now?” Kaidan interrupted.

“No,” Commander Anderson said. “Who’s next?”

“Me sir,” a short man with the most awesome moustache I had ever seen said. “I’m Service Chief Gordon Alesindro, I’ve been with the marines for eight years.”

“Is that moustache real?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said.

“Is it legal?” I asked.

Commander Anderson sighed deeply. “Not really, ma’am,” Gordon admitted. “It’s a relic from my sabbatical.”

I nodded genially to the blonde man, who I recognised vaguely from my time at Del Sol. “I’m Gunnery Chief Luco De Valentino,” he said.

“Hey, I remember you,” I exclaimed. “My friend Ash had a…I mean you’re Cupid.”

There were snorts around the room. “That was my nickname, at Del Sol,” Luco said. “Anyway, my favourite colour is teal.”

“Is that even a colour?” I asked, just as Kaidan fell over.

“Sorry sir, my leg gave way,” he said.

“Forgiven Alenko, if you can tell me what fifty two times nine hundred is,” Commander Anderson said.

“Um, eighty thousand and twenty?” Kaidan guessed.

“Ok, get up then,” Commander Anderson said.

“I was right?” Kaidan asked in surprise, getting up.

“I have no bloody idea,” Commander Anderson said. “I don’t really care.”

.....

That evening I had the absolute joy and pleasure of going out to supper with my grandparents, Auntie Jen and Jason. I actually didn’t mind seeing Jason and Auntie Jen, as they were both relatives who I could stand spending more than a few minutes with. My grandparents however were another kettle of fish.

My grandfather was already drunk when I got to the restaurant. “C’mon Janey, give us a kiss,” he slurred when I reached their table. I grimaced, but bent and quickly kissed the top of his head.

My grandmother gave me a hug, then stepped back and looked me up and down. “You’re looking a bit peaky,” she said. “Are you sure you’re eating properly?”

“I’m in the army, Grandma,” I said. “Of course I’m not eating properly. Auntie Jen,” I added, smiling at her.

“Janey, how are you?” she asked, smiling nervously. “You look well. I mean you got an N7 designation, so, I mean, come on, you must be well. We’re so proud of you, love, you’ve really done us proud.”

Auntie Jen had the unfortunate habit of talking incessantly without letting anyone get a word in edgeways. I smiled tolerably and sat down.

“Jason not here yet?” I asked.

“No, it seems he’s running late,” Grandma said, her lips so thin they almost disappeared.

My grandfather, and then later my father, had the unfortunate (for us anyway) issue of being short and choosing short wives (my sister and I decided that this was simply so that they could at least be taller than their spouses). This meant that around the entire table, there was no one that was over five foot five.

“So, how are you, dear?” Grandma asked.

“Oh, you know,” I shrugged. “Good, I guess. I mean, times have been tough, but I seem to have gotten through them in one piece.”

“Mm yes,” Grandma said, nodding and clearly not hearing I was saying. “Are you still taken by this army business?”

I frowned in confusion. “I thought I was wearing still my uniform, but clearly not,” I said irritably.

“Yes dear, a sharp tongue is rather an unbecoming thing in a young lady,” Grandma said, glaring at me.

I considered saying it was a good thing I wasn’t a young lady, but decided that, given the fact that I had last seen my grandparents was at my family’s funeral eight years ago, where we had left things on a rather tense note, I should rather not press my luck.

“Yes, I’m still taken with this ‘army business’,” I said instead. “I just got an N7 designation.” Grandma and Grandpa frowned in confusion. “The highest designation a marine can get,” I prompted. I sighed when they still looked confused. “Are you sure dad was your son?” I asked irritably. 

Grandpa scowled. Thankfully, Jason arrived with his aid, Daniel.

I had never met Daniel, but had heard a lot about him from Jason. I was therefore very surprised to see that he had Down’s Syndrome.

Not because I was discriminatory towards disabled people. There had been two disabled people in the family when I was growing up: Jason had severe Cerebral palsy, which meant that he relied on other people for pretty much everything, and me, who had asthma and was plagued with shortness and too many brilliant jokes. No, I was surprised by the fact that Daniel had Down’s Syndrome because, technology being what it was, such disabilities didn’t exist anymore.

Auntie Jen and I sprang up to hug Jason. “How goes, baby bro,” I said, kissing the top of his head.

“Good, Shay,” he said. “This is my aid, Dan. Dan, this is my sister, Shay.”

“’Lo Shay,” Dan said shyly, looking at my left foot.

“Nice to meet you, Dan,” I said.

Then Jason had to go through being hugged and kissed by Grandma, and having his hand shook by Grandpa, whilst Dan shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.

“And who’s your little…friend, Jason?” Grandma asked, looking Dan up and down and speaking as though both he and Jason were toddlers and not grown men.

“This is my aid, Dan,” Jason said, trying hard to speak clearly so that Grandma and Grandpa could understand him.

“I don’t understand,” Grandma said. “Jane dear, what did he say?”

I sighed. This little ritual played out every single time we saw them. “He said it’s his aid, Dan,” I said tiredly.

“Nice to meet you, Dan,” Grandpa slurred. “Do you want a drink?”

Dan glanced at Jason, who shrugged. “No thanks,” Dan whispered.

“You can go now, Dan,” Jason said. “Pick me up at ten, ok?”

“’K, Jay,” Dan said. “See you later.” He ambled across the restaurant and out the door.

The waiter appeared to take our drinks order. I tried ordering a gin and tonic, and was firmly told by my grandmother that young ladies did not drink alcohol. I wasn’t sure which young ladies she was referring to, because none of the young ladies I knew behaved like that. Instead, Auntie Jen and I contented ourselves with punch. Jason ordered a beer.

“And can you bring it in a Sippy cup?” I added, having relayed Jason’s order. 

The waiter frowned in confusion, then blushed when he realised why I’d said that. Jason’s scowl deepened.

“So, Jason, how’s work?” Grandpa asked slowly and loudly, once the waiter had left.

Right on cue. Next, they’d be asking me to relay messages to Jason, as if the fact that he was unable to communicate with them meant that he could not possibly understand him. I wondered how Jason would react. When we were children, he would do one of three things: he would either start knocking things off the table, he would go completely limp and silent, like he was some kind of weird rag doll, or he would start shouting and swearing at the top of his voice. John, Jean and I were then required to do some quick thinking with regards to our translating, whilst our parents pretended nothing was wrong. The four of us were usually in big trouble when we got home.

“He can understand you, Dad,” Auntie Jen said wearily. “He’s got CP. He’s not deaf, and he’s certainly not stupid.”

Jason and I both turned to stare at her. As awesome as Auntie Jen was, she, like Dad, had always been unwilling to openly speak out against her parents.

“Work’s fine,” Jason said. “I’m in the process of moving to the Citadel.”

“Whoa, really?” I asked. “Why?”

“Dranne Incorporated is starting a branch here, and they want me to be the CEO,” Jason said, shrugging. He shrugged. “It’s probably just window dressing, but the salary is about a million billion credits a month.”

“Either that or it’s because you’re the smartest person in the galaxy,” I said proudly. “That’s amazing.”

He grinned. “Thanks,” he said.

“Yeah, well done Jason,” Auntie Jen said.

Grandma glared at me. “Oh, Jason said that he’s officially the richest Shepard ever to live,” I said. “He’ll blow the cash on booze and women and become one of those sad ‘Whatever happened to…?’ stories.”

Jason snorted, but Grandma scowled. “You really ought to watch your tongue, my dear,” she said.

“Why, is it coming off?” I asked. I don’t know why, but for some reason, authority figures that scared the pants off of other people had absolutely no effect on me.

We small-talked our way through drinks. When our food arrived, Grandpa said, “Let us bow our heads in prayer.” We were all Catholic.

Jason very clearly said, “No.”

“I-you-what?” Grandpa spluttered. “What did you say, boy?”

“No,” Jason repeated.

“I think he said no, Dad,” Auntie Jen said quietly.

Grandpa looked at me. “Why did he say no?” he asked.

“I have no idea,” I said. “Why don’t you ask him?”

All heads turned to Jason. “I’m an atheist,” he said as clearly as possible.

Oh good lord.

“What did he say?” Grandma asked.

I gave Jason a questioning look. He nodded. 

“He said he’s an atheist,” I said.

.....

It went pretty much downhill from there, if that was even possible. Jason was almost entirely cut out of the conversation, and Auntie Jen and I had to endure topics of conversation such as ‘when are you getting over this army business and getting into a proper career’, ‘when last did you say mass’, ‘when are you settling down with a proper man’, ‘no man is ever going to fall for you if you don’t wear makeup slash if you wear your hair like that’, and ‘when are you going to fall pregnant’.

I had a mild panic attack over the last point, but I managed to say “Never,” in a relatively calm voice.

“Oh, Jane dear, with John and Jeanie dead, you are the last chance I have of having a great grandchild,” Grandma said.

Jason scowled, and managed to lift his spoon (which he wore on his left hand, the only part of his body he had any real control over) high enough to dump some of his stew onto the table cloth.

Grandma smiled unpleasantly, but otherwise made no acknowledgment that Jason was there.

“Jennifer is unfortunately past her prime with regards to baby making, and it doesn’t seem to me that men would be interested in her in any case,” she continued. “You though. You’re reasonably attractive, sort of smart. You could maybe snare a man if you tried hard enough.”

I tried to smile widely. It was hard. I contented myself with taking a bite of mashed potato instead. “Actually, I’m four months pregnant,” Auntie Jen said quietly.

I snarfed my mashed potato out of my mouth and onto the table cloth, next to Jason’s dollop of stew. There was a loud clunk as Jason knocked his cup onto the floor. We both turned to stare at Auntie Jen, who was almost purple in the face.

“But you’re not married,” Grandpa said quietly.

“I know,” Auntie Jen mumbled, looking down at her lap.

“You’re not even engaged,” he said quietly.

“I know,” she repeated, her voice barely audible.

“My only daughter has been living in sin,” he said, his voice deadly quiet. “You come and spring this on us at dinner, with no warning, in front of your young niece and nephew.”

“I’m sorry Dad,” Auntie Jen said. “It’s something I wouldn’t have been able to keep from you for long.”

“How dare you bring shame to this family,” he continued.

“Are you kidding me?” I said. All eyes turned to me, and I immediately cursed myself. Now that I had everyone’s attention, I had no choice but to continue.

“Everyone has sex before marriage nowadays,” I said. Both Grandma and Grandpa winced when I said sex, and I suddenly realised why I was such a prude. “There’s nothing wrong with it. I will literally eat my hat if this had been Auntie Jen’s first time. I was seventeen when I lost my virginity. Heck, John was conceived out of wedlock.”

“What?” Grandma asked in shock.

“Are you really that blind?” I sighed. “Mom and Dad were married in January 2169, and John was born in July 2169. Either he was severely premature, in which case he should have been at least as short as me and far unhealthier, or Mom was already pregnant when she got married.”

Grandma seemed to be having some sort of panic attack. “It’s alright, Janet,” Grandpa said, patting her hand. He glared at me. “I hope you are happy with yourself,” he snapped. “I’m taking her back to the hotel.”

“Fine,” I said glumly. “Bye.”

They exited the restaurant, leaving Auntie Jen, Jason and me in an awkward silence. “So, pregnant, huh?” Jason asked, breaking the silence.

“Yep,” Auntie Jen said, picking at the stripe on her jacket.

“Congratulations,” Jason said.

“Thanks,” Auntie Jen said.

I stretched. “Those bastards left us the bill,” I said. I waved the waiter over and asked to pay.

“Hey, Auntie,” I said, as we waited for the paypoint to come. “Can I be your room mate in hell? I don’t fancy Hitler too much.”

To my surprise she gave a snort. 

.....

The next day we took part in some training exercises on the Normandy. The first time I walked into the hangar where she was being kept, I stopped short.

“Wow,” I whispered. 

“She’s beautiful,” Kaidan said softly.

The Normandy was technically classified as a frigate, but was at least half the size of an ordinary frigate. Coloured blue and white, like all Alliance ships, she was sleek and slim, looking far more aerodynamic than other Alliance ships, most likely because most of her design was based on turian engineering.

“Ready for the grand tour?” Commander Anderson asked, sounding just as excited as the rest of us felt. He pressed his ID bracelet against the scanner next to the airlock and the airlock opened with a soft hiss.

“Logged, Commander David Anderson, Commanding Officer of the SSV Normandy SR1 is aboard,” a female voice, no doubt belonging to a virtual intelligence said.

The interior airlock hissed open and we stepped into the ship. “The flight deck,” Commander Anderson said, indicating the cockpit to our left.

“Sweet ass,” Lieutenant Jeffery Morreau, the air-force commanding officer, said. “Holy shit, what kind of interface is that?”

“The kind that you can see later, we’re busy with the tour at the moment, Joker,” Commander Anderson said.

“But sir,” Joker complained, scowling.

“But nothing, Joker, my word is law aboard this craft,” Commander Anderson snapped. “Come on.”

He led us into the Combat Information Centre. We all stopped short.

“Well, that’s confusing,” Kasuumi mumbled.

I wasn’t sure if she was referring to the CIC design, which was actually pretty confusing looking, or the fact that half-a-dozen turians were milling around inside it.

The turians turned to study us. Due to the First Contact War (an eighty year long war fought between turians and humans, which ended about twenty seven years ago), relations between turians and humans were not the greatest. I considered saying something along the lines of ‘I come in peace’, or maybe ‘please Mr Turian sir, don’t eat me’, but decided that this would label me as a coward and cause me to be kicked out of the army.

A turian who was dressed in civvies stepped forwards. Turians were odd looking creatures. They had incredibly long legs which bent in the wrong direction, giving the impression that they may topple over at any second. Colloquially called birds among humans, they had hard, grey skin that formed plates, mandibles, and head fringes that looked oddly like eagles crests.

“Commander Anderson,” the turian said in protha.

“Spectre Nihlus,” Commander Anderson said in an oddly formal voice.

There were murmurs from the group behind me. “Did he say Spectre?” Richard asked in an audible whisper.

“What the bloody hell is a Spectre even doing here?” Chief Engineer Adams murmured.

Spectre (standing for Special Tactics and Reconnaissance) was the Council’s secret service agency.

“Giving your men a tour?” Nihlus asked, looking us over.

“More or less,” Commander Anderson said, his tone still respectful. “May I present to you my second in command, Major Shepard?” he waved a dismissive hand in my direction.

I shook Nihlus’ hand, trying very hard to not let any fan girl squeals to pass my lips. I had only ever shaken hands with a Spectre once before. It had been a moving experience, far less so when he’d challenged Commander Anderson to a duel for my soul.

Nihlus however, seemed to examine me closely as we shook hands. “Nice to meet you, Major,” he said.

“You too, sir,” I said in a croaky voice. “I am so…honoured. I’ve never…”

“Alright Ken, don’t get too girly now,” Commander Anderson cut me off impatiently. “Spectre Nihlus, this is our Captain, Captain Weissman.”

Captain Weissman kept her cool far better than I had. “Nice to meet you,” was all she said.

“And this is our air force commander, Flight Lieutenant Morreau,” Commander Anderson finished.

Nihlus looked around in confusion. Joker gave a slight cough. “Down here,” he said.

Nihlus squinted down at him. “I beg your pardon, I didn’t see you,” he said politely. “Uh, how is one so short going to fly this ship?”

“With great skill and precision,” Joker said coldly.

Nihlus gave a slight nod. “I beg your pardon, I didn’t mean to cause offence,” he said.

“Anyway, now that the nice part is out of the way, this is the rest of my crew,” Commander Anderson said, waving a hand in the direction of the others. “Men, Spectre Nihlus will be travelling with us on the Normandy, so be sure to grant him every courtesy.”

There were murmurs of discontent. I didn’t blame them. Spectres tended to work above the law, and if they were around, it generally meant that something dodgy was about to go down. “Oh shut up,” Commander Anderson said wearily. “Right, engineers to C-deck to be taught engineery things, air force people back to the flight deck, marines with me, and navy stay here in the CIC.”

Everyone moved off. “Marines, as you can see the CIC looks a bit different to what we’re used to,” Commander Anderson said, as we crowded closer.

This was an understatement. In an Alliance vessel, terminals were arranged around the outer wall and in a circle in the middle of the room. At the aft-end of the room was the galaxy map and mission board on which missions were posted. In this CIC, the galaxy map appeared as a hologram in the middle of the room, with terminals arranged around that. There were additional rows of terminals arranged along two of the outer walls. Strangest of all was a platform that stood next to the galaxy map, on which a terminal was placed.

“Whoever designed this CIC was on crack,” Zaeed mumbled.

“Not at all, Private,” Commander Anderson said. “The premise for this CIC is pretty much the same as with a normal CIC: there are few free terminals for useless soldiers such as yourself to pretend to be doing work on, then people such as tech expert, XO, commander, OC and service chief get assigned a terminal. I believe the commander works up there.” He nodded to the terminal on the platform.

“So, literally lording over us,” I mumbled.

“There aren’t any chairs, sir,” Luco said.

“Correct, De Valentino, well spotted,” Commander Anderson said. “Apparently turians don’t sit down when on duty.”

“What, not at all?” Kaidan asked, looking slightly alarmed.

“That’s nuts, a shift is twelve hours long,” Gordon complained. “We’re supposed to be on our feet for twelve hours?”

“I’m cool with that,” I said. “Chairs are pretty much useless to me in any case.” Everyone stared at me. “I’m taller when I stand. If I sit, I generally can’t see terminal screens.”

“Jesus,” Zaeed mumbled in disgust, shaking his head at me.

I was shown where my future work station was to be. It was directly next to the commander’s post, which was something I decided not to be thrilled about. For some odd reason, I was very aware of Nihlus’s eyes following me around the room. I decided I was imagining things.

We were then taken to deck B, where the crew quarters were located. Usually, higher up officers, like captains, commanders and executive officers, had quarters at the top of the ship, but owing to issues such as ‘space constraints’ and ‘engineering issues’ (these sounded a lot like excuses to me, but anyway), our cabins were also located on deck B. Commander Anderson showed us the cabin he and I would be sharing first.

“Under no circumstances are you to disturb Ken and I in here, unless it’s an emergency, like the ship is about to explode,” Commander Anderson said, as we looked around. It wasn’t exactly spacious, but it had a porthole, and a screen dividing the room into two. “Ken, you are also not allowed to speak under any circumstances whilst in this room, unless it is a matter of great urgency,” Commander Anderson continued.

“Yeah right,” I said. “Bags I the bed with the porthole.” I banged myself onto the bed in question. “Ow, Christ,” I groaned, rubbing my bottom. “Why can’t we have feather beds?”

“Ladies and gentlemen, your executive officer,” Commander Anderson said, waving a hand in my direction. I gave an ironical bow.

The crew quarters were like the crew quarters on any other warship: pokey, overcrowded and uncomfortable.

“Enjoy,” I said to Kaidan, as he looked around, an expression of horror on his face.

“Bite me,” he mumbled.

.....

“I want a pet fish,” I announced. I was eating lunch with Zaeed, Kasuumi, Kaidan and Luco at the Fishdog Food Shack, an alien restaurant that made awesome food.

“Good for you,” Kasuumi said, looking up from the drell meal she was eating. It seemed to consist of a strange version of naan, cous cous and weird boiled vegetables.

“When I was a kid, the only pets we were allowed to have were fish and hamsters,” I continued. “So, now I want one.”

“Well, Shep, as my mother would say, stop wanting and start doing,” Zaeed said. Zaeed’s mother had allegedly invented every single idiom in the galaxy.

“Fuck off, she didn’t,” Kasuumi snapped.

“She did too,” Zaeed said.

“Shut it,” Kaidan said tiredly. “You’re both adults. Start acting like it.”

“Oh, hark at him,” Zaeed said.

“I need a volunteer,” I announced. Zaeed, Kasuumi and Kaidan all busied themselves with their meals. They knew how I operated. “De Valentino?” I asked.

Luco looked slightly alarmed. “Uh, what do you need me to do ma’am?” he asked.

“Don’t do anything she says,” Zaeed said in a stage whisper. “She leaves dead soldiers in her wake everywhere she goes.”

“I need you to storm that pet shop across the way over there,” I said, ignoring Zaeed and indicating a shop called ‘Darne’s Pette Shoppe’. “I need you to torture the owner until she tells you how much a gold fish costs. Understood?”

Luco blinked in confusion. “Just ask her,” Kaidan said kindly.

“Right,” Luco said.

Kaidan shook his head sadly as Luco walked away. “Poor kid,” he said.

“Kid?” I asked in surprise. “He’s our age.”

“I know, but for some reason he seems so much younger than us,” Kaidan said. “So, your aunt’s pregnant?”

“Yep,” I said. “And now single and unemployed.” The army didn’t look kindly on its female members falling pregnant, unless they had achieved an officership rank.

“That’s tough,” Kaidan said sympathetically. “Lisa’s talking about having kids.”

“But you’ve barely been going out for six months,” I protested. “Is everyone getting into the habit of rushing their relationships?”

“Yeah, don’t have kids, mate,” Zaeed said. “Believe me, it changes you.”

“How many do you have?” Kaidan asked.

“Three,” Zaeed said, scowling. “I’m almost certain the third one isn’t mine.”

“Why would your wife cheat on you when you’re such a prize?” I asked sarcastically.

“Oh, shut up, Shep,” Zaeed said.

“I wonder what any kid of mine would look like,” Kasuumi murmured. “Would it be more human, or more drell? My boyfriend’s drell, so I’d assume the kid would be more like him.”

“Or you could create a whole new species and have a child who’s one half turian or something, one quarter human, and one quarter drell,” Kaidan said.

Luco returned. “The fish cost a thousand credits,” he said, sitting down again.

“A thousand credits?” I exclaimed. “I’m not paying a thousand credits for one fish.”

“That’s actually not bad, considering fried batter fish costs two million credits on an Alliance world,” Kaidan said.

“Screw that,” I snapped. “It ain’t happening.”

“Darn it, De Valentino, you went all that way for nothing,” Zaeed remarked.

“Nope,” I said. “I bet y’all that I can get a fish from that shop for half the price.”

“Why don’t I just go and steal you a fish if you want one so badly,” Kasuumi asked.

“I’m doing this legally, Dranne,” I said. “Come on, I bet you guys.”

“How about no, Jane,” Kaidan said.

“Ugh, Ash would’ve taken me up,” I mumbled.

“Ouch, one BFF was just compared with another BFF,” Zaeed said.

Kaidan gave him a strange look. “Why should I care?” he asked.

“Look, Masaad, don’t be jealous because you aren’t one of my BFFs,” I said.

“We’re getting off track,” Luco said. “How’re you planning on getting a discount?”

“By using my superior skill and intellect,” I said, preening. “But first I need someone to take me up on the bet.”

“It’s against my culture,” Zaeed said at once.

“I thought you were atheist,” I said.

“Not at all,” Zaeed said. “I’m an honest-to-God Muslim. Ask anyone.”

I rolled my eyes. “Kaidan?” I asked.

“Nope,” Kaidan said.

“Come on, you’re one of the richest people in the Alliance,” I said. “Surely you can spare a few thousand credits.”

“Nope,” he repeated.

“De Valentino?” I asked, rounding on Luco.

“Uh,” he said.

“Don’t do it, gunny,” Kaidan said. “Nothing good ever comes from betting against her.”

“How would you know?” I asked. “You’re a psychopath.”

“For the seven millionth time, I have antisocial personality disorder,” Kaidan said. “I’m not a psychopath.”

“Hey, snap,” Zaeed said. “Except I quite like the term ‘psychopath’.”

“No one cares, Masaad,” I said. “How about it, De Valentino?”

“Don’t do it, De Valentino,” Kaidan said.

“Whose bloody side are you on anyway?” I snapped.

“The side of light,” Kaidan said dramatically. “Just get on with it already, Jane. No one’s going to bet.”

We paid and went across the way so that we were outside the pet shop. “Masaad, change coats with me,” I said.

“What?” Zaeed asked. “Why?”

“Because Major Shepard ordered you to,” I said. “Come on, hurry up.”

Zaeed looked confused, but took his coat off and gave it to me. I handed him my coat.

“Hey, does this make me a major?” he asked as I put his coat on.

“No, it makes you a private who is busy holding a major’s coat,” I said. “How do I look?”

“Really stupid,” Kasuumi said. She was probably right. Zaeed was more than a foot taller than me, and his coat reached down to my feet. I had to roll the sleeves about ten times to get to my hands, and his belt didn’t fit my waist even when I had it at its tightest.

“But do I look poor?” I asked.

“Not really,” Luco said. “You look mentally disabled.”

I sighed. “It’ll have to do,” I said. “Now, watch and learn.”

I hunched my posture over and walked into the shop. I walked to a shelf that held a tame rabbit, examined the price tag and tutted loudly. Next I went to a tank of rats, and gave a loud sniff. 

“Can I help you?” the asari manning the till asked (a conflict of terms. All asari are deemed female. In fact, they look a lot like our women, except they are blue and have tentacle heads. They are also hermaphrodites).

“I was looking at your prices,” I said, attempting (and probably failing) a Ward accent. “They’re pretty high.”

“Oh,” the shopkeeper said condescendingly. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that. Maybe a store on Zakera Ward will be more in your price range.” Zakera Ward was the poorest ward in the Citadel.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked aggressively. “Are you saying I’m poor, or something?”

“N-,” the shopkeeper began, going purple (an asari equivalent to the blush response, for those who care).

“You sit there with your fancy omnitool, and your pretty clothes,” I interrupted loudly. “I bet you drive a Blackstar, right? Whilst my children are eating protein paste in the shelters.”

“No, please, that’s not what I meant,” the shopkeeper said weakly.

I went over to the door and bellowed, “Hey everyone. This shop discriminates against poor people.” 

Commuters turned to stare at me. I spied Kasuumi and Luco watching me in horror. Kaidan appeared to be bent double with laughter, and Zaeed was nodding approvingly.

“Come one, come all, apparently this shop only serves the rich,” I continued shouting.

“No, please stop, I’m sorry,” the asari said. “If it’ll make you feel better I’ll give you a discount. Fifty per cent off anything you buy, yes?”

I pretended to consider this. “Oh, alright,” I said grudgingly. “But you still hurt my feelings.”

Fifteen minutes later I left the shop carrying my new pet goldfish, who I was already calling Rusty.

“Wow,” Kasuumi said. “I don’t know whether to be alarmed or impressed.”

“Be both,” I said.

“Have you ever considered a career as a criminal?” she asked. “You’d be good at it.”

“Frequently,” I said. “I just don’t like the idea of working for myself.”

“You are the craziest woman I’ve ever known, and that’s saying a lot,” Kaidan said.

.....

The Normandy left a week later. The week preceding our departure was spent doing training exercises on the ship, with the turian engineers and Nihlus continuously looking over our shoulder. To be perfectly honest, I was actually getting slightly freaked out by Nihlus. Literally every time I turned around, he was standing directly behind me.

The day before our departure, we had a run-through of the actual launch event. Apparently the programme itself consisted of a lot of marching around, saluting various people and doing a roll-call. The roll call was incredibly boring, mostly because the naval staff on the ship amassed to seventy five people. Commander Anderson was apparently too important to do roll-call, so this duty fell onto me. 

After Commander Anderson was reasonably satisfied that we weren’t going to cock the launch up, he said to me, “Ken, dine with me.”

I looked nervously at the others. “Yes sir,” I said.

We ended up eating at Apollo’s, a human-run sandwich shop on the Presidium. “So, Ken, since we will be sharing a room, I feel that it is important for us to know each other’s flaws and bad habits,” Commander Anderson said somewhat formally after we’d ordered.

“Um, ok,” I said uncertainly. “I guess. Why not?”

“So, this is a safe space, no judgements, no questions,” he continued. “What are your irritating habits?”

“Well, I think you already know my biggest one,” I said.

“You’re incredibly whiny?” Commander Anderson guessed.

“What?” I said distracted. “No.”

“You need help reaching high things,” he corrected himself.

“Sometimes, but that’s not it either,” I said.

“You can’t watch movies with a PG-13 age restriction,” he said. “You’re an orphan. You still wet the bed. Your favourite film is Orphan Annie goes to Space.”

“Nope,” I sighed. “I talk a lot.”

“Oh, well, yeah I was getting to that one,” Commander Anderson said. “Let’s see, my biggest flaw is that I sleep with a handgun under my pillow, which I fire if I hear any loud noises at night.” My jaw dropped open. “Good,” Commander Anderson said, smiling. “I’m glad we had this talk.”

“Wait, wait wait,” I said. “Hold the fucking phone. You sleep with a handgun under your pillow which you fire if you hear any loud noises?”

“Yep,” Commander Anderson said.

“Is it loaded with blanks?” I asked

“Nope.”

“But, what if you hit someone?” I asked.

“Depending on where I hit them, they’d either be dead or in the hospital,” Commander Anderson said.

“Oh ha ha,” I said sarcastically. “Isn’t that against every law in the Alliance and Citadel space?”

“You’re not very good at this non-judgement thing, Ken,” Commander Anderson said.

“You just told me I might get killed for stubbing my toe on the way to the John,” I protested weakly.

Commander Anderson snorted. “Do you honestly think I aim that low, Ken?” he asked. “You’ll be fine.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled. “So, why exactly is Nihlus on the ship?”

“Because the Council demanded it,” Commander Anderson said shortly. “There are some unfortunate things that come with being the Council’s new pet. On that note, the entire Council will be there tomorrow.”

I gulped. “The Council?” I squeaked.

“Don’t tell me you’re afraid of people in fancy dress, Ken,” Commander Anderson said.

“Well, if those people happen to be the most important people in the galaxy, then yeah I am,” I said. I drained my lemonade glass in a single gulp. “Why are they going to be there exactly?” I asked after a long coughing fit.

He shrugged. “Apparently the Council was a silent partner in the building of the Normandy,” he said. “They just want to make sure that everything goes shipshape.”

“They weren’t very silent if we all know about it,” I said. “How much does the Alliance owe the Council now in any case?” We’d borrowed most of the money we’d used to fund the war from the Council.

“From what I hear, that debt will soon be paid in full,” Commander Anderson said.

“How?” I asked, laughing. “You think Udina will be asked to join the Council?” Donnel Udina was the Alliance’s ambassador to the Citadel, and was probably the most humourless bastard I’d ever had the misfortune of being in the same room with.

Commander Anderson sighed deeply. He seemed to be ticked off over something, and I doubted very much it had to do with my insult of our ambassador. Before I could ask what the issue was, he raised his glass and said, “To the Normandy SR1. Long may she fly.” He drained his beer before noticing my drink was already finished.

“Oh, couldn’t you take part in the toast, Ken?” he asked unsympathetically. “That’s just too bad.”

.....

The next morning I received a call on my omnitool from Ash as I was getting dressed in my formal blues. “I tried to get leave to come wish you and Kaidan luck, but my CO said I’d just gotten back from my honeymoon,” she said, sounding peeved.

“Well, he is kind of right,” I pointed out.

“It was eight months ago, Jane,” Ash sighed. I grinned as I imagined her rolling her eyes.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said. “It’s going to consist of a bunch of people making speeches, me doing roll-call and a ship taking off. You can pretty much watch _Top Speed_ and see the same thing.”

“Still, it’s an important day for you guys,” Ash said.

“I guess,” I said, unconvinced. “Can you tell us what planet you’re serving on yet?”

“Nope,” she said. “There’s some shit going down, nothing major, but they want to keep it on the DL for the moment.”

“Fair enough,” I said, opening the box where I kept all my medals. It was empty. “What the-?” I began, then realised. “Dranne,” I bellowed at the top of my voice.

“What’s up?” Ash asked.

“That sneaky bloody druman has stolen my medals,” I said.

“Druman is probably the most original insult I’ve ever been given,” Kasuumi said, appearing behind me.

“Glad to hear it,” I said. “Give me back my medals.”

She sighed, reached into her pocket and gave them back to me.

“As much as this sounds way better than the best soapy on TV right now, I need to go,” Ash said. “Good luck, Janey. I’ll be keeping an eye on the news for you tonight.”

“Sure, see you Ash,” I said, distracted, hanging up. “Are you going to keep this under control, Dranne, or do I have to warn Commander Anderson to keep the ship’s valuables under lock and key.” Kasuumi had a slight issue with kleptomania.

“Well, I’ve never met a lock I can’t pick yet,” Kasuumi began.

“A simple yes or no answer will do, Dranne,” I said.

She sighed. “I’ll keep it under control,” she said.

“Good,” I said. “And if I hear of anything going missing on the ship, you can bet your ass I’ll be going to Anderson.”

“Arashu, calm your fucking bones,” Kasuumi snapped. “I won’t steal anything. Where would I sell it anyway?”

“I have no idea,” I said. “Now, get the hell out of my room.”

She scowled at me one more time before flouncing out. “If the wind changes direction, your face will stay that way,” I called after her.

“What does that even mean?” she called back.

“Buggered if I know,” I mumbled.

.....

We met the Council in a small conference room in the Citadel docks. The Council was made up of a representative from each of the Council races, namely the asari, the turians and the salarians. Councillor Asheel, the asari councillor had been serving on the Council for almost three hundred years (asari tended to age ten times slower than humans). She was in her eight hundreds and was tall, curvy and had beautiful brown eyes. Both the other council members had been serving on the Council for less than a decade, with Councillor Valern, the salarian councillor having been appointed the previous year, and Councillor Tarquin having served for almost eight years.

I was still uncertain why exactly I was at the meeting. Commander Anderson, Joker and Captain Weissman were required to be present as they were the commanding officers of the different corps aboard the ship (clearly Lieutenant Perez, the CO of the paratroopers squad was not deemed important enough), but as the ship’s executive officer I was destined to do the brunt of the work without actually getting any credit until someone took pity on me and put me up for promotion. I had asked Commander Anderson, but he had told me it was so that Joker could feel tall in comparison to me.

Ambassador Udina, the human ambassador the Alliance, was also there. A thin, humourless man with a limp handshake, he was someone I disliked intensely. Also present was a group of about ten Citadel Security officers, who all looked incredibly bored. I wasn’t sure why the Council needed so many C-Sec officers to defend them, but figured they probably didn’t trust humans enough not to attack aliens on sight.

“Welcome,” Councillor Asheel said in a low, musical voice. “This will be a quick meeting, as I am sure you all have a lot to do before take-off. We just wanted to say we are all very impressed by the way humanity has worked with us these past few months. You may not have made the best first impression when you introduced yourselves to the galaxy-“

“Or second or third,” Councillor Tarquin mumbled under his breath.

“But your people seem to be doing their upmost to their good side, rather than their bad side,” Councillor Asheel continued, either not hearing him or ignoring him. I pondered the irony of her comment, given the fact that there were still anti-alien riots happening across many Alliance worlds.

I watched as Ambassador Udina crossed to where the Council was standing and became aware that Councillor Valern was watching me. I felt myself blush and dropped my eyes.

“On behalf of humanity, and the Alliance prime minister, Elsebeth Merein, we thank you,” Ambassador Udina said. “Humanity is honoured to have the trust of the Council, and we promise not to let you down.”

I decided that it would be rude to say “Speak for yourself”, so instead I kept my mouth shut. 

And that was that. The Council swept out of the room, and we were dismissed. Back at the docks, the ship had been almost completely loaded.

“That was quick,” Kaidan said.

“And pointless,” I said. “Did anything happen whilst we were away?”

“I yelled at Masaad for malingering,” Kaidan said.

“That’s a big word,” I said.

“I’m rich now,” Kaidan said. “That means I need to be cultured. Oh, we loaded your secret supplies. They’re under your bed.”

“Thanks,” I said, grinning.

.....

The schedule for the actual take-off ceremony was very Pomp and Circumstance. We marched out onto the dock, past a saluting box where Admirals Mikhailovich, Hackett, Foster, Kahoku and Barishka, as well as a few turian Three Stars (generals) were standing. We then had to line up in front of the ship, where I did a roll-call. As I was the one who had to shout all the orders whilst marching and do the roll-call for a ship with a crew of about one hundred, I was naturally quite nervous. These nerves were increased by the fact that Commander Anderson came up to me before the ceremony started and told me that he’d castrate me if I fucked up. I knew this threat would be impossible to carry out, but I was aware that Commander Anderson was quite creative when it came to my punishments.

“Alright, they’re ready for us,” Commander Anderson said when the clock on my omnitool told me it was nine AM. “Take it away, Ken.”

I suddenly found myself unable to speak. “Men,” I squeaked. I cleared my throat. “Men,” I bellowed. “Present arms.” Everyone shouldered their rifles. “Forward…march.”

We marched out onto the docks. A sizeable crowd of relatives, friends and people with nothing better to do was gathered behind a cordon. I spied my grandparents, Jason and Auntie Jen standing next to Kaidan’s girlfriend, Lisa, who appeared to be taking as many photos as she possibly could.

“Eyes…right,” I roared as we came up to the saluting box. The admirals and turian Three Stars all saluted us boredly as we marched past.

“Halt,” I bellowed when we came to the spot in front of the ship we were supposed to gather at. “Ten-hut. Alenko,” I bellowed.

“Ma’am,” Kaidan shouted.

“Alesindro,” I bellowed. At this rate my voice was going to be shot well before the end of the roll-call.

Fortunately it only started squeaking when I had reached the esses, and the last name (Zafrena) was the only name that came out in a croak. I saluted Commander Anderson, and stepped back into place.

The crowd gave a loud round of applause (no doubt in relief that the roll-call was finished), and I contemplated giving a bow. I would’ve done too, if I hadn’t noticed Admiral Mikhailovich glaring at me.

Ambassador Udina and a representative of the turian Primarch (prime minister) each got up and made speeches about cooperation and future endeavours, which I was barely listening to. Finally, Commander Anderson gave the signal that we could enter the ship and make our way to our take-off positions. I felt kind of sorry for the crowd. They had to hang around for the half-hour pre-flight check before we could take off.

At the airlock, I gave Jason a small wave, who stuck his tongue out at me. I made my way to my terminal, and strapped myself into my harness and prepared myself for the very boring wait as the naval staff and pilots recited long strings of numbers, codes and random words into the intercom. I passed the time by playing Candyland and tuning them out.

Eventually I felt the familiar lurch in my belly as the ship’s thrusters kicked and watched out the porthole as the ship moved away from the Citadel and towards the Widow mass relay. Fifteen minutes later we were through the relay and in the next system.

“Ladies and gents, we are through the Widow relay,” Joker said over the intercom. “You may unfasten your seatbelts and light your cigarettes.”

I undid my harness and started my terminal. “How was that for a take-off?” Commander Anderson asked from above me.

“Not bad,” I said neutrally. He raised his eyebrows. “Oh, alright, it was pretty fucking awesome,” I said, grinning. “What comes next?”

“Next?” he asked. “Next we see what shit we can stir up, Ken.”


	4. September to October: the beacon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane finds out the true reason for Nihlus' presence, goes on a mission, gets blown up and appears before the Council. Any questions?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day? I can't be procrastinating anything and wasting time editing my backlog. This is me using my time constructively.
> 
> This is a very very veeerrryy long chapter, so settle in children. Grab a warm drink, get a snacky snack and make yourselves comfortable.
> 
> This chapter is now going into Mass Effect game territory, so you will see instances where the dialogue is similar/the same as in-game. Also, I couldn't resist extending the court proceedings. Who doesn't enjoy a good Jodi Piccoult amirite?
> 
> A few translation notes for the South African slang:  
> -lank-means very (usually surfer-bro slang). Example: my thesis is lank terrible, meaning my thesis is very terrible.  
> -eish-a statement made when things are going not at all well (the closest example I could think of is 'oh dear'). Used in a sentence: eish, I don't think I'll finish my thesis in time, meaning everything is fine, why are you asking?

I had a party in Commander Anderson and my cabin that night. Commander Anderson was at a meeting with Nihlus and the Joint Military Council regarding God only knows what, so I decided that he wouldn’t mind. I invited Luco (because he was my partner), Kaidan (because he was ex-boyfriend BFF), Kasuumi and Zaeed (because they had a certain entertainment value that was lacking in the rest of the marine squad). It was to be the party I had always dreamed of having, since I was a little girl, complete with bubble machines, golden streamers, crepe paper, chocolate, twenty first century music and a truck-load of booze. I even ended up wrapping Rusty’s tank in gold paper. It was indeed the party of the century.

Kasuumi started the toasts off. “To the Alliance,” she cried, knocking her shot of tequila back, then stuffing a lemon quarter into her mouth. She shuddered. “Arashu’s testicles, that’s disgusting,” she groaned.

“Can’t hold your liquor, precious?” Zaeed laughed.

“Can you hold my fist, Zaeed?” Kasuumi snapped.

“To this ship,” Luco shouted. “What’s its name again?”

“Bordeaux,” I said. “No, Paris. Uh, one of the French towns. I forget which.”

Zaeed put some music on, and we all started dancing. When Commander Anderson and Nihlus walked in half-an-hour later, we were all completely rat-faced on tequila and asari honey mead, dancing to REM’s ‘It’s the end of the world”, and pretty much completely topless. Commander Anderson looked around at the five of us, open-mouthed, before bellowing, “What in the name of hell is going on in here?”

There was a loud squeak as Zaeed shut the music off. “Ten-hut,” I roared, before bursting into loud giggles.

The others jumped to attention, and Luco fell over. The rest of us sniggered.

“Ken,” Commander Anderson said.

“Com-der,” I said, trying desperately not to slur.

“What’s happening here?” Commander Anderson asked.

“We’re having a party,” I said.

“Normandy,” Kaidan exclaimed.

“What?” I asked distracted.

“Ship’s name is Normandy,” Kaidan said.

“Oh, yeah,” I said. Nihlus stared around, open-mouthed, from Rusty’s gold fish-tank, to the bubble machine, to Luco’s binding, to my chest. I crossed my arms.

“Why are you having a party?” Commander Anderson said.

“This’s Shep’s first time having her own room,” Zaeed explained. “Also, any excuse to get shit-faced.”

“This is not his own room, I also sleep here,” Commander Anderson snapped. “Major, this is a disgrace. You and Alenko are both officers, you should know better. Clean this shit up. You’re all on three day stand-to. As soon as you are done here, get the hell out of my cabin.”

“Yes sir,” Kaidan mumbled.

“Sorry sir,” I added.

.....

After we had meekly tidied the cabin up, we went to stand guard in the CIC. “I warned you,” Zaeed said.

“No you didn’t,” I said.

“Yeah, I did,” Zaeed said. “Back on the Everest, remember? I said ‘two N7s on one ship leads to trouble’.”

“What?” Luco asked.

“My mom invented that saying,” Zaeed explained.

“I’m still calling bullshit on that one, Masaad,” I said. “For one, that isn’t even a proper saying.”

“Yet, here you stand,” Zaeed said. “The ship hasn’t even been flying twelve hours and you’re already on stand-to.”

“Yeah, I knew there would be consequences to this party,” I said.

“You knew there would be consequences and you threw the party anyway?” Kaidan asked in shock. “What the fuck, Jane.”

“Yeah, and you all should have known too,” I said. “Well, maybe not Kaidan, but the rest of you knew there would be trouble, but you fucking joined me anyway. You know why?”

“You’re a psychotic bitch who feeds off of other people’s pain?” Kasuumi mumbled.

“Whatever you say you are, Dranne,” I said. “No, you came because my parties kick ass.”

“Sure, I love three day stand-to,” Luco mumbled. At that moment Commander Anderson walked into the CIC.

“Officer on deck,” I bellowed.

“You and Kaidan are officers too,” Kasuumi mumbled, wincing.

“Yes, and I didn’t hear on officer on deck when I came into the room,” I said.

Commander Anderson came over to us. “You’re dismissed,” he said to us.

“Wait, what now?” Luco asked.

“Gosh, these last three days flew by,” I mumbled.

Commander Anderson glared at me. “Ken,” he said warningly.

“Sorry sir,” I mumbled.

“Get back to bed, all of you,” he said. There was a mad scramble for the door.

“Ken, I don’t want you to break regs like that ever again,” Commander Anderson said. “You do know that alcohol is contraband on a military ship, right?”

“Yes sir,” I said.

“Just checking,” he said. “I don’t want to have to send you back to basic. You barely survived the first time.”

“You aren’t working at Del Sol anymore sir,” I said. “I think my odds would be better.”

“Don’t be cheeky boy,” he said. “Come on, you need to be up early tomorrow to do XO type things.”

.....

A week later we reached the Yangzi System, where Eden Prime was situated. The CIC burst into cheers when Joker announced that we were heading for the Yangzi relay. I was less happy. The previous night the fire siren had accidently gone off, and Commander Anderson had fired his pistol, causing me to freak out and hide under my bed. Naturally, Commander Anderson was less than sympathetic. In fact, I needed to get to his omnitool to delete the video.

“Ken, you and Nihlus go hold Joker’s hand whilst he goes through the relay,” Commander Anderson said to me. “This is a big moment for the crew.”

I scowled. I was almost certain that Nihlus was there to spy on me, as I could not move a step without tripping over him.

“Where will you be?” I asked.

“My bedroom,” he said. “I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“Yeah, that’s why firing weapons in enclosed spaces is a bad idea,” I said. “What do you need me to do when we’re through the relay?”

“Get to the conference room for a briefing,” Commander Anderson said. “Tell Dranne to come as well. We may have mission.”

“Already?” I asked. “That didn’t take long.”

“We are the best ship in the fleet with arguably the best crew in the Alliance,” he said. “You’re the only black mark there. Obviously we already have a mission. Now, get ye to the cockpit, there’s a good lad.”

I turned away from my terminal, and almost crashed into Nihlus, who had apparently been standing behind me. I took a deep breath, decided that swearing a Spectre was probably not the greatest idea, and said instead, “Pardon me.”

“That’s quite alright,” he said politely. “Shall we get to the cockpit?”

“Why not?” I said.

Kaidan was busy working on one of the terminals when we got to the bridge, and it seemed we had walked in on quite an argument.

“Look, they funded the building of this tub,” Kaidan said. “Of course they’re going to send someone with to make sure everything’s running smoothly.”

“Only a bloody biotic would believe the official story,” Joker said, shaking his head sadly. “You’re so fucking naïve, Alenko. Suck it to him, Pressley.”

“If the Council needed someone to observe, why would they send a Spectre?” Navigator Pressley, an older man with greying hair, asked. “Especially a turian. This is a human ship.”

“You’re just racist,” Kaidan snapped, scowling at the terminal he was repairing.

“You’re just naïve,” Joker countered.

I cleared my throat. “Turian on deck,” I said loudly. All three of them jumped and looked suitably guilty. “Nice to see you three are hard at work,” I said more politely. “Spectre, if you’d like to take that seat.”

I couldn’t tell if Nihlus was angry at what he’d overheard, as his face was as expressionless as ever.

“Thank you,” was all he said.

“ETA to the Exodus relay in five minutes,” Navigator Pressley said, giving me a nervous look.

“Copy,” Joker said. “Senior Airman Dreigal, if you would kick it?”

“Yes sir,” Senior Airman Dreigal squeaked. She cleared her throat. “Um, we are approaching the Exodus relay,” she said intercom. “Secure all stations for transit. All stations for transit.”

There was a mad rush as people did their harnesses up. Nihlus, Kaidan and I sat down in the three guest seats on the bridge. Five minutes later we were hitting the mass relay at a speed that far exceeded the speed of light. A few seconds later we were through the relay. 

Joker slowed the ship down and did a systems check. “Drift just under fifteen hundred,” he finished triumphantly.

When a ship passed through a mass relay into a system, it never came out right in front of the relay. There was always some drift, usually amassing to hundreds of thousands of kilometres, depending on the ship’s speed and angle of entry to the mass relay. To have such a low drift was an almost unheard-of feat.

“Not bad,” Nihlus said indifferently as Senior Airman Dreigal gave the all clear. 

“Thank you, sir,” Joker simpered.

“Shepard, we’re due for a meeting with Commander Anderson,” Nihlus told me.

“Yes sir,” I said. “You go on ahead. I just need to do some stuff here.”

Nihlus nodded. Joker maintained the awful simper until he was out of earshot before saying to no one in particular, “I hate that guy.”

“I know what you mean,” Navigator Pressley said.

“You’re all fucking idiots,” I said impatiently. “I agree that there’s something going down and that it makes absolutely no sense for Nihlus to be aboard, but do you have to sing it from the fucking rooftops for all and sundry to hear?”

“See, even Major Shepard agrees,” Joker said.

“No, that’s not the point,” I said.

“I still think you’re wrong,” Kaidan said.

“He’s a turian,” a voice said from Navigator Pressley’s omnitool.

“Who the hell is that?” I asked.

“Lieutenant Adams,” Navigator Pressley said. Lieutenant Adams was the ship’s chief engineer. “He was taking part in the debate before you arrived. And he’s right. Fucking turians are always on a mission.” I scowled at him. “What?” he asked defensively. “I hate turians.”

“You and the rest of the Alliance,” Joker mumbled.

“Let me guess,” I said. “Some relative died in the First Contact War?” 

“My father,” Navigator Pressley said. “And my grandfather. And I fought in the reclaiming of Shanxi.”

“Right, some cheap advice,” I said. “Stop being a racist bastard. Not all turians are the same. Secondly, get back to work, we may have a mission coming up. And thirdly, and most importantly, I’ll try and find out from the commander exactly what the deal is here.”

“Aye ma’am,” Navigator Pressley said.

.....

When Kasuumi and I got to the conference room, we found Nihlus waiting for us.

“Commander Anderson won’t be a minute,” he told us.

“Ok,” I said. “Um, this is our operations chief, Kasuumi Dranne.”

“I’m a big fan, Chief,” Nihlus said, shaking her hand, his face expressionless.

“Uh, thanks,” Kasuumi said, looking concerned.

“I’ve heard a lot about Eden Prime,” Nihlus said to me. “What’s it like?”

I shrugged. “I’ve never been,” I said. “I heard it’s very beautiful though.”  
“It is,” Kasuumi said. “I’ve often holidayed in Aristone. They have the best hot springs there ever. And the beaches are amazing.”

“It’s quite close to salarian space though, isn’t it?” Nihlus said. “I’ve heard an argument could be made that it is actually in salarian space.”

“I suppose,” I said, confused. “Depends on which atlas you’re using. Besides, we tend to get on well with the salarians.”

“Also, we only recently finished one war,” Kasuumi added. “It’s unlikely the Alliance would be stupid enough to get into another one so soon, no less one with a Council race.”

Nihlus gave her a look, and she dropped her eyes to her feet. I didn’t have time to be even more confused before the door opened and Commander Anderson swept in. Kasuumi jumped to attention. I didn’t. His ego was big enough as it was.

“Ken, Dranne,” Commander Anderson said. “We’ve got a mission.”

“Already?” Kasuumi asked in surprise. “I thought we were in so-called peace time.”

“Yes already, Dranne, don’t interrupt me unless you want a foot up your arse,” Commander Anderson said impatiently. “It’s not a major mission and should be something that even Ken wouldn’t cock up, which is why he’ll be in command ground-side, and I’ll be up here doing something important.”

“Ok,” I said, getting more and more frustrated with the vagueness that everyone was displaying. “What’s the mission?”

“Retrieval,” Commander Anderson said.

“Ok, I’m going to have to stop you right there sir,” I said. “When you are talking to me, I need you to be as clear as possible. I never went to school, so I’m incapable of reading between the fucking lines. Give more exposition, damnit.”

Commander Anderson regarded me. “I would have Ken, if you didn’t just interrupt me,” he said. “As it is, you are now the second person in one minute to interrupt me, which means you know what comes next.”

“Oh, come on, how come Dranne didn’t have to?” I complained.

“I can never resist a pretty face,” Commander Anderson said.

I scowled and dropped down for fifty. “Whilst Ken is reminding me exactly why I miss being a trainer so much, maybe I should explain,” Commander Anderson said. “About two weeks ago, excavators in MacGyver on Eden Prime uncovered a prothean beacon.”

“Like the one we had on Mars?” I panted.

“Exactly,” Commander Anderson said. “Those things are a motherload of information. I mean, pretty much all our technology today is based on stuff we got from that beacon. There’s no knowing what we can get from this one.”

“So, what the mission is for us to pick the beacon up?” Kasuumi asked disbelievingly. “That’s it?”

“I wouldn’t quite say that, Dranne,” Commander Anderson said as I stood up. “The Council has specifically requested that we pick the beacon up. It’s important to them. That’s why Spectre Nihlus is here, to oversee the handling of this mission.” He saw Kasuumi and my expressions and sighed. “Look, I know it’s not an ideal first mission, but it is important. This is a good way for the Alliance to continue to remain in the Council’s good books. This beacon in the wrong hands could be dangerous.”

“So, what do you need from me?” Kasuumi asked.

“You’re the operation’s chief, aren’t you?” Commander Anderson asked impatiently. “What do you normally do when you get a mission?”

“Write the brief,” Kasuumi groaned. “When do you need it by?”

“It gets dark in MacGyver at around 0100 hours sol, so before then,” Commander Anderson said. “Speak to Greta for intel.” Greta was the ship’s communication officer.

“Aye Commander,” Kasuumi said, saluting. “Anything else?”

“That’s it,” Commander Anderson said. “Dismissed.”

Kasuumi saluted us and left. “What do you need from me?” I asked.

Commander Anderson looked at Nihlus. “I suppose now is as good a time as any,” he said. Nihlus shook his head, a turian nod.

“What is it?” I asked in alarm.

“There’s another reason Nihlus is here,” Commander Anderson said, his expression pained. “He’s here to assess you.”

“Which is why I’m forever tripping over him,” I said. A realisation hit me. “Wait, what’s he assessing me for?”

“I’ve put your name forward to the Spectres,” Nihlus said.

I laughed. “Right,” I said. “No you fucking didn’t. What are you really assessing me for?”

“He’s not joking, Ken,” Commander Anderson said gravely. “As much as it pains me to say this, you’ve been recommended to join the Spectres. He’s here to assess your suitability.” I found myself unable to speak. I think I’d gone into shock. “Personally I think the entire galaxy’s gone crazy if you are the one that people think will make the best first human Spectre, but there you are.” He considered me for a few more moments. “Why didn’t I think of using unexpected news earlier to get you to shut up?” he asked.

I found my voice. “Why the fuck am I being recommended as Spectre?” I asked.

“My thoughts exactly,” Commander Anderson mumbled.

“I mean, I’m not a terrible soldier, but there are others out there that are just as good, if not better,” I said, my voice trembling slightly. I indicated Commander Anderson with my head. “Heck, he’s a freaking legend.”

“Ken, shut the fuck up now,” Commander Anderson said. 

“Yes, there are a lot of excellent soldiers in the Alliance,” Nihlus said. “However, none have achieved what you have. I first heard of you when you were only two hundred and thirty eight galactic years old. You had managed to survive a thresher maw attack whilst the rest of your squad was slaughtered.” Trust a turian to say it like it was. “After that I kept a close eye on you. You have a remarkable will to live, Major. That is a useful trait, perhaps the most useful one a Spectre can have.”

“Yes, but, I,” I spluttered.

He almost smiled. “I need to tell the Council what my decision on your suitability for the Spectres in three solar weeks,” he said. “I’ll be observing you continuously until then.”

“So, no pressure, right?” I said. 

“Don’t-,” he began, but was interrupted by the conference room opening.

“We’re in a meeting, Greta,” Commander Anderson said without looking up.

Greta had thick curly auburn hair and large green eyes that, on this particular moment, were filled with concern. 

“I know sir, and I’m sorry to interrupt, but something’s come up,” Greta said worriedly.

“That’s what he said,” I mumbled.

“Ken, you’re trying to make a good impression,” Commander Anderson said. “What’s the trouble, Greta?”

“I was scanning the com buoys, more out of habit than anything,” Greta said.

“We’ve spoken about this Greta,” Commander Anderson said. “Straight to the point. I don’t want to hear about the trip to Foresters you made along the way.”

“Sorry sir,” Greta said. “Anyway, all the coms leaving the system are being blocked.”

“Basic protocol, Greta, the beacon is too important to allow an errant message to be picked up,” Commander Anderson said boredly. “Was that it?”

“No sir,” Greta said. “I picked something else up. It was unable to leave the systems because of the blocks, so it’s just sort of bouncing around between the buoys.” She went over to the terminal at the head of the conference table and pressed a few buttons.

There were a few hisses of static that were punctuated by loud bangs, and then a voice on the terminal, “This is MPP Company 20. We’re taking heavy fire on the-,” the audio cut out.

“Company 20 is the squad posted in MacGyver,” Greta said. “I’ve run all the tests. Those are real gunshots. I’ve also tried to get hold of Company 20, but the coms aren’t being answered.”

“Shit,” Commander Anderson muttered. He went to the wall and hit the emergency alarm. “All hands on deck,” he ordered into the intercom. “Emergency code alpha, repeat, code alpha. Stand by for further instructions.” He turned the intercom off, and turned to us. “Greta, get back to your station and set up channels. Ken, tell Alenko, Jenkins and De Valentino to suit up. You’ll be going groundside immediately.”

“What about Alesindro?” I asked. Gordon was Commander Anderson’s partner.

Commander Anderson shook his head. “You’re taking point on this one,” he said. He turned to Nihlus. “I assume you’ll be wanting to go aweigh too?”

“Of course,” Nihlus said. “I’ll go get ready.”

He left. Commander Anderson turned to glare at me. “Don’t fuck this up,” he said.

.....

“So, what do you reckon we’ll find down there?” Luco asked. We were in the shuttle, heading for the ground.

I shrugged. “No idea,” I said. “Someone with guns.”

“That’s helpful,” Kaidan said. 

Richard was practically bouncing with excitement. “A mission in my hometown with Major Shepard and a Spectre,” he whispered.

“You know Corporal, most sane people would be worried about the fact that their hometown is under attack,” Luco said.

“Ah, they’ll be fine,” Richard said. “We’ve got a Spectre on our side.” He kept on bouncing. “I’m so keyed up, I can’t wait for the mission to start.”

“Are you going to be like this whilst we on the ground or do I need to give you some of my anti-anxieties?” I asked. “I mean I don’t mind, I just think you need to calm the fuck down before you get one of us killed off.”

“Sorry ma’am,” Richard said. “I have ADHD.” I raised my eyebrows. “I’ll calm down,” he said hastily. “I don’t want to screw up just yet.”

“Sweet Jesus, you did not act like this during training exercises,” Kaidan mumbled.

“Someone’s been doing some heavy digging here, Commander,” our shuttle pilot, who had the awesomely hilarious name of Franz Fritzburgh, said. 

“Yeah, they’re building a train line from Victoria to Atlantis,” Richard said.

“Why have a train line when you can just as easily take a shuttle?” Kaidan asked. “It’s cheaper and quicker.”

Richard laughed. “You’ve never been to Eden Prime,” he said. “The scenery is the real tourist puller.”

Nihlus got up. “Drop me here,” he told Franz Fritzburgh. “We’ll meet at the beacon Major Shepard. I’ll circle around the site to make sure we don’t miss anything. Keep in radio contact.”

“You too,” I said. “Good luck.”

He shook his head. “Drop point one,” Franz Fritzburgh said. Nihlus opened the shuttle door and stepped out of it.

“So he’s here for the beacon then?” Kaidan asked, shutting the door.

“Partly,” I said.

“And partly what?” Luco asked.

“And partly to assess my suitability for Spectre.”

Kaidan fell off of his chair. Luco’s jaw dropped. The shuttle lurched. “Oh my god, you’re going to be the first human Spectre,” Richard said at top speed. “I knew it. After everything you went through on Akuze and during the Blitz, I knew you would become something great.”

“Jenkins,” Kaidan said quietly. “Stop talking. Now.”

“Yes sir,” Richard said.

“Um, approaching drop point two,” Franz Fritzburgh said uncomfortably.

I opened the shuttle door again, and waited until we were close enough to the ground for the landing not to be fatal, and leapt out. Luco followed, with Kaidan and Richard in close pursuit. 

Richard straightened up and looked around, his eyes wide. “Holy shit,” he whispered. “What the hell happened?”

We were standing on a hill above the town, which looked as if it was on fire. “A war zone doesn’t look as exciting as it sounds, does it Corporal?” Luco asked dryly.

“No sir,” Richard said faintly. “My family, my parents and my brother live down there.”

“Well, then let’s get a move on if we’re going to rescue them,” I said.

“Yes ma’am,” Richard said.

“Ready and able,” Kaidan added.

We made good time, reaching the city walls in less than five minutes. Whilst the mission itself was quite serious, I couldn’t help but marvel at the beauty of Eden Prime. MacGyver was inland, in a valley surrounded by rolling hills. “Ok, so the beacon’s supposed to be at the town hall,” I said in an undertone, when we’d reached the gates, which were strangely unguarded.

“That’s in the city centre,” Richard said softly. “Maybe fifteen minute walk.”

“Understood,” I said quietly. “Team Alpha come in,” I said in protha.

“Alpha here,” Nihlus said.

“We are on the ground, repeat, Team Baker is on the ground, over.”

“Copy, Baker,” Nihlus said. “All quiet so far. I’ll keep you posted.”

“Copy,” I said. “Baker out.” I turned to the others. “Let’s go.”

We’d barely walked five paces when there was a loud crack. Richard collapsed. “Take cover,” I bellowed, pushing Kaidan back against the wall. Luco pressed himself backwards against the wall, his eyes wide.

“I think the shot came from above us,” I whispered. “Wait here.”

“Jane, what-?” Kaidan hissed.

I stepped out into the open and waited. There was a slight pause, and then the sniper stepped up to the edge of the wall. I raised my rifle and fired. The shooter fell backwards off the wall.

Kaidan and I rushed to Richard’s side, but it was immediately clear there was nothing we could do. It was with a strange sense of déjà vu that I said, “Corporal Jenkins is down. I repeat Corporal Jenkins is down. Check who the shooter was,” I added to Luco.

“Understood, Baker,” Commander Anderson said in a low voice.

“Major,” Luco called, his voice sounding distinctly panicked.

“Shut up,” I hissed, going over to him. “What is it?”

“Look,” Luco said, pointing at the body.

I stared at the body in utter amazement. It was not human, or anything organic, although it certainly had organic features, like arms and legs. Its body was made of a hard metal, with a hole in the chest area where I had shot it, through which wires were visible. It had no face. Instead, the top of its neck ended in a strange flashlight-type thing.

“What the fuck is that?” Kaidan asked.

“It’s a geth,” I said in amazement. “Alpha, come in.”

“Alpha here,” Nihlus said.

“The enemy is geth,” I said. “I repeat, the enemy is geth.”

“I know,” Nihlus said. “I just encountered some.”

“And you couldn’t think to tell me this?” I asked in amazement.

“What was that?” Nihlus asked politely.

“Never mind,” I mumbled. “Have you told the ship?”

“Just finished that,” Nihlus said.

“Roger,” I said. “Baker out. Come on,” I added to the others. “De Valentino pair up with Alenko. I’ll go it alone.”

Luco nodded and moved to Kaidan’s side. We moved quickly enough through the town, occasionally encountering squadrons of geth. It was strange fighting machines. They didn’t make any noise whatsoever. They didn’t breathe, they didn’t speak, they moved in perfect synchronicity, so when one was felled, there was another to cover the gap left.

“What the hell is going on over here?” Luco asked when we’d taken out one group. “And where is everyone?”

“I don’t know,” I said in a low voice, my eye on the map on my omnitool. “We’re almost there.”

We walked down to the end of the street and came out into the town square. The war memorial stood in the centre and on the far side was the town hall.

“Where’s the beacon?” I asked.

“Maybe it’s been moved?” Kaidan suggested. “By the geth or one of the soldiers posted here?”

“Maybe,” I said. “Nihlus, the beacon isn’t here.”

“Where is it?” he asked.

“I left my crystal ball at home,” I said.

“What?” he asked.

I sighed impatiently. “I don’t know,” I said. “I-,” there was the sound of running feet coming from the other side of the square. “I’ll get back to you,” I said.

A young woman dressed in blue Alliance combat armour ran into the square. She was tall, with wavy blonde hair, dark brown eyes and tanned skin.

“Ash?” I asked in amazement. She looked worse for wear, her face exhausted and bruised, and her hair was singed. 

She barrelled straight past us. “They’re coming,” she screamed at me as she ran past.

A large group of geth appeared behind her. Kaidan raised his right hand and the geth flew upwards. He swiftly lowered his hand again and the geth were flung back onto the ground. “It’s ok, they’re dead,” Kaidan said turning to Ash. “Are you ok?”

“Kaidan,” Ash whispered and burst into tears.

“Hey, it’s ok,” Kaidan said gently, pulling her into his arms.

“What happened, Ash,” I said. “Are you ok?”

“Ja, I’m fine,” Ash sobbed. She pulled me towards her, so that I was suddenly part of a really awkward group hug. “What are you to doing here?”

“We were sent here to pick up the beacon,” I said. “We caught a distress call coming from the planet.”

“That was us,” Ash said. She pulled out of the hug and wiped her face.

“When did the geth get here?” I asked.

“About five hours ago, I think,” Ash said. “We tried holding them off, but I think I’m the only one left. Of my squad, I mean. Drop ships have been raining geth onto the town.”

“Oh Ash,” I said, giving her a hug. “I’m sorry.”

“Where’s the beacon though?” Kaidan asked.

“When the geth hit, we moved it to the space port,” Ash said. “There’s a tram five minutes from here that can take right there. I-hopefully the beacon’s still there, but, I don’t know. Why did this even happen? What do geth want with a prothean beacon? They’re just machines.”

“I don’t know,” I said heavily. I touched my omnitool. “Alpha, come in.”

“Alpha here,” he said.

“The beacon has been moved to the spaceport,” I said. “There’s a tram line at-what are the coordinates of the tram stop?”

Kaidan pressed a few buttons on his omnitool. “Um, S-two three point nine-er, E-five six point seven,” he said.

“Did you get that?” I asked.

“Affirmative,” Nihlus said. “I’m close to that. I’ll meet you there.”

“Acknowledged,” I said. “Baker out.” I turned to Ash. “You should come with us,” I said. “I don’t want you hiding out here and being found.”

She rolled her eyes. “Of course I’m coming with you, Janey,” she said with a touch of her old manner.

“De Valentino, this is my BFF, Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams,” I said. “Ash, this is my partner, Gunnery Chief-,”

“Yeah, I remember him,” Ash said. She had had a crush on him when we’d been in training until she found out he had a boyfriend. “Who were you talking to earlier?”

“A Spectre by the name of Nihlus,” I said. “Come on. Pair up with Kaidan. De Valentino, back with me.”

We started off. “Nice armour, by the way,” Ash added, nodding at my shiny new black and red N7 armour. “You’re commanding this operation?”

“Yup,” I said tiredly. “We lost one of our squad by the walls.”

“I’m sorry,” Ash said.

I shrugged. “It could’ve been worse,” I said. “Where are all the civilians?”

“Don’t know,” Ash said. “The geth hit the sensors, so we were taken by surprise. We rounded up as many as we could, but then they attacked our squad. I was the only one that got away. I’ve been running ever since.” She visibly pulled herself together. “So, Nihlus is a turian name, isn’t it?”

I sighed. Ash’s only flaw was that she was incredibly racist. “And?” I asked.

“Well, what’s a turian Spectre doing on a human colony?”

“He’s assessing Jane,” Kaidan said.

“For what, mental disturbance?” Ash asked.

“Oh, ha ha,” I said sarcastically.

“She’s been nominated as a Spectre candidate,” Kaidan said.

Ash’s mouth dropped open. “You’re joking,” she said.

“If only,” I mumbled. “The geth have been here for five hours, and have been rounding people up. Does anybody else see anything wrong with this picture?”

“I can see a number of things wrong with this picture, including the fact that synthetics that have been in hiding for four hundred years have suddenly shown up on one of our colo-,” Kaidan began.

“No bodies,” I interrupted. “Ash said her squad was taken out and I’m sure a few people would’ve fought. Where are the bodies? We haven’t seen a single one apart from Jenkins’.”

“You’re right,” Luco said. “We should have seen a few at the very least. I’m not hearing any sounds of fighting either.”

At that moment, a gunshot rent the silence. “Well, there’s that one,” I said.

“That’s the direction of the tram station,” Ash murmured. 

“How far are we?” I asked.

“Just down this road,” Ash said.

“Ok, double time,” I ordered.

We ran down the road, and came out in a skycar lot, across from which the tram station was. A tall turian figure was walking towards it, a group of humans walking around him.

“Nihlus,” I called.

The turian turned, and I squinted across at him. A faint flicker of recognition flitted across his face. My mouth opened to call at him again, when I realised the turian wasn’t Nihlus. I did know him though, but before I could process this, one of the humans threw something towards us.

“Get back,” I bellowed.

The grenade fell short of us, but the blast still knocked us off our feet. I twisted in the air and landed hard on my front. “Oh Jesus, I don’t want to be an N7 anymore,” I groaned. “Is everyone ok?”

“Still alive if that’s what you mean,” Kaidan mumbled.

“Fine,” Luco said shortly.

My chest plate had cracked down the centre and I ripped it off and tossed it aside. “Ash?” I asked.

Ash sprang to her feet. “Papa,” she screamed.

“What?” Kaidan asked.

“Papa,” she screamed again. “Jane, they had my father with them.”

“Ash, they can’t have,” I said slowly. “He died, remember? He was on the Hugo Greyson. None of the crew was found.”

“It was him, Jane, I know it,” Ash said desperately.

“Ash, get a grip,” I said firmly. “The people on this planet come from the same stock as Commander Pieterse did. It’s possible you just saw someone that looked like him.”

“I-,” Ash began.

“It’s ok,” I said, trying for soothing. “You’ve had a shock. I know what that’s like.”

“It looked like him,” Ash said. “I thought it was him.”

Luco had moved away from us. Now he came running back. “Ma’am,” he gasped.

I closed my eyes and counted to ten. “What is it now?” I asked, trying to put some patience and understanding into my voice.

“It’s Nihlus,” he said.

“Is he ok?” I asked, running after him to the centre of the skycar lot, Ash and Kaidan in close pursuit.

Nihlus was lying on his back. “Was he killed in the explosion?” Luco asked.

I bent down and examined Nihlus. “Hardly,” I said. “He’s been shot in the head.” I frowned. “Look at how his plate’s cracked over here,” I said, indicating the plate on his forehead. “Look at how the cracks are radiating out? He was shot at point blank range.”

There was a loud clink that came from behind one of the cars. “Who’s there?” I called, raising my rifle. The others moved to stand behind me. “Show yourself.”

“Don’t shoot,” a voice called in English. “I’m unarmed.”

“Step out from behind the car,” I called. “Slowly.”

A short, balding man with a bad sunburn stepped out from behind the car. “You’re human,” he gasped. “Thank god.” He staggered, and a caught him and sat him down against the car.

“What are you doing behind the car?” Kaidan asked.

“Hiding,” the man said. He was sweating and shivering.

“Duh,” I mumbled. Kaidan scowled at me.

“Are you hurt?” I asked. He shook his head. “Can you tell me your name?”

“Jake Dawson,” the man said.

“Ok, Jake,” I said. “My name is Major Jane Shepard. I’m with the Alliance military. Can you tell me what happened here?”

“When those machines landed, I was fetching something from my car,” the man said nervously. “I work out on the fields. Anyway, when the geth landed, I hid in my car. I was just getting out to see if I could raise the alarm somehow, when that turian arrived. I hid behind the car. I don’t think he saw me.”

“Uh huh,” I said. “Can you tell me what happened to him?”

Jake took a deep breath. “He seemed to be waiting for someone,” he said. “Then that other turian showed up. The first turian relaxed. It seemed that he knew the turian very well. They spoke for a few minutes, then the second turian shot…he shot him right in the head.”

He broke down then. I patted his hand awkwardly as he sobbed. “I’m sorry,” he gulped, rubbing his eyes.

“It’s ok,” I said. “You’ve been through an ordeal. Were those people with the second turian when he got here?”

“No, the machines brought them along later,” Jake said. “There was something weird about those humans though.”

“How do you mean?” I asked. 

“They weren’t really human,” Jake said. “They had these weird wires poking out of their chests and their heads. And it looked like they had wires implanted into their skin.”

“Kaidan, call the shuttle in to pick him up,” I said. I patted Jake’s hand again. “You’ll be ok,” I said. “We’ll take you to one of the other towns where you’ll get help.”

“Thanks,” Jake said.

“Hide in the car until the shuttle arrives,” I said. “We need to get to the spaceport.”

We had just gotten into the tram station when there was a loud tonal sound off in the distance. “What the hell was that?” Ash asked in alarm. 

“There,” Kaidan said, pointing. 

It appeared to be a dreadnought, but like no dreadnought I had ever seen. For one thing, it was well over a kilometre long, maybe even two kilometres long. For another thing, it seemed almost to resemble a giant crayfish. There was something almost living about it, and something completely alien.

“What kind of ship is that?” Luco asked in awe.

“I have no idea,” I said. I watched as it flew upwards and out of sight. “We should go.”

.....

Kaidan seemed to figure out how to drive the tram easily enough. The spaceport was one of those tiny spaceports that could maybe accommodate two or three ships if they were small and didn’t mind scraping their paintjobs against the other ships in the port as they landed. At that particular moment however, the spaceport was completely deserted. The beacon stood in the middle of the runway. It was long, towering maybe fifteen feet up, and had weird green lights running up and down it.

“So, the thing that holds the secrets of the universe is a Christmas tree?” I asked. “Call the ship in, Kaidan.”

“Why can’t you do it yourself?” Kaidan asked.

“Because I’m the commanding officer here and therefore have the great pleasure of being able to boss you around,” I said.

Kaidan sighed. “Normandy, come in,” he said.

“You ok?” I asked Ash. She shook her head. “I know what it’s like,” I said. “I’ll help you through this.”

“Normandy’s on its way,” Kaidan said.

“Ok,” I said. “Stay with Ash. I’ll go check the beacon out.”

The beacon was making a low humming sound. The lights on it flickered as I approached it, almost as though it was welcoming me. It was then that realised how tired I was. The mission had, for all intents and purposes been a complete fuck up. A Spectre was dead, and I had lost someone under my direct command. To cap it all, my best friend seemed to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

I yawned widely. The beacon almost seemed to warm up next to me, as if in sympathy. I was finding it harder and harder to focus my thinking, and was alarmed to realise I was feeling dizzy.

“You ok, Jane?” Kaidan called, obviously seeing that I wasn’t steady on my feet.

At that moment, I collapsed.

.....

I came to in bed, with the sense that I had been asleep for a long time. It took me a while to realise that I was actually awake, and that I wasn’t still dreaming.

“So, you’re awake?” a voice asked, as I sat up and looked around. I was in the ship’s med bay, and the person who had spoken was the ship’s doctor, Dr Karen Chakwas, an older woman with grey hair and a severe face. Next to my bed sat Kaidan, who looked exhausted.

“How do you feel?” Dr Chakwas asked crisply.

“With my hands,” I mumbled, putting a hand to my forehead. “My head hurts like a mofo. How long was I out?”

“About fourteen hours,” Dr Chakwas said.

“Fourteen hours?” I exclaimed.

“Yeah, you collapsed at the beacon,” Kaidan said, yawning widely. “Ash then completely freaked out and totally had a panic attack. De Valentino and I had to carry you two to the ship.”

“Ash’s here?” I asked.

Kaidan nodded. “She saw Dr Boysen as soon as she got here,” he said. Dr Boysen was the ship psychologist. “She’s doing much better now.”

“Good,” I said. I rubbed my forehead, which was still pounding.

“Were you dreaming?” Dr Chakwas asked casually.

“Huh?” I asked in confusion. 

“You were babbling non-stop, you would go from completely limp to rigid, and there seemed to be an increase in your rapid eye movement,” Dr Chakwas said.

I frowned, trying to remember. “They were sort of like visions,” I said slowly. “Something to do with…someone was dying. A whole bunch of people. I can’t really remember…what was I saying?”

“You weren’t speaking any language I know,” Dr Chakwas said.

“None of the Council languages,” Kaidan agreed.

I tried harder to remember. It wasn’t like normal dreams, which I tended to forget as soon as I woke up, unless I’d had a nightmare. I did remember seeing things. It was more like my brain was unable to understand what I had seen. At that moment I remembered something else.

“I need to see Commander Anderson,” I said, swinging my legs out of bed.

“Shepard, I haven’t determined whether you’re fit or not,” Dr Chakwas protested.

“I’m fine,” I said. “Just write a report.”

I stood up, and nearly sat down again. My head spun and my ears were ringing. “Are you sure you’re fine?” she asked.

“Completely,” I said weakly. “This is just normal behaviour for me. Tell her Kaidan.”

“Um,” Kaidan said.

“You haven’t eaten in fourteen hours,” Dr Chakwas said. “Probably more actually, since you didn’t eat before the mission.”

“So, what the hell are you waiting for?” I asked. “Give me some food, stat. I need to speak to the Commander urgently. It’s a matter of galactic safety.” I stood up again. “Actually, never mind,” I said. “What time’s the next meal?”

“Supper’s in an hour’s time,” Kaidan said.

“Excellent,” I said. “Kaidan, let’s roll.”

We left the med bay. “I’d probably put on clothes before going to the CIC,” Kaidan suggested in a low voice. I was dressed in my panty and a T-shirt.

“Good idea,” I said, changing direction towards my cabin. “You really are far smarter than me.”

“Uh huh,” Kaidan said in a worried voice. “Are you feeling ok?”

“Absolutely spiffing, old boy,” I said. “Thanks for helping me.”

“Any time,” Kaidan said. “You gave us quite a scare.”

I dressed and together we went up to the CIC. “Commander,” I said from behind Commander Anderson.

He turned. “So, you’ve finally stopped gibbering around the floor like a little baby, have you?” he asked. He glanced at Kaidan. “Are you ready to start doing your duty to the Alliance, Alenko, or do I actually have to court martial you?”

“Yes sir, I’m ready,” Kaidan said.

“Well, then get to work,” Commander Anderson said. “Check all the terminals for viruses.”

“Sir,” Kaidan said.

“You, come with me,” Commander Anderson added, glaring at me. Now I’m for it, I thought, as he led the way to the conference room.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, shutting the door behind us.

“Fine,” I shrugged. “Headache.”

“What the hell happened down there, Ken?” Commander Anderson asked. “Alenko, Williams and De Valentino all say you collapsed. Why?”

“I don’t know sir,” I said. “It’s never happened to me before. I-,” I hesitated. “I think it had something to do with the beacon.”

“Or you’ve just finally gone bat-shit crazy,” Commander Anderson countered. “I’m surprised it didn’t happen sooner. You’re not the strongest of wills.”

“I don’t think psychosis works quite like that sir,” I said.

He sighed. “What makes you think it had something to do with the beacon?” he asked tiredly.

“I don’t know,” I said. “Just before I collapsed, the beacon glowed. It almost felt as though it was welcoming me or something.”

“Yup, you’ve gone bat-shit crazy,” Commander Anderson said.

“Well, where is the beacon now?” I asked. “Why doesn’t someone try touching it and see what happens?”

“The beacon exploded after you collapsed,” Commander Anderson said impatiently. “Alenko reckons it was a system overload, but I think it’s probably because you tend to destroy everything you touch.”

“Do you have anything useful to say, or are you just going to hurl abuse at me?” I snapped.

He glared at me. “I have hit lesser men for talking to me like that,” he said angrily. I stared defiantly at him, and he sighed. “What about Nihlus?” he asked.

I shrugged. “The worker we found said he’d known the turian that shot him,” I said. I hesitated. “I think it was Saren Arterus,” I said slowly. “You know, the Spectre that visited Del Sol in seventy eight?”

“I know who he is, Ken,” Commander Anderson said coldly. “What makes you think it was him?”

“I saw his face,” I explained. “It was only for a few seconds, but I remembered him.”

Commander Anderson considered me for a few seconds. “Can you say, without any doubt, that it was him?” he asked.

“I-,” I hesitated. “Not without any doubt, no, but I’m pretty sure it was him.”

There was a pause. “Ok, I’ll let the ambassador know,” Commander Anderson said, sounding unconvinced. He scowled. “There’s an enquiry with the Citadel. A Spectre died on one of our worlds. They want to know what’s going on. Although, they’ll probably want to know that another Spectre was involved.”

“Great,” I mumbled. “Just what I need.”

“So, how do you feel about Jenkins’ death?” he asked.

I shrugged. “You know,” I said.

“No, I don’t Ken, don’t deflect.”

I sighed. “I’m pissed off, obviously, but-,” I paused. “I don’t know, I think I’ve lost so many men in the past that this is just one more to add to the list.”

There seemed to be a trace of sadness on Commander Anderson’s face. “Go eat some supper, boy,” he said. “I expect your report on my desk by midnight sol.”

“Yes sir,” I said, saluting.

He nodded. “Dismissed,” he said.

.....

A hush fell in the mess when I walked in for supper. “For the love of God,” I mumbled. I cleared my throat. “Ladies and gentlemen, to dispel any rumours: yes I am still alive, no I am not crazy (at least no more crazy than normal), and yes I am still generally badass and cool,” I announced loudly. “Please send monetary donations to a charity of choice, and chocolate donations to my cabin. Thank you.”

I went to the cook and picked up my tray, which consisted of the same measly portions of smash, bully, dried fruit, tea and jelly. “I was unconscious for fourteen hours,” I said. “You couldn’t prepare a slightly better meal for me?”

“You don’t like the food I give you?” he asked. “You go without.”

“Jesus, you’re touchy,” I mumbled. 

“So would you be if your work was continuously insulted,” he snapped.

“Your work?” I asked incredulously. “You heat this shit up. It’s not as if you’re cooking it yourself.”

He glared at me, and I beat a hasty retreat. Ash and Kaidan had kindly left a seat open between the two of them, which I gratefully took.

“How’re you doing?” I asked Ash after saying a quick grace.

“Ok,” she said, although she still looked shaken. “Better than I was. I’m afraid I lost it somewhat after you collapsed.”

“That’s understandable,” I said, nodding. “You went through a lot. Was there any sign of your squad?”

She shook her head. “The entire town is missing,” she said. “No bodies, just…gone.”

“Does anyone know what happened to them?” I asked.

“No, all cameras were disabled when the geth landed,” Kasuumi said from across the table.

I frowned, absently scratching the table with my knife. “None of this makes sense,” I said. “I think it was Saren, that turian Spectre that visited Del Sol when we were grunts, who killed Nihlus. But why would he be working with geth?”

“And what did he want with that beacon?” Kaidan asked. We all stared at him. “He got onto the tram, which went to the spaceport. A few minutes later that ship left from that area. It’s only logical they were after the beacon.”

“Logical?” I asked in amazement. “I thought biotics didn’t do logical.”

“If X then Y Jane, and don’t be a bitch,” Kaidan said impatiently.

“Moi?” I asked in scandalised tones.

“Kaidan’s right though, that is the only logical conclusion,” Ash said. “Kaidan says you reckon the beacon implanted a vision in your brain?”

“You know, the same thing happened to me first time I took red sand,” Zaeed said thoughtfully. We all ignored him.

“Yeah,” I said. “So, it’s possible the same thing happened to Saren. He probably doesn’t understand what he saw.”

“But he must have had some idea of what he would see,” Zaeed said, frowning. “Most people don’t ally with synthetics, attack random planets, kidnap the residents, kill off friends and touch beacons for kicks. I mean, I might if I was paid enough, but I never claimed to be normal.”

“He’s right,” Luco said.

“But even the Council didn’t even know what was in the beacon,” Kasuumi said. “I mean, not that I could find in the intel. And since no one had examined the beacon when it was uncovered, they were probably telling the truth.”

I frowned. “Well, hopefully the Council will believe us and arrest Saren,” I said without much conviction. I ate the last of my jelly. “I should go,” I said, standing up. “I need to write my report. Dranne, have you forwarded the others’ reports to me?”

“Yup,” Kasuumi said. “Have fun wading through them. You need to send me yours before I can write the full operations report.”

“You got it,” I said. I picked my tray up, and noticed strange markings scratched into the table. I bent closer. It appeared to be the same mark scratched in over and over, a long diagonal line with two smaller, horizontal lines intersecting it. I looked at the knife that was still in my hand and realised that I had been the one to draw them.

.....

I wasn’t tired when I’d finished my reports, so I decided to join Kaidan, who was on night watch. Ash was sitting next to Kaidan, who appeared to be doing some mid-air juggling with biotics and tennis balls. “I remember when you used to struggle to move a bullet across the room,” I said, sitting down with them.

“Yeah, I gots mad skills girl,” Kaidan said. “Also practice makes perfect.”

I snorted. “So, what’s going to happen to you now, Ash?” I asked.

She shrugged. “Anderson’s appealing to the Joint Military Council, again, to have me downgraded to serve on this ship,” she said. “Who knows, maybe they’ll even do it this time. I’d be the first Williams since my grandfather to serve with the fleet,”

“I hope so,” I said. “It’d be great if you could serve with us. It’d be just like old times. You know, the three of us up against an unknown enemy that wants to kill random people for reasons unknown.” I sighed. “I miss training,” I said.

“You’re the only one,” Kaidan laughed.

“So, how’s married life treating you?” I asked.

Ash shrugged. “It’s tough, you know,” she said. “It’s hard keeping the long-distance thing going.”

“I hear that,” I said, looking meaningfully at Kaidan.

“Oh, shut up, Jane,” Kaidan said irritably. “You’ve already made your position on this more than clear.”

“But that’s not all,” Ash continued, ignoring us (she knew me well). “It’s also this thing of…there’s shit that goes down when you’re out on a tour that you don’t really want to talk about. Like, I’m sure Adam will find out about Eden Prime at some point, but I doubt I’ll ever talk to him about...about what happened. I don’t know if you understand what I mean.”

“Yeah, I understand,” Kaidan said. “I didn’t talk to Lisa about the Blitz, even though she knows I was on the ground.”

I shrugged. “I guess,” I said. “I last dated a civilian, I mean someone, when I was in basic, but I sure as hell didn’t want to tell him about what happened there.”

“Exactly,” Ash said. “Ah well, another year, then I’m on sabbatical.”

“Will you come back again?” I asked. “To the army I mean?”

“Fuck no,” Ash said. “I’m done with military life.”

“What’ll you do?” Kaidan asked, putting the tennis balls down.

She shrugged. “Go back into dancing maybe,” she said. “I’m lank out of practice, but it’s what I enjoy doing.”

“Ah, so dancing is the latest on your list of ambitions,” I remarked, nodding. “Moved on from dog training, have we?”

“Shut up,” Ash said. “What will you do after your sabbatical?”

“I can’t shut up and answer that question at the same time,” I said.

“Jane,” Ash said, a pained look on her face.

“I don’t know,” I said, shrugging. “I can’t imagine any life outside of the army, to be honest, but I don’t know.”

“You, Kay?” Ash asked.

“I’ve been thinking of doing something for Jump Zero, or something like that,” he said. Jump Zero was a school for biotics. “Biotics rarely make it as far as I have. I’d like to give others the opportunities that I’ve had.”

“It’s a shame Nihlus died though,” I said thoughtfully. “I would have liked to have become a Spectre. I’ve even been practicing some catchphrases. What do you guys think of: you’ve been taken out by someone half your size? How do you feel?”

“Uh,” Ash said. “Anyone else would be concerned that that beacon drove you crazy, but I happen to know that this behaviour is normal for you.”

Joker walked past from the cockpit, probably on his way to bed. “Ladies,” he said scowling at us.

“Cheerful bugger,” Kaidan remarked when he was out of earshot.

“Why’s he called Joker though?” Ash asked. “He’s not exactly the funniest guy ever.”

“Didn’t you know?” I asked, stretching. “He puts face paint out and goes around scaring kids in his spare time.”

.....

We arrived at the Citadel three days later. I called all the staff that had been given permission to go on shore leave into the conference room. “Alright, I’m standing on this chair because I am worried that none of you will be able to see me otherwise,” I said. 

“Speak up,” a heckler called from the back of the room.

“Don’t make me get down from here, jack ass,” I said. “Anyway, I called y’all here because Alenko, De Valentino, Williams and I are being forced to hold the Council’s hand through a challenging court case. Therefore, on our behalf, please, tear some shit up. Get pissed, and be as irresponsible as possible. We all wish we could be there with you.”

As soon as we landed, Kaidan, Ash, Luco and I were taken to the human embassy on the Presidium. “You look terrible,” Ambassador Udina said to me by way of greeting.

“You’re no looker either, yet you don’t see me going on about it,” I said. He was right though. I had not been sleeping well, my nights being punctuated by more visions that I could only assume were from the beacon, but that I could not understand or remember when I woke up.

“So, the case has been filed with C-Sec and they have assigned two officers: Sergeant Garrus Vakarian and Officer Marcel Harkin,” Ambassador Udina said, scowling at me. “You need to see them as soon as possible.”

“Where will they be?” Commander Anderson asked.

“At the C-Sec Academy on Shalta Ward,” Ambassador Udina said. “You’ll all probably all be happy to hear that Saren was apparently in an unspecified place when you were all on Eden Prime.”

“That doesn’t prove anything,” I pointed out. “Well, except the fact that he’s a slacker and didn’t tell the Council where he was going.”

“Yes, I see what Admiral Mikhailovich meant about you,” Ambassador Udina said, giving me a hard look. “Yes, we know that the evidence we have against Saren is circumstantial at best. You, however, are certain that it’s him?”

“Yes,” I said. “Kinda.”

“That’s no use, Shepard,” Ambassador Udina said.

“Look, I’m doing the best I can,” I snapped. “I’m not a bloody miracle worker.”

“You’d better not bring this attitude to the Council, you’ve already done enough to jeopardise you Spectre candidacy,” Ambassador Udina said.

“That’s not fair, Ambassador,” Commander Anderson said. “Ken did his best out there. He was trying to save the town.”

“Thank you,” I said, smiling sweetly. 

“Of course, his best is usually not good enough,” Commander Anderson continued. “Frankly, I’m surprised he got as many squadmates out alive as he did.”

“Thanks,” I scowled.

“Just telling the truth, Ken,” Commander Anderson said. “Come on, I’m sure the Ambassador has other lives to ruin.”

“Try not to ruin our reputation too much, Major,” Ambassador Udina called after us. 

“I tend to do that by breathing, sir,” I called back.

“You stole my line there, Shepard,” Commander Anderson said as we walked off.

“That’s unfortunate for you, sir,” I said.

“Udina though,” Kaidan said, shaking his head. “What a douche.”

“What do you expect from politicians?” Luco asked.

.....

The C-Sec Academy was the tallest building on Shalta Ward. It was the main C-Sec base on the Citadel, as well as the Citadel’s only prison facility.

“We’re here to see Officers Garrus Vakarian and Marcel Harkin,” I told the clerk at the front desk.

“Hold on just one second,” the clerk said. 

“Ken, you’ll be able to handle this, right?” Commander Anderson asked. “I have a sudden urge to go out and get rat-faced.”

“Don’t you need to give testimony?” I asked.

“Testimony for what?” Commander Anderson asked. “All I have on what happened are your reports, radio conversations and vids from your suit cameras, and the investigating officers can just as easily look at those as listen to me. Call if you need anything.”

He swept out.

“So, now what?” Ash asked.

“Now I’m in charge,” I said. “Maggots.”

At that moment Officers Vakarian and Harkin came into the reception area. Sergeant Vakarian and I had encountered each other previously, when I’d been a junior recruit at Del Sol. He’d accompanied Saren on his trip to Earth, and we had ended up being forced into an armed stand-off against some clay pigeons, where he had beat my ass. He was short for a turian (about six foot two), and had blue face paint, which indicated that he had been the turian equivalent of a major before he’d joined C-Sec. Officer Harkin was a shorter human man that had the classic red nose and bloodshot eyes of an impoverished clown or an alcoholic.

“Major Shepard, I presume,” Sergeant Vakarian said in English. He clearly didn’t remember me. Either that or he was pretending.

“Yes,” I said.

“I’m Sergeant Garrus Vakarian,” he said. “Harkin and I are in charge of the investigation against Spectre Saren Arterus. I assume these are your men.”

“Uh, yeah,” I said. “May I present Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams and Gunnery Chief Luco De Valentino? They were with me on Eden Prime and are willing to give testimony on what happened on Eden Prime.”

“Good to meet you,” Sergeant Vakarian said, shaking each of their hands in turn.

“We’ve met,” Kaidan said.

“Have we?” Sergeant Vakarian said, looking mildly interested. “If you’ll follow me?”

He led us into the elevator. “So, what, it’s traditional to get as drunk as possible and stare at naked women?” he asked Harkin.

“I’m telling you, Garrus, it’s the best day of a man’s life,” Officer Harkin answered. “Better yet, you have your fiancée’s permission.”

“But that doesn’t make sense,” Sergeant Vakarian said in mild confusion. “You’re about to enter a contract of fidelity. Why tempt yourself?”

“That’s the best part,” Officer Harkin said enthusiastically.

“Pardon me,” I said. “What are you talking about?”

“Harkin was explaining the ritual that human males perform before they get married,” Sergeant Vakarian explained.

“Bachelor parties,” Officer Harkin said.

“Yeah, those,” Sergeant Vakarian said. “Fascinating really.”

“I threatened to beat my husband up if he went to a strip club,” Ash said.

Officer Harkin coughed something that sounded suspiciously like ‘ball buster’. Ash glared at him.

The others were taken to a waiting room and told to wait (obviously), whilst I was taken to an interrogation room. My interview lasted approximately three hours, where I had to explain, in minute detail, everything that transpired on Eden Prime. After this, I had to answer questions that looked, in minute detail, at everything that transpired on Eden Prime. It was all rather monotonous.

At one point, Officer Harkin asked, “What do you know of Commander David Anderson’s relationship with Saren Arterus?”

“I didn’t know there was one,” I said in surprise.

“Really?” Officer Harkin asked. “So, you didn’t know that twenty solar years ago he was nominated to be a Spectre, and that Saren Arterus was the Spectre who was assessing him?”

“No,” I said, more and more surprised. “What happened?”

“He fucked up,” Officer Harkin said. “Obviously.”

“We’re getting off track,” Sergeant Vakarian said. “What makes you so sure that the turian you saw on Eden Prime was Saren Arterus?”

“I’ve seen him before,” I said. “In 2178 sol he came to Del Sol Academy on Earth to examine our training. I was one of the recruits that escorted him.”

“I remember,” Sergeant Vakarian said.

“You do?” I asked in surprise. My face was getting sore from pulling the same expression time and again.

“Yes,” Sergeant Vakarian said. “You nearly beat me on the clay pigeon run.”

“I did,” I said. “I’m just surprised you remembered me at all.”

“Now who’s getting off track?” Officer Harkin asked.

Sergeant Vakarian scrolled down on the datapad he had in front of him. “It says in your report that the prothean beacon implanted some sort of vision in your brain,” he said. There was no change in his facial expression, but something told me that he was amused. “Would you like to tell us more on that?”

“I can’t make any sense of them, but I think it’s the same vision every time,” I said.

“You think?” Officer Harkin asked.

“I can’t remember them exactly,” I said. “They’re just a jumble of images. From what I can work out-,” I hesitated. “They show death. Not just one or two though. It feels like a genocide.”

“The protheans died fifty thousand years ago,” Sergeant Vakarian said. “It’s a prothean beacon. Maybe the visions show that.”

“Maybe,” I said. “That’s not all though. It feels almost like a message, like the visions are trying to tell me something.”

“Interesting,” Sergeant Vakarian murmured.

“Oh come on, Garrus, this is bullshit,” Officer Harkin said in a stage whisper. “She’s got PTSD and is having nightmares. That’s it.”

“We’re nearly finished, Major,” Sergeant Vakarian said, throwing Officer Harkin a look. He extracted a datapad from the pile in front of him. “This has five pages with groups of six turians on it. I want you to identify which one is the turian you saw on Eden Prime.”

I pulled the datapad towards me. “Let’s hope what they say about your people isn’t true,” I said.

“Pardon?” Sergeant Vakarian asked politely.

“That you all look…never mind,” I said.

I opened the first page and looked at the turians. The turian I’d seen on Eden Prime had had a very long head fringe and mandibles, and his facial paint had been silver. All the turians on this page had those features, and I could feel a bead of sweat running down the side of my face.

“This one,” I said at last.

“Are you sure?” Officer Harkin asked.

I hesitated. “Yes,” I said with more confidence than I felt.

I went through the other four pages. “Well, I think that’s it,” Sergeant Vakarian said. “Unless you have any more questions, Harkin.”

“Naw, I’m good,” Officer Harkin said. “For obvious reasons, you can’t return to the waiting room. We’ll call you if we have any more questions.”

“Right,” I said. “Thanks.”

.....

I took a cab to Commander Anderson’s apartment on the Presidium. “When did you get a key, Ken?” he called from the living room.

“You gave me one, remember?” I asked, going in. He was watching something on TV. “After your divorce.”

“Oh yeah,” he said vaguely. “I got drunk a lot during that time. That’s probably how I made that mistake.”

“Yep,” I said. “Wait what?”  
He snorted. “How was the interrogation?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Ok, I guess,” I said. “Long.” I hesitated.

“What is it?” he asked, turning the TV off and looking up.

“Harkin said something about you being a Spectre recruit,” I said.

He scowled. “I thought that was in the past,” he said, glaring at me.

“He said Saren was assessing you,” I continued.

“Harkin was feeling talkative,” Commander Anderson said. “Did he tell you anything else? What this season’s fashion in gags are?”

“So it’s true?” I pressed.

He sighed. “Yes,” he said. “When I was about twenty five, I was nominated to become Spectre. We had recently won the war with the turians, and the galaxy was a bit wary of us. The Council wanted to stay in our good books, so as the best officer in the Alliance at the time, my name was put forward.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this?” I asked. “I was going through the same thing.”

“I don’t need tell you everything that happens to me Ken,” he snapped.

“Yeah, but-,” I began. “You’re not a Spectre,” I said.

“I’m glad you noticed,” he said acidly.

“So, what happened?” I asked curiously. “Why didn’t you make it? I mean, you are good enough.”

“Because I fucked up,” he snapped. “It’s not something I’m proud of.” 

I raised my eyebrows. “Oh come on, it can’t be nearly as bad as some of the whoppers I’ve managed to pull off,” I remarked.

“Yes, well, Saren is still alive,” Commander Anderson said, smiling wryly. “Let’s see, I was serving on the SSV Andes. We were posted to the Charon System, you know, on the edge of the Terminus Systems. Terminus pirates took control of an oil refinery-,”

“For what?” I asked in amazement.

“Shits and giggles, Ken, shits and giggles,” he answered. “Anyway, my commander sent me and a squad down to infiltrate the refinery and retake control of it. Saren and I split up to cover more ground, much like you and Nihlus did. Somehow, he got to the refinery first and blew it. Killed everyone inside. Then smog from the explosion blew over the city nearby and killed a few hundred more people. It got ugly though. Saren said that I had blown his cover, which is why he’d taken that action. The Council naturally believed him, and I was left holding the bag. I was very nearly dishonourably discharged. My previous service record was the only thing that kept me in the Alliance.”

“But-why would he do this?” I asked.

Commander Anderson shrugged. “Perhaps he didn’t want a human in the Spectres,” he said. “I’m sure you noticed how much he hates us back in seventy eight. Or maybe he just likes killing things.”

“Do you reckon that’s why he attacked Eden Prime?” I asked, leaning forward. “Because he hates humans.”

“Maybe,” he said. “Seems a bit extreme though, abducting an entire city just because you hate the species. Anyway, that’s my sob story. I fucked up my chance for infamy. But at least I didn’t get a Spectre killed on my assessment.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” I said.

“Why thank you ever so much, Dr Freud,” he said glumly. “Do you have any other amazing insights?”

I thought for a moment. “Don’t open your umbrella indoors,” I said at last.

“Get out of here, Ken,” he said, fighting a smile.

.....

That evening, Ash and I had dinner with Kaidan and Lisa at Apollo’s. “So, you two are Kaidan’s best friends?” Lisa asked. She was tall, with dark curls and large green eyes.

“I dunno,” I said, having a sip of my wine. “Kaidan, are we your best friends?”

“Yeah, as tragic as that is,” Kaidan said.

“Hey, we can leave if that’s what you want,” Ash said, grinning. “So, how’s it going with you two?”

“Oh, you know, good,” Lisa said, draping her arm around Kaidan’s neck as though she wanted to strangle him. “It’s tough having my Kaidy far away from me. I know you and Jane will look after him though.”

“Of course we will,” I said, giving her a sickly sweet smile. “Kaidy’s never been safer.”

“And it’s so great that you two are women,” Lisa continued excitedly. “You can tell me all his bad habits.”

Hm, why not? “He’s a bit self-righteous,” I said, after a pause. “And he doesn’t think about consequences.”

“Hark at her,” Kaidan laughed. “You’re exactly the same.”

“Yes, but we’re talking to your partner, not mine,” I said. “When I get a new boyfriend, you can tell him all about the fact that I never shut up.”

“Hey, Ash, is your husband going to be on the Citadel any time soon?” Lisa asked.

“He might sometime soon,” Ash said.

“We should totally go on a double,” Lisa said smiling widely.

Ash gave me a look. “Ja,” she said. “Totally.”

“Oh, I’m so excited,” Lisa said happily. “We’ve been voted the Alliance’s hottest couple of the month three months in a row.”

“Darn, Kaidan, only three months?” I asked, trailing my fingers in the left-over sauce on my plate. “If you and Kasuumi were still together, you could be the hottest couple of the year, maybe even the decade.”

“Wait, what?” Lisa asked. “You dated Kasuumi Dranne?”

“Thanks a bunch, Jane,” Kaidan said angrily. “Yeah, I dated Kasuumi Dranne. For like three days. It didn’t work out.”

“He also dated the orange-haired monster, Snixx,” I said. “And Kayleigh, Mags, Bronze, D.C and Luxy. There weren’t any others, were there?”

“No,” Kaidan said, glaring at me. “There weren’t.”

“I never realised there were so many before me,” Lisa said.

“I’m twenty four and sexy,” Kaidan snapped. “It wasn’t as if I was celibate before you came along.”

Lisa smiled. “It doesn’t matter,” she said. “We’ll proceed with the original plan. We’ll be engaged by the end of the year, married when you go on sabbatical. We’ll live here on the Presidium, and have three children.”

Ash’s jaw dropped open. “Now I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger, but she ain’t missing with my bro n-worders,” I mumbled.

“What was that, Jane?” Kaidan asked.

“Jitter bugger jitter j-worder,” I said, smoothly.

He gave me a strange look, but left it at that. The waiter came over and asked if he could take my plate. “Let me make sure my plate is empty,” I joked, looking down. The smile slid from my face when I saw that I had drawn the same strange symbol in the left-over sauce on my plate. 

“Go ahead,” I mumbled, feeling ill.

Later, Lisa dragged Ash and me to the ladies. “I will never understand why women feel the need to travel to the bathroom in packs,” I mumbled as I redid my ponytail.

“You have such amazing complexion, Jane,” Lisa said. “What base do you use?”

I gave Ash a questioning look. “Make-up,” she said.

“Of course,” I said. “Uh, I don’t wear make-up.”

“You don’t?” Lisa asked in surprise.

“I’m forced to wear khaki all day every day,” I said. “I doubt there’s any make-up in the galaxy that can make me look hot in that.”

“I know I come over pretty strong, but I’m just so excited to be with Kaidan,” Lisa said. “He’s such an amazing boyfriend.”

“Yeah, he’s great,” I said. “I mean, a great friend.”

“Eish,” Ash mumbled.

.....

The court case was a week later. Court proceedings on the Citadel were different to those held in the Alliance. Normal cases went in front of three members of the League of Judges, which had representatives from the Council species. The case was investigated by a C-Sec officer, who presented all the findings to the judges. The judges then ruled in someone’s favour.

Our case however was a bit different. The Council themselves was to pass judgement on our case, something that filled my stomach with butterflies. I was grateful however that I wouldn’t actually have to speak.

The case was to be heard in the Council Chamber, in the Citadel Tower, located on the Presidium. Commander Anderson, Luco, Ash, Kaidan and I had to be there as we were the plaintiffs, but Kasuumi, Gordon and Zaeed said that they would come too. We arrived at the Tower slightly early, and were told to wait in the antechamber. 

Sergeant Vakarian and another turian were already waiting in the antechamber. They looked up as we walked in, then continued talking in low voices in turian.

“Are you out of your mind, Vakarian?” the other turian hissed. “How do you expect me to stall the Council?”

“Saren is up to something, I know it,” Sergeant Vakarian said, mildly angrily. “I may have a lead, but I need more time to follow it up.”

“What’s the lead?” the other turian asked.

“There’s a quarian…,” Sergeant Vakarian began.

“A quarian,” the other turian scoffed. “And let me guess, the quarian has a map that says ‘bad guys this way’. Grow up, Vakarian, and stop trying to make trouble. If I hear any complaints from the Council, you’re for it.” I was somewhat impressed at his grasping of the use of sarcasm.

“But sir-,” Sergeant Vakarian said.

“But nothing,” the other turian said with finality. “I have to leave. Behave yourself.” He stalked out.

Sergeant Vakarian made a loud clicking sound with his tongue. “Who was that?” I asked.

“Executor Palen, the head of C-Sec,” Sergeant Vakarian said.

“What do you mean ‘Saren’s up to something’?” I asked.

“I interviewed him as part of my investigation,” Sergeant Vakarian said. “His story checks out, but I still don’t trust him. He’s not telling the truth. Like you humans say, I feel it in my bowels.” Aliens had difficulties with metaphors.

“It might be bad meat,” I said.

“Pardon me?” Sergeant Vakarian asked.

“I-never mind,” I said. “So, who-?” we were interrupted by an asari matron (middle-aged woman) walking into the antechamber.

“The Council’s ready for you,” she said.

.....

The Council Chamber was a huge, perfectly round room that was located at the top of Citadel Tower, underneath Citadel Control, the department that monitored the Citadel’s air traffic. The floor was made entirely of glass, and below the glass grew flora and fauna from the three Council worlds. Around the room grew red cherry blossom trees from the asari homeworld Thessia. The walls had large glass windows that gave views of the Presidium.

The Council sat on a large dais in the very centre of the room, around which chairs were arranged. Only one of the chairs were occupied, by a tall turian with abnormally long fringe and mandibles, and silver face paint that indicated that he had been a turian general. Saren glared at me as I took my seat.

Councillor Asheel stood up and cleared her throat. “We are here to hear the serious charge of murder against Spectre Saren Arterus of Spectre Nihlus Kryik,” she said in a loud voice. “The complaint was laid by Commander David Anderson, N7, of the Alliance Special Forces on the twelfth day of the sixty third cycle, year 1920. Sergeant Garrus Vakarian of Citadel Security was appointed as lead investigator of the case. Sergeant Vakarian, what have you learnt?”

Sergeant Vakarian got up and explained in detail everything that had come up in the interviews. Apparently, Saren had taken a ship to Aephus, the turian colony where he had grown up, to visit his family. He had even had records that proved he had gotten onto the ship and landed at Aephus.

“Hm,” Councillor Valern said, steepling his fingers. “So, no one but Major Shepard said Saren had been on Eden Prime?”

“Yes, Councillor,” Sergeant Vakarian said.

“And Shepard was the only one who recognised Saren in the photographs?” Councillor Tarquin asked. I wondered at that point if I had maybe imagined Saren on Eden Prime, if it had been another turian.

“Yes sir,” Sergeant Vakarian said.

“I seem to recall that Commander Anderson and Saren have a bit of a history,” Councillor Asheel said.

“Yes Madam Councillor,” Sergeant Vakarian said. “Commander Anderson was nominated for Spectre and Spectre Saren was assessing him.”

“Ah yes, the oil refineries on Tiptree,” Councillor Asheel said. “I seem to recall that Commander Anderson quite vociferously protested the Council’s judgement. Interesting that he’s involved when the Alliance is making wild claims against Saren.”

“Wait,” Sergeant Vakarian said. “There’s one more matter. Major Shepard’s vision.”

I was watching Saren, and I saw him throw me a quick look. “Are we letting dreams enter into testimony now?” he asked. “How can I possibly defend myself against this sort of thing?”

“Agreed,” Councillor Valern said. So did I. “Ready to pass judgement.”

A salarian clerk appeared from the shadows of one of the trees and handed the Councillors each a datapad. The pressed a few buttons and handed the datapads back to him. He glanced down at them.

“Council does not find in favour of Alliance,” he said in a loud voice. “Charges against Saren Arterus dropped.”

Sergeant Vakarian got to his feet and stormed out of the chamber. There were mumbles of ‘hot-head’ among the Councillors.

Outside, Ambassador Udina rounded on Commander Anderson. “Were you making this up to get delayed revenge on Saren?” he snapped.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Commander Anderson said impatiently.

“If Major Shepard was the only one who could positively identify Saren, why did you insist on laying the charges?” Ambassador Udina said angrily. “You must have known there’s no way the case would go through.”

“I wanted to see how high we could push your blood pressure,” Commander Anderson snapped. “Pretty fucking high it seems.”

“I want you off the station by midday tomorrow afternoon,” Ambassador Udina shouted, his eyes popping out of his head slightly. “And if I hear about you coming anywhere near anything to do with Saren Arterus, I will kill you myself.”

“Come on, that’s stupid,” I said in annoyance.

“And you, what’s this nonsense about visions?” Ambassador Udina asked.

“It’s not nonsense, it’s the truth,” I said impatiently. “And you would know this if you’d actually read my report.”

“I can’t take this,” Ambassador Udina said impatiently. “Bloody prima donnas, the lot of you.” He stalked off.

“Right, I’m off to get shit-faced,” Commander Anderson said. “I recommend the rest of you do the same. Be at the docks by 1000 hours. Dismissed.”

He left the chamber. “Well, that was a bit of a cock up, wasn’t it?” Zaeed asked.

“Are you sure you saw Saren, Shep?” Kasuumi asked. “You might have seen another turian.”

I rubbed my forehead, frustrated. “I don’t know,” I said at last. “I’m almost certain it was him but, if he was in another place, it can’t have been, can it?”

“Don’t be so sure,” Kasuumi said. “An alibi is surprisingly easy to fabricate if you know the right people. And as a Spectre, Saren’s bound to know the right people.”

“Come on, Dranne,” Zaeed said, clearly bored by the conversation. “Let’s go to the arcade.”

“The arcade?” Ash asked in surprise.

“I’ll explain later,” Kasuumi mumbled. She and Zaeed left.

“I’m going to take the Commander’s advice and get pissed,” Luco said. “I’ll see you guys later.”

Kaidan had wandered over to one of the windows. “Look at that view,” he said as we walked over to him. “You can see all four the ward arms from up here.”

“There are millions of people living on the Citadel,” I said. “Humans are just a small droplet in a very big ocean here.”

“Doesn’t mean we can’t be treated with at least a little respect,” Ash mumbled.

“Come on, Ash, you can’t exactly blame the Council for being wary of us,” Kaidan said. “All the trouble that’s happened in the galaxy in the last century had humans involved in some way. I wouldn’t be our greatest fan either.”

“But think of all that humanity can offer the galaxy,” I said dramatically. “We have beautiful women, love, metaphors and body hair. There’s no reason they shouldn’t love you. Us,” I corrected myself hastily. Both Ash and Kaidan turned to stare at me. “Let’s go,” I mumbled, blushing. “I feel like drowning my sorrows.”

.....

We ended up in a horribly seedy bar on Miana Ward called Cora’s Den. Cora’s Den was basically a strip club with some of the worst drinks and music in the galaxy. Kaidan had suggested it.

“Why are we even here?” Ash asked. “Dark Star is a way better club. Even Nova on the Eight Hundred Blocks has some decent bloody drinks.”

“I like the view,” Kaidan said, scowling. “What do you guys want?”

Ash sighed. “A mojito,” she said.

“Gin and tonic, Jane?” Kaidan asked.

“Yeah, why not?” I asked. “What are we doing here?” I asked Ash once he was gone. “I think we’re the only women here apart from the performers.”

“No clue,” Ash said. “Maybe Kaidan’s become a perv in his old age.”

“He’s twenty four,” I said. “He’s not old.”

“Well, anyway, I have news,” Ash said. “The Joint Military Council has approved my downgrade. I am now officially an N3 and allowed to serve on the fleet.”

“Holy crap, Ash, that’s amazing,” I said excitedly. “Wait, why am I congratulating you for being downgraded? Usually people would be mourning the fact.”

“You can congratulate me if you want,” Ash said. “It means I can serve with you guys on the Normandy. The only real issue is that I’m now a lower pay grade.”

“Oh come on, you’re married to a fucking criminal lawyer, who, by his own admission makes a fair amount of money,” I said. “You’ll be fine.”

Kaidan arrived back with our drinks. “So, what shall we toast?” he asked.

“Toast,” I said. “In fact, a toast to toast.”

Ash rolled her eyes. “So, how do you feel about the Council’s judgement?” she asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I said. “Did you notice how Saren looked at me when Sergeant Vakarian mentioned my visions? He seemed surprised.”

“I didn’t,” Kaidan said and Ash shook her head.

At that moment the MC announced, “And now, the night special. Able to enchant men all over the galaxy with her beauty and her natural rhythm, the one, the only, please give it up for Abbie Alenko.”

“Now I understand why we’re here,” I said as Kaidan’s twenty two year old sister walked out onto the stage, dressed as a member of the Air Force.

“Wow, she’s actually really good,” Ash said at the end of the song. She received a standing-ovation from the room. I spied Officer Harkin cheering and making lewd gestures close to the stage.

“Ash, you’re no bloody help at all,” Kaidan snapped, scowling as Abbie started a new, much faster dance.

“I’m just saying, objectively speaking, as not the baby sister of my best friend, she’s not a bad stripper,” Ash said.

“Yeah, and you’re not objective, you’re my best friend, so shut up,” Kaidan said angrily.

I stood up. “Where are you going?” Ash asked in alarm.

“Yeah, good idea,” Kaidan said. “Rip her off the stage.”

“No, don’t be stupid,” I said. “Officer Harkin’s there.”

“He’s wasted, he won’t notice,” Kaidan said.

“No, you numb-brain, I’m going to talk to him,” I said impatiently.

“O-k,” Ash said. “May I ask why?”

“You may,” I said.

“Cool, why?” Ash asked.

“I didn’t say I’d answer,” I said. By now we’d reached Officer Harkin. I tapped him on the shoulder. “Pardon me Officer,” I said.

“Well, hello there,” he slurred, looking blearily at me. “Are you a present for me? Cos I have to say your outfit is super sexy. Come on,” he tapped his lap. “Come sit here. We’ll see where this goes.”

“Or, I could punch you in the face and see where that goes,” I snapped.

“Are you trying to insult me?” he asked blearily.

“Probably,” I said. “Do you want to make something of it?”

“You’ll have to do better than that,” he said morosely. “After all these years, I’ve been insulted more times than I can count.”

“I wonder why,” Ash mumbled.

“Come on, baby, I’ll make your dreams come true,” Officer Harkin continued.

“Listen fuckface, the lady asked you to step back, so step the fuck back,” Kaidan snapped stepping in front of me.

“Kaidan, I am a big girl, I don’t need you to fight my battles for me,” I said angrily. “God, you just set the neo-feminist movement back centuries. Furthermore, I find the term lady offensive.”

“Holy crap, Jane, the dude’s being an asshole,” Kaidan snapped. “Besides, don’t the neo-feminists want men to call out the bad behaviour of men? What the fuck do you want from me?”

“I want you to shut up and let me do my job,” I snapped back. “And I don’t need you to protect me.”

“Hey, why don’t we all get back on track here?” Ash asked soothingly. “We came here for a reason.”

“We did,” I said. “We want to know where Sergeant Vakarian is.”

“We do?” Ash asked.

“What for?” Officer Harkin asked suspiciously.

“We want to plant one on him, do you really think I’m going to tell you?” I asked impatiently.

“He’s still working the Saren case, if you must know,” Officer Harkin said. “Stupid fool. His shift ended three hours ago. His wife is such a ball buster. She’s threatened to murder him if he came home late again this week.”

“Why’s he working the case?” Kaidan asked. “The Council closed it.”

“He’s certain there’s a clue that we overlooked,” Officer Harkin said. “He’s out investigating a lead.”

“Where is he?” I asked.

“I’m not sure-,”

“Tell me before I cut your balls off and sell them to a krogan,” I snapped.

“Jesus, calm down lady,” Officer Harkin said hastily.

“Call me that again, and you’ll wish you hadn’t,” I said. “Now, do I need to get a meat cleaver out, or are you going to tell me where he is?”

“There’s a quarian in one of the clinics on this ward that got shot a couple of days ago,” Officer Harkin said quickly. “Apparently she showed up at the turian embassy, claiming to have some proof of geth outside of quarian space. The clerk turfed her out, and she was shot a few minutes later.”

“Which clinic?” I asked.

“I think it was Dr Michel’s clinic on street four fifty,” he said.

“Dr Matilda Michel?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “Pretty girl that one.”

“Sorry, but her grass is greener than yours,” I said. He looked confused. “She plays on your team? She doesn’t like sausages and beans, meat and two veg? Nope? I don’t have time to explain it to you, so suck it up. Let’s go.”

“Jane, what the fuck are you doing?” Kaidan asked as we left the club.

“If Sergeant Vakarian has intel that proves that Saren’s guilty, we need to make sure that it comes before the Council,” I said.

“What makes you think it won’t?” Ash asked.

“Well, Sergeant Vakarian is a turian,” I said. “They look out for their own.”

“That’s kind of racist,” Kaidan said.

“Maybe,” I shrugged.

“Well, I approve,” Ash said.

“Of course you do,” I mumbled.

.....

Matilda Michel was the ex-girlfriend of Bridget Fredrich, an old pod mate of Kaidan, Ash and me, who had died in the thresher maw attack on Akuze. When we were recruits, we’d stayed with two of them over Christmas and had subsequently become good friends. 

“I’m quite looking forward to seeing Matilda,” Ash said now. “I haven’t seen her since we were recruits.”

“You saw her after Akuze though, didn’t you Jane?” Kaidan asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “She seemed to be doing ok.”

The clinic was on the seedier part of the ward. On our way, I saw street children (what the locals called Duct Rats) of all different species running around, poking through trash cans and generally causing chaos, and there was a Collector hanging around outside the clinic. Collectors were really weird creatures that largely resembled giant bugs with four eyes. They weren’t technically Council-protected species, and nobody actually knew where they came from. They just randomly showed up on planets, where they traded in rare technology, starship parts and (it was rumoured) malformed body parts for crazy people’s science experiments.

“Excuse me,” I said in protha to the Collector. “Did a turian come in here recently?”

It turned its six eyes on me. “You have good lungs,” it said in a surprisingly deep voice that had a weird clicky accent to it.

“Well, not really, they’re pretty terrible,” I said, wondering how it knew what my lungs were like.

“Yes,” the Collector said. “Pay many credits for them. Two billion?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I asked in a shocked voice. “No, I’m not giving you my lungs. I’m still using them.”

“Pay many, many credits,” the Collector crooned.

“No,” I snapped. “Did a turian go in here?”

“Yes, maybe five minutes ago,” the Collector said, changing his tone completely.

“Thanks,” I said, making to go inside. It blocked my way. I sighed. “Two million?” I suggested. It didn’t move. “Three million credits,” I said. It nodded and pushed a credit scanner my way. I put my PIN code in and the amount and watched as three million credits were taken from my account. “Thank you,” I said.

I pushed the door open and was greeted by perhaps the strangest sight I’d seen in a long time. A receptionist’s desk divided the room in two. On the far side of the desk stood three human men. One held a gun against the temple of a short, dark-haired woman, and the other two flanked them. On the other side of the desk, pressed against a pillar close to the door stood Sergeant Vakarian.

The three men looked up when we walked in. “Who the fuck are you?” the man with the gun snapped. I immediately went for my pistol and realised that I wasn’t carrying it.

At that moment, Sergeant Vakarian popped out from behind the pillar and shot all three men square in the head.

“Holy-where did you come from?” Matilda asked weakly.

“Matilda, are you ok?” Ash asked.

“What are you three doing here?” Sergeant Vakarian asked.

“Ok, can we all take a moment?” I said impatiently. “Ash, Kaidan, take Matilda into the back. I need to speak to Sergeant Vakarian.”

“You got it,” Ash said. “Come on, Matilda. You’ll be fine.” 

She led Matilda out the room, Kaidan following close behind. Sergeant Vakarian waited until the door had shut behind them before saying, “Thanks for the distraction.”

“No problem,” I said. “That was some amazing shooting.”

“Oh you know,” he shrugged uncomfortably. “Sometimes you get lucky. Anyway, hospitals are no good to fight through.”

“It’s not a hospital, it’s a clinic,” I said, bemused.

“Same thing, different name,” he said.

“Ok, so what is good to fight through?” I asked.

“Gardens, electronic shops, antique stores, but only if they’re classy,” he said. “What are you doing here?”

“Your partner said you’d be here,” I explained.

“How would she know?” Sergeant Vakarian asked in mild confusion. “Oh, wait you mean Harkin. Why did you want to find me?”

“Well, Sergeant Vakarian-,” I began.

“Garrus,” he corrected.

“Garrus,” I repeated. “You think Saren’s guilty. Why?”

“Like you heard earlier, his story checked out, but I didn’t trust him,” Garrus said. “I couldn’t find anything on him, until this morning, when I heard one of the other officers talking about this case he was handling. A quarian was shot on the Presidium, but she didn’t want to press charges. Then, I heard another officer who guards the turian embassy say that she’d been at the embassy earlier, talking about evidence of geth activities outside of quarian space. I figured she might have evidence that we could use, but the executor wouldn’t give me time to interview her. When I got here, there was nobody in here. They came in from the examination room, and I hid. Then you arrived. From what I could figure, the quarian isn’t here anymore.” Quarians were nomadic species that were forced to live in envirosuits owing to the fact that living in the sterile environments of their ships had destroyed their immune systems.

“But, why do you want to take Saren down?” I burst out. “You’re a turian.”

“Ok, I’m going to cut this on the stem now,” Garrus said, seemingly amused. “Not every turian is the same, just like not every human is the same. If Saren’s a crook, he’s a disgrace to my people, and he needs to be stopped.”

“Ok then,” I said. “By the way, the saying is ‘nip it in the bud’. I’ll go speak to Dr Michel and find out more about the quarian.”

“And I’ll call this one in,” Garrus said. “Let me know what you find.”

Ash had given Matilda a glass of water to drink. Matilda was seated on the examination table, her face as white as a sheet. Kaidan was gently rubbing her back.

“Matilda,” I said, going over to her. “How are you doing?”  
“Oh God,” she said. “If you and that C-Sec officer hadn’t been here…I don’t want to think about it.”

“It’s ok,” I said. “Just keep breathing.”

“No, I’m ok,” Matilda said. “I can’t work in this area on not be used to seeing violence. It’s just, I’ve never had a gun held on me.”

“I know, it’s quite scary,” I said.

“You lucky it wasn’t Jane who shot those guys,” Ash said, throwing me a dirty look. “You would have been hit too.”

“My God, are we still on this?” I asked. “It was six years ago. I’d have thought you’d forgiven me by now.”

“I was unable to walk for almost three months,” Ash said.

“Yeah, and if I hadn’t shot him, you’d be dead,” I snapped.

“Ladies,” Kaidan said. 

“Sorry,” I said. “Um, why were those guys after you?”

“They were looking for the quarian,” Matilda said. She took another sip of her water.

“Who is this quarian?” I asked, but Matilda gave me a suspicious look.

“Why are you after her?” she asked.

“I’m investigating a case, and she’s very important to it,” Garrus said from the door. “I can’t tell you any more, for your own safety. I can try and get a court-order if you really want one though.”

“Well, you are C-Sec,” Matilda said. “I suppose you won’t be wanting to hurt her. Her name is Tali’Zorah. She showed up at my clinic two, no it was three solar days ago with a gunshot wound to the arm and a very bad infection. She’d been shot about five days ago on the Presidium and had been taken to a hospital there. She discharged herself because she said she didn’t feel safe on the Presidium. I kept her hidden in the back room.”

“Who was it that shot her?” Ash asked.

Matilda shrugged. “It was a sniper. She didn’t see,” she said. “Anyway, as soon as the fever died down, she said she had important information to sell. Something about geth. She asked me if I could put her in touch with the Shadow Broker.”

“Shadow Broker?” Kaidan asked.

“An information trader,” I explained. “The best one in the galaxy.”

“She kept talking about it, so I put her in touch with Fist, one of the Shadow Broker’s agents here on this ward,” Matilda continued.

“Not anymore,” Garrus said. “I have a krogan up at the station that swears that Fist has turned traitor.”

Matilda’s face whitened. “Then she’s in trouble,” she said. “I took her to one of the shelters on the ward here, made sure she was comfortable, and gave her Fist’s number. I don’t know where his offices are.”

“Which shelter?” I asked.

“It doesn’t matter which, that quarian won’t be there anymore,” Garrus said.

“What makes you so sure?” Ash asked suspiciously.

“A scared quarian on her own, fearing for her life?” Garrus asked, mildly scornfully. “She’ll want to get rid of that data and get off this station as soon as possible.”

“So let’s go to Fist,” I said.

Garrus let out a frustrated click. “I don’t know where he is,” he said. “I use Barla’Von for my information.”

“Didn’t you say there was a krogan going on about Fist?” Kaidan asked.

“I didn’t quite say that, but…,” Garrus sighed. “Wrex hasn’t said anything apart from the fact that he’s here to kill Fist. Although, that means he must know where Fist is. Come on,” he said abruptly, starting for the door.

“Will you be ok?” I asked Matilda.

“I should be,” she said. 

“Ok, lock the doors and don’t let anyone in,” I said. “I’ll check on you later.”

“Actually, it’s quite late,” Matilda said. “I’ll probably head home.”

I checked the time. It was past midnight. “Ok, stay safe,” I said over my shoulder, running to catch up with Garrus. “Come on you two.”

Garrus’ blue C-Sec skycar was parked outside. He stood next to the car, typing furiously into a datapad. The Collector shuffled over to me, and I waved him away. “I already said no,” I snapped. “What are we doing, Garrus?”

“You’re ok with breaking the law?” he asked.

“I guess,” I said uncertainly.

“Nope,” Ash said.

“Don’t be such a wuss, Williams,” I snapped.

“Good,” Garrus said. “Get into the car.” I climbed into the front seat, and Kaidan and Ash hesitantly climbed into the back.

“So, what are we doing?” I asked.

“We’re going to move the krogan mercenary I arrested, Urdnot Wrex, to better interrogation facilities on the Eight Hundred Blocks,” Garrus said. “Or, at least that’s what we’re going to tell the clerks at the Academy.”

“Oh, I get it,” Kaidan said. “You’re the bad cop.”

“Actually, I’m a very good cop,” Garrus said. “I have the best scores in the force.”

“He meant that you don’t mind doing wrong to do right,” I said.

“It’s a metaphor, so obviously you wouldn’t get it,” Ash said angrily. She was clearly pissed off about having to work with a turian.

“I see,” Garrus said. “Then yes, I don’t mind blurring the lines to catch the criminals.” He glanced down at his omnitool. “Darn,” he mumbled, and pressed a few buttons. “Nyxerus,” he said in turian. “I’m going to be late. Don’t wait up…I know, I’m sorry…look, I promise, we’ll do it tomorrow night…ok, yeah, you too. Sleep well.” He hung up and saw my questioning look. “The wife,” he said. “We’re expecting our first.”

“Congratulations,” I said. He shrugged.

.....

When we reached the C-Sec Academy, Garrus had us wait by one of the trucks in the basement whilst he went to fetch the krogan. “Jane, what the hell are we doing?” Kaidan asked.

“Proving Saren’s a traitor,” I said. “Obviously.”

“Yes, but,” Ash hesitated. “I’m not being racist here, but how do we know we can trust this Garrus?”

“We don’t, but-,” I paused thoughtfully. “If his goals weren’t compatible with ours, I’m pretty sure we’d find ourselves in a prison cell. You heard him say he doesn’t mind blurring the lines.”

“So, information traders are big in the galaxy?” Kaidan asked.

“Biggest industry there is,” I said. “Information is power after all.”

A few minutes later, Garrus walked into the basement, leading the largest krogan I’d ever seen by a chain around his neck. The krogan stood at about six foot eight, and his nutrient hump seemed to extend far away from his back. His skin was reddish, and covered in scars. 

“Where do you think you’re taking me, turian?” the krogan was grumbling.

“Cut the attitude, krogan, you’re just being moved,” Garrus snapped.

He opened the back of the truck. “Get in,” he said. The krogan grumbled some more under his breath, and I felt Ash and Kaidan wince next to me. Krogan were notorious for their bad tempers and immense strength.

Eventually, the krogan climbed into the back, and Garrus locked the back door securely. “Jesus, he’s big,” I mumbled as we climbed into the front of the truck.

“Yup, and dangerous,” Garrus said. “Don’t worry, we’ll be ok.”

He started the truck. “If you look under the seat you’re sitting on, Lieutenant Alenko, you’ll find some sidearms,” he said. “I think it’s wise if the three of you arm yourselves. Just in case.”

Kaidan bent down and pulled the pistols out. “So, now we’re armed and dangerous,” I remarked, taking one from him. “But we look bloody stupid.” We were still wearing our formal blues from that morning.

Garrus pulled the truck into a side alley. “Alright, let’s see what Wrex can give us,” he said. 

We all hopped out and into the back of the truck. “Where the fuck are you taking me, turian?” Wrex growled menacingly in protha.

“Well, we were hoping you’d be able to take us to our destination,” Garrus said.

“Uh huh,” Wrex asked. “Who are the humans?”

“This is Jane Shepard, and those are Kaidan Alenko and Ashley Williams,” Garrus said. “They’re with the Alliance. We need you to take us to Fist.”

“Why do you need me?” Wrex asked. “Why don’t you look on the extranet?”

“People can track you on the extranet and at the moment we’re trying to stay under the radar,” Garrus said impatiently. “Come on, Wrex, we’re promising to take you to the man you’re sworn to kill. Help us out a little.”

Wrex grunted. “Fine,” he said. “Fist’s office is on Shalta Ward. Row Two Three Five.”

“Ok, we’ll need to get a taxi, I left my car at the office,” Garrus said. He gave Wrex a look. “A large taxi.”

There was a taxi stand close to where we had parked. “I’ll drive,” I said authoritatively, unlocking the stand.

“Bye bye life,” Kaidan sang.

“Very bloody funny,” I snapped.

“I call shotgun,” Ash said.

“Sorry, I don’t have one,” Garrus said, bemused.

“It means…oh what’s the bloody use,” Ash mumbled.

Kaidan found himself sandwiched in the back seat between Wrex and Garrus. “Everyone comfortable?” I asked.

“No,” all three of them answered.

“Too bad,” I said. “Let’s go.”

Something that Garrus and Wrex clearly didn’t know, but that Ash and Kaidan were well aware of, was the fact that I was an excellent driver. Brilliant. Fantastic. In fact, I had received a perfect score at my driving test. I did however love to speed. Call it a need for speed.

“Spirits, slow down,” Garrus cried in mild alarm. “If I worked in traffic control, I’d have you arrested on the spot.”

“No, go faster,” Wrex said excitedly. “Can you reach one thousand noughts?”

“Don’t encourage her,” Ash said, sounding slightly ill.

“If we die in a flaming wreck, we won’t be able to catch Saren,” Garrus pointed out.

“We won’t die,” I said. “I’m a legendary driver.”

“For all the wrong reasons,” Kaidan mumbled.

Despite everyone’s concerns, I got us safely to Fist’s office, which was above a fish shop. “You know you probably got about five speeding tickets on that trip?” Garrus asked.

“That’s fine,” I said. “I have more credits than I know what to do with in any case, so I don’t really care. Some people say I have more money than cents, ha ha.”

“Shut up and go inside,” Ash said, rolling her eyes heavenwards.

“I don’t get it,” Garrus mumbled, as we climbed the stairs.

“Me neither, but I tend not to pay attention when people that aren’t me are talking,” Wrex said. “Humans make too many squeaking noises.”

“Only when sat on,” I pointed out. “Let’s hope Fist doesn’t keep human hours.”

“He is a human,” Wrex said.

“Well, then we may be shit out of luck,” I said.

Fortunately, Fist’s office was still open. His reception area was manned by a volus of all things. A species of very short statue, they were forced to wear pressure suits when not on their homeworld, Irune, owing to the fact that Irune was a very low-pressured planet.

The volus seemed to regard us nervously. “What can I do for you, Earth-Clan?” he asked me, clearly deciding I was the one in charge.

“We need to see Fist,” I said. “It is a matter of galactic safety.”

“May I ask what you wish to see him for?” the volus asked.

“We want to buy information,” I said. “Obviously.”

The volus walked into the corner and started whispering into his omnitool. “What is your name?” he asked me.

“Major Jane Shepard of the Alliance,” I said.

He carried on whispering. “He says he’ll see you, Earth-Clan, but not with the Tuchanka-Clan,” he told me.

“Fine,” I said. “Wrex, go wait by the taxi.”

“But-,” Wrex began.

“Now,” I snapped.

Wrex gave a loud growl, and stomped out.

“And he doesn’t want the Palaven-Clan to be there either,” the volus continued. “He’s a C-Sec agent.”

“Garrus,” I said.

“I don’t like this, Shepard,” Garrus said.

“I can look after myself,” I said. “If we’re not out in five minutes, you are more than welcome to storm the building.”

Garrus nodded and walked out.

“Thank you,” I said.

“Through that door, Earth-Clan,” the volus said.

I led Ash and Kaidan into the next room. Fist was a stooped, middle-aged, balding man. “Major Shepard,” he said, indicating that we could sit. “It’s good to finally meet you. I’m a huge fan.”

“Thank you,” I said. “These are my companions, Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams and Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko.”

“Good to meet you,” Fist said. “So what can I do for you, Major Shepard?”

“Well, I want to buy information,” I said delicately. “That is what you do, isn’t it? Sell information for the Shadow Broker.”

“I-yes it is,” Fist said, looking uncomfortable. “Depending on the kind of information, it could take several days to find though.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that,” I said. “This should be easy enough for you. Have you recently heard from a quarian by the name of Tali’Zorah?”

“I-that name doesn’t ring a bell,” Fist said weakly.

“No?” I asked. “There aren’t many quarians on the Citadel, I’m sure you’d remember her. Is it perhaps because she had information on your new boss, Saren?”

“Jeez, that’s quite a jump, Jane,” Ash said.

“But an accurate one, right?” I asked. I watched as his hand drifted down towards a drawer in his desk. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” I advised. “You do know who I am, and I’m not the biggest fan of people drawing guns on me.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Fist said nervously. “The Shadow Broker is my only employer.”

“No he isn’t,” I said. “A krogan mercenary has been hired by the Shadow Broker to take you out. That mercenary is waiting outside, along with a C-Sec officer. I doubt either of them would be as friendly as I am.”

“Fine,” Fist said tiredly. “I’m getting too old for this shit anyway. But I want immunity.”

“Done,” I said. “I promise you’ll get immunity if you give me good intel now.”

“The quarian was here not five minutes ago,” Fist said. “I told her that the Shadow Broker himself would meet with her.”

“I thought no one knew who the Shadow Broker was,” Kaidan said.

“It’s a trap, you silly sod,” I said. I turned back to Fist. “Tell me the address now, or I will break your face.”

“Around the corner, on row Two Three Six,” Fist said. “There’s an abandoned warehouse. You can’t miss it. Some mercenaries are waiting for her there.”

“Thank you,” I said. “Come on.”

We rushed out. “Come again soon,” the volus called after us, clearly educated on human etiquette.

“We found her,” I told Garrus in a rush. “No time to explain, come on.”

“What about Fist?” Wrex asked.

“He’s still in there,” I said. “Come on, Wrex.”

“I don’t leave jobs half-done,” Wrex said angrily.

“Fucking deal with it, we need to move,” I shouted.

To my surprise, Wrex followed us as we ran down the street and into the next one. “There,” Ash called, pointing at the warehouse.

We ran to it, just as a loud bang shook the building. “Holy shit,” Wrex shouted. “That was a big explosion.”

I pushed the door open and stopped short. On the floor lay the inert body of three turians, two salarians and one human. At the other end of the room stood a quarian woman, who had an orb of light flying at speed around her head that I recognised as a Virtual Intelligence drone.

“I told you to attack not float around making ‘twee twee’ noises, you stupid bosh’tet,” the quarian snapped at the VI in quarian, her voice amplified to an audible level through her omnitool. The VI said something in a high pitched voice. “Oh you have some wires crossed?” the quarian, who I decided must be Tali’Zorah said unsympathetically. “Well, that’s too bad. I don’t have time to repair you now, we need to get out of here.”

At that moment, my own VI, Freddie, decided to enter the fun. It had been a gift from Jason a couple of Christmases back and had been programmed to attack any other VI in the vicinity. “I am Freddie, servant of the Overlord,” it squeaked in a high-pitched voice. “You are nothing but a pathetic ball of light.”

Tali’Zorah looked up. “Who are you?” she asked suspiciously in protha.

“My name is Jane,” I said. “We’re not here to hurt you.”

“I will destroy you,” Freddie squeaked. “I will destroy you all.”

“Freddie, shut the fuck up, you’re not helping,” I snapped. “Are you Tali’Zorah?” I asked in a calmer voice.

Tali’Zorah reached her hand slowly into the satchel she wore at her side. “What do you want with me?” she asked suspiciously.

“Dr Michel told us that you have data on the Spectre Saren,” I asked calmly, watching her hand.

“What’s it to you if I do or don’t?” Tali’Zorah asked.

“How did you kill all these men?” I asked, looking around.

“They’re not dead,” Tali’Zorah said. “I stunned them with a flash bang grenade. They’ll wake up in fifteen minutes or so.”

“Ok,” I said. “I’m investigating Saren. I think he may be dirty, and, you may have information we can use.”

She seemed to continue to look suspiciously at me (I couldn’t actually see her face through the thick glass of her helmet, only two white pinpricks, which I assumed were her eyes), then her gaze went over my shoulder to Garrus. “Are you with C-Sec?” she asked him coldly.

“Yes,” he said.

“Your bosh’tet officers took me into custody when I first landed here, and questioned me for an entire day,” Tali’Zorah said angrily.

“Standard procedure, we do that with all visitors whose species are not under Council protection,” Garrus said. “Wrex had to be taken in too when he landed.”

“Yeah, thanks for that by the way,” Wrex grunted. “You put my job back fifteen hours.”

She gave a loud sniff and turned back to me. “Why are you investigating Saren?” she asked me.

“I think we should maybe get out of here before our friends on the floor wake up,” Kaidan whispered to me.

“Ok, Reader’s Digest version then,” I said. “Geth and Saren attacked a human colony, and we’re trying to prove that he’s gone rogue. Do you have information that can help us?”

She seemed to sag tiredly then. “Yes, I can help you,” she said.

“Good,” I said. “Then, we should go. We can talk more later.”

.....

Tali’Zorah was young, I decided as we walked to the Fishdog Foodshack down the row. Maybe even a teenager. She was small, only a few inches taller than me, but her skin-tight suit showed that she had the biggest wasp waist I’d ever seen in my life. The quarians’ envirosuits were all uniform grey, but the quarians liked to decorate their suits with colourful scarves and other funky accessories. Tali’Zorah wore a purple and yellow scarf wrapped around her helmet, and a silver chain-link belt around her wide hips.

“You’re out late,” our asari waitress said.

“We’re all highly-trained insomniacs,” I said. She looked confused. “Never mind,” I sighed. “Um, three coffees for the three humans, two human breakfasts,”

“Make it three human breakfasts,” Wrex grunted. 

“Three human breakfasts,” I continued.

“And a chocolate milkshake,” Wrex said.

“One muesli,” I said.

“A perof,” Garrus said. “And a glass of warm bronia.” Perof was a type of turian pancake, and bronia was similar to coffee.

“Tali’Zorah?” I asked.

“It’s just Tali,” she corrected. “Tali’Zorah’s only if you’re being super formal. Um,” she stared down at the menu. “A bronia,” she said. “And, uh, what’s soft enough for me to put through my filter?”

“There’s pureed lysersa,” Garrus said. “It’s not the worst tasting thing in this place.”

“What he said,” Tali told the waiter, who flounced off. “I’ve eaten nothing but nutrient paste the last few weeks,” she told us. “I’ve lost so much weight.”

“How old are you?” Kaidan asked. “You don’t seem old enough to be travelling on your own, much less touting flash-bang grenades.”

“I’m sixteen,” Tali said. “Well, sixteen of my years. Two hundred galactic years, I think. Yup, two hundred plus one thousand plus fifty times sixteen over a hundred makes two hundred galactic years.”

“But, then you’re definitely not old enough to be travelling on your own,” Kaidan said, looking concerned.

“I’m on my Pilgrimage,” Tali said. “It’s a rite of passage for quarian children. When they come of age, they leave home to travel the galaxy, only returning to the Flotilla when they’ve found something that’ll further our society. It’s basically so that we can prove to our captains that we won’t be burdens.”

“What kind of things?” I asked interestedly.

“All kinds,” Tali said. “Starship parts, new technology, maybe even knowledge on how to make life easier on the Flotilla.”

“So, sort of like the Amish?” I asked.

“I have no idea what that means,” Tali said cheerfully.

The food arrived. Wrex surprised us all by picking the plate up and shoving its entire contents into his mouth. He then followed this by throwing his chocolate milkshake into his mouth. He saw us all staring at him. 

“What?” he asked thickly. “I was hungry.”

“That was disgusting,” Ash said, frowning.

“Says the human,” Wrex grunted. “Have you seen your face lately?”

“Boom,” I said. “I like this krogan.”

Tali purified her food first with a drop from a strange bottle she kept in her satchel, then sucked it into her helmet through a small tube that she pushed into a slit at the base of the helmet.

“So, what’s the evidence you found?” I asked.

“Oh yeah, that,” Tali said. “I decided to travel to Omega for my Pilgrimage. I thought I might be able to build a new ship engine with scraps that I’d find there. About-,”

“Wait, hold the boat,” I said, amazed. “You wanted to build a ship’s engines? From scraps? How?”

“It’s quite easy if you know what you’re doing,” Tali said. “I’m a trained engineer. We start training in our chosen professions at ten.”

“Oh, that explains it,” I said.

“But, I’m also a super genius,” she continued. “I broke the scales at my last intelligence test. Anyway, stories of how smart I am are boring. About a month after I’d landed on Omega, I heard stories of geth being seen outside of our space. Our old space, that is. Imagine that! Geth haven’t been seen in the galaxy since we were driven from our homeworld four hundred years ago. That’s four hundred of our years. I was curious, so I used all my credits to buy fare to one of the worlds where the geth had been spotted. It took a while, but I came across a geth. I disabled it, and removed its memory core.”

“But…how?” Ash asked in amazement. “You’re not exactly the tallest person in the galaxy, and I doubt you’ve fired a gun in your life.”

“I hacked the geth,” Tali said scornfully. “Obviously.”

“Right,” Ash said, rolling her eyes. “Obviously.”

“My people built the geth, and they haven’t changed that much,” Tali said. “Geth can’t be hacked for long, maybe a few seconds at a time, but it was long enough for me to extract the core. There was a recording on it. It was Saren’s voice, and another woman. An asari by the sound of her accent. She mentioned Saren by name.”

“We should get this information to Ambassador Udina as soon as possible,” I said. I yawned. “What time is it?”

“Almost 0600 hours sol,” Kaidan said, glancing at his omnitool.

“Good God, up all night, no wonder I’m exhausted,” Ash said.

“Yup,” I said. “The embassy opens at seven. We could travel there now.”

“Uh uh,” Wrex said. “I am not staying cramped in the back like last time.”

“Alright, it’s your choice,” I said. “Although, I’m sure the ambassador would love to meet you, he’s such a charming fellow.”

Wrex grunted. “I’ve yet to see a charming human,” he said.

“There’s me,” I said. “And you’re yet to meet Private Masaad. He’s the most charming human of all.”

“You’re not charming, little human, you’re crazy,” Wrex said. “Anyway, I’ll see you around. Let me know what happens with the court case.”

“Wrex, just a piece of advice,” Garrus said. “Try and stay out of trouble. You are a fugitive of justice after all.”

Wrex snorted. “I still have a job to do, Vakarian,” he said, sounding amused. “I don’t tend to leave jobs undone, it’s bad for business.”

“Don’t make me arrest you again,” Garrus called after him.

“You’re welcome to try,” Wrex returned, and stomped out of the restaurant.

.....

The embassy offices had just opened when we arrived. Ambassador Udina was standing at his office window, looking out at the Presidium when we were shown into his office. “What the bloody hell are you up to, Major?” he snapped, turning around. “I have received complaints from Officer Harkin that-,” he spotted Garrus and Tali. “You bring to aliens into the embassy?” he squawked, clearly thinking they wouldn’t understand English. I was fairly certain Tali couldn’t, but I heard Garrus give a low growl under his breath. “What are you playing at? Well, do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“Beware the ides of March,” I said.

“What?” he asked in confusion.

“That’s what I have to say-never mind,” I said. I switched to protha. “This is Garrus Vakarian and Tali’Zorah,”

“Tali’Zorah nar Raya,” Tali corrected me.

“Yeah, that,” I said. “Wait, your name is seriously that long?” She shrugged. “Anyway, Tali has information that positively confirms that Saren has allied with the geth.”

“How do you know the information is genuine?’ Ambassador Udina asked.

“Well, she was almost killed twice for it, so I say it’s pretty genuine,” I said. “Tali, why don’t you play the recording for us?”

Tali nodded and pressed a few buttons on her omnitool. “I was scared my bag would get stolen in the shelter, so I kept it on here,” she explained. “I’m guessing that the geth I got this from was in the same room as Saren and the woman with him when this recording was made. Anyway.”

She pressed another button, and Saren’s voice started speaking. “I was hoping that I would understand the data in the beacon by now, but it’s as unclear as ever,” he was saying.

“How do you mean?” a woman’s voice asked. Tali was right, her accent had the same smooth cadences and languidness of most asari speaking protha.

“I know I see the visions, and I can sense the emotions behind it, but as to the actual content, I can’t remember it at all,” Saren answered, sounding frustrated. “As to the Reapers, I can’t find anything on them.”

“Give it time, Saren,” the asari said, sounding bored. Clearly this was a conversation she had had many times already.

“We don’t have time,” Saren snapped. “I think we need to execute our plan.”

“It’ll arouse suspicion,” the asari said impatiently.

“As much suspicion as our geth attacking a human colony?” Saren asked, sounding amused. “We’ve already aroused suspicion, berial. Fetch Shiala for me.”

The recording ended there, leaving a ringing silence. “Reapers,” Ash said slowly. “Why does that sound so familiar?”

I also sensed that I’d heard the name somewhere before. “Never mind that,” Kaidan said. “Who’s the woman with Saren? And who’s Shiala?”

“Well, if nothing else, it proves that Saren is allied with the geth,” Ambassador Udina said heavily. “I’ll get a specialist to prove that the voice is Saren’s and maybe try and identify the other voice. I’ll also speak to the Council, see about getting an appeal date.”

“Thank you,” I said.

“Meanwhile, you should speak to Commander Anderson and tell him to delay your departure,” he continued. “And for God’s sake, lay low. You’ve drawn enough scrutiny as it is.”

Garrus’ omnitool beeped. “Spirits, I’m for it now,” he mumbled, glancing down at it. “I have to go, I’m late for work. Where are you staying?”  
I gave him Commander Anderson’s address. He nodded and left at a run. “What about you, Tali?” I asked as we left the embassy. “Where are you sleeping?”

“This turian shelter on Miana Ward,” Tali said. “It isn’t so bad.”

“No bloody way are you going back there, not with Saren’s army out to kill you,” Kaidan snapped. “She can stay with us at Anderson’s can’t she?”

“Sure,” I said, privately wondering what Commander Anderson’s reaction to having an alien stay with us would be. “Let’s go though. I’m in serious need of a comfortable bed.”

.....

Commander Anderson’s reaction was surprisingly positive. His only remark was “So, it’s your fault I’m not in the great expanse yet?”

“Well, excuse me for trying to protect the galaxy from rogue Spectres and killer synthetics,” was Tali’s quick response. I decided I liked her.

Garrus came to the apartment that evening just before dinner. “So, catch any bad guys today?” I asked jokingly, after having introduced him to Kasuumi, Joker and Commander Anderson, who were sitting with Kaidan, Ash and me in the living room.

“Well, Fist’s body showed up in the Presidium lakes earlier today,” Garrus said.

“Wrex?” I asked. For some reason, I felt upset by this.

“Most likely,” Garrus said. “I’ve brought him in for questioning, although I doubt we’ll charge him with anything. He’s very good at this sort of thing.”

“You mean this has happened before?” Kaidan asked.

“Oh yes, Wrex is a very well-known member of the Bloodpack mercenaries,” Garrus said. “He’s often suspected of being involved in murders here. Unfortunately, he’s a very good mercenary, and we’ve never been able to actually prove anything. Not that it matters. I’ve been fired from the force,” he said to my questioning look.

“Oh,” I said. “I’m sorry. Was it because of what we did last night?”

“No,” he said. “Well yes, the fact that I forged the executor’s signature to get Wrex out was related, but this has been a long time coming. Actually, I’m surprised it took them this long. Anyway, the main thing that’s worrying me is telling Nyxerus. She’ll give birth to a farm animal.”

What? It took me a while to understand what he meant. “Right,” I said, trying not to sound too amused. “Good luck with that.”

“Thanks,” Garrus said mildly sourly. “I’ll probably get posted back to the Fleet, but I’ll come by to say farewell before I leave.”

“Sure thing,” I said. I held my hand out, which he shook. “Thanks for helping out last night,” I said. “At least now I know that there’s a good chance for Saren to be found guilty.”

“It was my genuine pleasure,” he said. I detected a note of laughter in his voice. “Stay out of trouble.”

.....

The new court date was announced a week from that day. A few days before the court case, Wrex showed up at the apartment to say that he’d been released, and that he’d be sticking around on the Citadel until after the case had been heard.

On the day of the case I woke up at close to four in the morning with a dry mouth and a pounding heart. I tried going back to sleep, but it soon became abundantly clear that sleep (along with Elvis) had left the building. I decided to get up and have some coffee.

The kitchen was not empty, as I’d expected. Instead, Commander Anderson was sitting at the counter, staring into his mug. For some reason, I’d been noticing a change in Commander Anderson’s behaviour towards me since the night Ash, Kaidan and I had teamed up with Garrus, Tali and Wrex. In fact, his attitude had been positively chilly.

He looked up and saw me. “What’s the matter, Ken, can’t sleep?” he asked. “Tomorrow’s a school day, so you have to try.”

“Very funny,” I said. “Is there any coffee left?”

He nodded at the pot, and I poured myself some. “Why are you up?” I asked, sitting down opposite him.

“I rarely sleep for long when we’re on land,” he said.

“I hate to break it to you, but we’re not technically on land,” I said.

“I don’t tend to waste time with technicalities,” he said impatiently. “I can’t see stars when I look out a window. That usually clinches it for me.”

“Right,” I said. I hesitated. “Have I done something to upset you? And don’t give me that ‘I tend to disappoint you by breathing’ bullshit, I’m being serious here.”

He glared at me. “Fine, I’ll lay it on you if that’s what you want,” he snapped. “What you did the other night, teaming up with Vakarian and that krogan, Urdnot whatever his name is, was dangerous. Especially since you didn’t tell anyone where you were. Lord knows what could have happened.”

“What are you saying?” I asked slowly.

“Ken, aliens are not our friends,” he said. “Yes, they can be useful allies, particularly since the majority are far more powerful than we are, but they can’t ever be our friends.”

“You’re the last person I would have expected racism from,” I said.

“It’s not racism, it’s common sense,” he snapped. “It-actually, never mind.”

“What?” I asked impatiently.

“You hardly listen to anything I say anymore,” he said angrily. “Why should I go on?”

“Fine by me,” I snapped. “I’m going back to bed.”

“Good,” he snapped back. “You need your beauty sleep for your meeting with the Council tomorrow morning.”

I stormed back to the room I was sharing with Ash and Tali, resisting the temptation to slam the door. No need to wake the entire household.

Naturally, I did not fall back asleep again.

.....

The next morning, I told Ash and Kaidan what had happened. “Oh Jane, he’s not being racist,” Ash sighed, shaking her head. We were washing the dishes (the dishwasher was on the fritz and Commander Anderson flat out refused to have a mech come in and do the dishes for us).

“Of course you’d say that,” I said impatiently.

“This has nothing to do with me,” Ash said. “He’s worried about you. And he right, what we did was stupid, not only because Vakarian and Wrex are aliens. It’d have been just as stupid if they’d been humans. No one knew where we were, and we had no backup. The shit could easily have hit the fan.”

“That’s ridiculous,” I said. “He’s not worried about me. He hates me.”

Ash sighed again. “No he doesn’t,” she said. “When you were injured on Akuze, he had you come stay with him to recover. He nominated you for ICT. He made you his XO for heaven’s sake. He wants you to succeed.”

“Remember what rule number one is on his ship?” Kaidan asked. “No one takes over his command unless he is physically incapable of going out in the field. What happened the very first mission we got?”

“He gave me command,” I said. “But that might have had something to do with Nihlus needing to assess me.”

Kaidan snorted. “Do you honestly think one turian Spectre would be enough to get Anderson to relinquish his control?” he asked scornfully. “Nah, Ash’s right. He wants you to succeed.”

“But the more you succeed, the more you leave him behind,” Ash continued. “And you of all people know how hard it is to let go.”

“But-,” I began, but couldn’t think of a plausible argument.

“Will you three fish wives, oh pardon me Ken, two fish wives and one fish husband get on with the bloody dishes?” Commander Anderson called from the next room. “We’re going to be late for our date with the Council.”

.....

We met Garrus and Wrex next to the relay monument. “I never liked this statue,” Wrex said, scowling at the monument.

No one actually knew what the monument symbolised. It was one of the few things that had been left over by the protheans when the asari had first landed on the Citadel. It was a scaled-down, perfect replication of a mass relay. Art analysts from all over the galaxy had travelled to the Citadel to try and work out what the monument meant, but it still remained a mystery. A statue of a mass relay, sitting in the middle of the galaxy’s capital.

“You don’t?” Tali asked, sounding surprised.

“Nope,” Wrex said. “Prefer the Krogan Memorial. It’s more…impressive.” The Krogan Memorial had been built after the rachni wars, more than four thousand years ago in honour of the krogan assistance in ending the war.

“Yes, well, you would,” Garrus mumbled.

In the elevator, Garrus turned to Tali. “You know, this is all your fault,” he told her.

“Pardon me?” Tali asked politely.

“Your people invented the geth,” he said. “If they hadn’t done that, we wouldn’t be in this mess. I hope you feel suitably contrite.”

“Sure,” Tali said boredly. “If your people feel contrite for unleashing the genophage on the krogan. And just so we’re clear, I’m the reason this court case is going to be won, so I’d keep quiet now.”

“I really like you,” Wrex said appreciatively. “Will you marry me?”

“Nope,” Tali said. “I would be sorry, but I just don’t feel like it. Also, turian, accusing people of crimes committed centuries before the person in question was born is not a good way to win friends. Think it over.”

At that point, I decided to break the tension by passing out. I came to with Kaidan bent over me, trying to take my pulse.

“Are you ok?” Ash asked anxiously, seeing my eyes open.

“Yeah,” I mumbled. I’d bitten my tongue and I had a headache. “What happened?”

“You collapsed,” Kasuumi said, her face white. “It looked like you were having a fit. What’s a Ravek?”

“No clue,” I said, sitting up. “Why are you asking that now?”

“You kept saying that,” Zaeed said. “’Ravek…insert weird hissing noise here…ravek’. Even by your standards it was fucking strange.”

“Right,” I said. “I was just having the visions again. Nothing major to worry about.”

The Council was waiting for us in the Chamber, along with Ambassador Udina. “Saren Arterus left the Citadel just after the previous court case,” Councillor Tarquin said, sounding mildly annoyed. “Efforts have been made to ask him to return, but he states that he’s busy with a case and cannot afford to return at this moment.”

“Because of this, will be trying Saren in absentia,” Councillor Valern said. I wondered idly if they rehearsed before coming out to talk to us. They probably did. There was no way their timing could be that flawless on its own.

“Ambassador Udina, if you would begin,” Councillor Asheel said.

Ambassador Udina ran through our investigation, then presented our forensic expert, a salarian by the name of Morlan Veshra. He stated (using many big words that I didn’t understand) that the male voice in the recording was definitely Saren’s.

“Did you manage to confirm who the female voice belongs to?” Councillor Asheel asked.

“Yes, Madam Councillor,” Morlan Veshra said. “Voice belongs to asari matriarch, Matriarch Benazea G’Soni.”

“Are you certain?” Councillor Asheel asked.

“Hundred per cent certainty impossible, even with best technology,” he answered, nodding his head several times. “However, am more than reasonably certain that voice belongs to Benazea G’Soni.”

It was hard to tell what Councillors Valern and Tarquin were thinking, but Councillor Asheel’s face looked troubled. “Let’s vote,” Councillor Valern said.

A turian clerk handed out datapads. It seemed to take the Councillors far longer to come to a decision. Eventually, Councillor Tarquin handed his datapad over to the clerk. She glanced down at them. “The Council finds in favour of the plaintiff,” she said in a clear voice. “Saren Arterus’ Spectre status is hereby revoked, and Saren Arterus is now considered an enemy of the Council, and all species under its protection.”

Zaeed gave a loud whoop. “Ha, we told you so,” he crowed. “In your face.”

“Commander Anderson, please control your men,” Ambassador Udina said in a low voice.

“Yes sir,” Commander Anderson said promptly. “Masaad, sit the fuck down and keep your mouth shut.”

Councillor Asheel seemed to be appraising me. “Thank you, Mr Veshra,” Councillor Tarquin said, a clear dismissal. Morlan Veshra bowed his head and left.

“Major Shepard, if you had not continued your investigation, we would not have found out that Saren had gone rogue,” Councillor Asheel said. “You showed all the traits that makes humanity stand apart from the other species: tenacity, bravery and loyalty.”

She seemed to expect an answer from me. “Well, I didn’t do it alone,” I said. Commander Anderson tramped hard on my foot. “Ouch, I mean, yes Madam Councillor.” I scowled at Commander Anderson whose expression was alarmingly smug.

“It is basic protocol that when a Spectre goes rogue, we send another Spectre to bring him or her in,” Councillor Asheel continued.

“You cannot be serious, Asheel,” Councillor Tarquin said, sounding mildly furious (i.e. angry). Councillor Valern seemed to be nodding approvingly.

Still it didn’t twig. It only became clear when Councillor Asheel said, “Major Shepard, for the outstanding performance we saw from you on this investigation, and previous excellent service, we’re willing to offer you a place on the Spectres as humanity’s first human Spectre.”

.....

I think I was speechless for about fifteen minutes afterwards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyy Ash is back. Also, I honestly can't remember why I made Garrus married or expecting a child. Drama I guess.


	5. October to November: the club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane gets sworn in as a Spectre, travels to Zhu's Hope to follow up on a lead and has a falling out with Kaidan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for self-harm, suicide ideation and discussion of child abuse.
> 
> The chapter has the most divergence from the cannon and is honestly nothing like the Zhu's Hope mission in the game. It's also 22 000 words long, so grab a hot beverage and a snack, and make yourselves comfortable because this is yet another long ride.

I said yes, of course. I’d have been a bloody fool not to. Ambassador Udina was naturally over the moon. He left the Council Chamber at a run, crying that he had ‘so much to arrange’.

“Not even a thank you,” Zaeed mumbled. “Fucking politicians.”

“Congratulations, Major,” Commander Anderson said formally, but there was a glint of laughter in his eyes. And something else. I don’t think I was imagining it as pride.

“Thanks,” I said.

“Just don’t get all snooty on me,” he said.

“Snooty?” I asked. “Moi?”

“Oh shut the hell up, boy,” he snapped. “You’re an idiot.”

“I know,” I said. “So, do I get a hug?”

He snorted. “Fuck no, who do you think I am?” he asked.

…..

I invited every single person I knew to the swearing in ceremony, and some of those I didn’t. I wasn’t going to admit it to anyone, but this was one of the most exciting and proudest moments of my life, and I wanted to share it with as many people as I could.

“So, you’re coming to my swearing in ceremony?” I asked Ash. “It’s next week.”

She gave me a look. “Nah,” she said sarcastically.

“Don’t forget it’s my swearing in ceremony next week,” I told Zaeed.

“How the fuck am I supposed to forget with you going on about it every five minutes?” Zaeed snapped, before taking off for the arcade.

This was total bullshit. I only mentioned the swearing in ceremony every half an hour.

The day after our meeting with the Council I received an email from my grandparents saying they were proud of me, but they couldn’t possibly be able to afford to travel to the Citadel twice in three months. They then went on to discuss the holiday they were planning on taking to the asari colony, Illium, where they’d be staying in a luxury resort. I didn’t care. I’d only ever seen my grandparents once a year, unless there was a family emergency, like the year my great uncle Justin had died. More than once a year sounded too much like ritual torture.

The afternoon before the swearing in ceremony, we had a rehearsal for the swearing-in ceremony. I was suddenly intimidated when I saw the nineteen other soon-to-be Spectres. They were all of the Council species, and were much bigger and stronger than I was. I hid in the back and tried not to be noticed. I spied some of the other, more famous Spectres milling around, including Gatatog Dahg, the first ever krogan Spectre, and Nayra Baratin, the commanding officer of the Citadel Fleet’s flagship, the Destiny Ascension.

After the rehearsal, I had a meeting with the Joint Military Council, Ambassador Udina and Commander Anderson. They had already gathered in a boardroom in the embassy, and gave me a standing ovation when I walked in. Well, everyone, except Commander Anderson, who scowled at me.

I was rather surprised by their reaction. I had not been held in high esteem by the Joint Military Council. Apart from Admiral Hackett, whose booty call I’d been for a couple of months when I was a teenager.

“Congratulations, Shepard,” Admiral Mikhailovich said, shaking my hand.

“Uh, ok,” I said, slightly nervously. “Sorry, I’m used to you threatening me with death whenever we talk.”

“Not this time,” he laughed. “Take a seat.”

I sat down between Admiral Kahoku, the artillery admiral, and Commander Anderson. “Now, the first order of business, the guest list for tomorrow,” Ambassador Udina said. “The Prime Minister as well as just about every minister in Parliament have arrived on the Citadel. Journalists from the ANN have also arrived, and I believe the ceremony will be broadcast live and will be compulsory viewing for everyone in the Alliance.” The ANN was the Alliance News Network. “Furthermore, several of the Alliance’s top investors including Fen Dranne and Nicholas Annelaous will be there, and I believe Marian Sempere, Danielle Schere and Gary Santiago will also be attending.”

Gulp. I was hit by a sudden attack of stage fright.

“That seems like a fair guest list,” Admiral Barishka, the air-force admiral, remarked. “What of the after-party?”

“The after-party is generally well-stocked,” Ambassador Udina said. “I’d recommend attending the one held by the Council. We don’t want to step on any toes.”

“Now, the second order of business,” Admiral Mikhailovich said, clapping his hands together. “Commander Shepard’s ship.”

“My what?” I asked.

“You’ll need a ship of your own if you’re going to be a Spectre,” Admiral Hackett laughed. “You won’t be expected to answer to anyone.”

“Right, of course,” I said. “Spectres are above the law.”

“What do you think of the Normandy, Shepard?” Admiral Mikhailovich asked.

“It’s a great ship,” I said. “I’ll be sad to leave it, but hey, if I get my own ship it won’t-wait a minute.” I’d just realised what he’d said. “You can’t be serious,” I said angrily. “The Normandy is Commander Anderson’s ship. He was asked to command it because he’s the best officer in the corps. You can’t take it away from him.”

“Now, Commander Shepard, we all need to play our part,” Admiral Mikhailovich said blithely. “Commander Anderson’s part on the front lines has come to an end, unfortunately.”

“This is bullshit,” I cried, springing up furiously. “He’s a fucking hero, you can’t just force him out.”

“Ken,” Commander Anderson said quietly. “It’s ok.”

“No it isn’t,” I snapped. “You deserve more, sir.”

“Ken,” he said. “Sit down.”

“I don’t like this, Anderson,” I said.

“You don’t have to like it, Ken,” he said, sounding exhausted. “But, thanks for the sentiment.”

“Are you done with the histrionics, Shepard?” Admiral Mikhailovich asked.

“For now,” I said. “Let’s see what else you have.”

“Service Chief Alesindro will also be reassigned, but you can keep Operations Chief Dranne, Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, Gunnery Chief Luco De Valentino and Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko,” Admiral Hackett said. “Furthermore, we’ll leave your naval and air force staff intact.”

“The crew knows you Ken,” Commander Anderson said. “They trust you.”

I nodded. “Anything else?” I asked.

“Obviously, after this you will no longer be under Alliance jurisdiction,” Admiral Kahoku said. “You are still human however, and we will be expecting you to help out whenever you are able.”

“Sure,” I said. “If it doesn’t hamper with my investigation of Saren.”

“Your staff however are still Alliance operatives, and we expect you to follow the correct protocols where necessary,” Admiral Foster said.

“Got it,” I said.

“Very well, then Shepard, that is it,” Admiral Mikhailovich said smoothly. “You’ve done us proud, Commander.”

“Wait, I’m a commander now?” I asked.

“You have your own ship now,” he said. “Of course you’re a commander.”

“Ha,” I said to Commander Anderson. “Told you it would happen eventually.”

“Yes, Ken, and I told you I’d leave the fleet if you ever became commander,” he answered, his lips twitching.

Rats, so he had. “Now, suffice it to say, Commander Shepard, we’ll be watching closely,” Admiral Mikhailovich said. “Should you do anything to disappoint or embarrass humanity, the consequences will be most dire.”

Because I couldn’t have a conversation with Admiral Mikhailovich without him threatening me with something awful.

I saluted for what I hoped would be the last time in my career. “Yes sir,” I said.

Outside the boardroom I made three calls. As I was about to return to the apartment, a voice called, “Ken, wait.”

It was Commander Anderson. Obviously. “What is it?” I asked.

“What you did in there, the way you stood up for me,” he said. He seemed to be struggling with words. “Thank you. You didn’t have to.”

“You’re welcome,” I said.

“You’re going to be a shit commander,” he told me as we left the embassy.

“Probably,” I said. “I got this far with minimal loss of life though.”

“That you did,” he said.

We were rudely interrupted by a ruddy-faced, blonde man, who jumped in front of us. “Oh my god, Major Shepard,” he gasped. “Major Jane Shepard.”

“Hey,” I said cautiously. “Um, it’s commander now.”

“I knew it,” he said excitedly. “I knew you’d be promoted. You’re amazing.”

“Thanks,” I said, getting more and more worried. “I have the tendency to amaze.”

“My name’s Conrad Werner,” he said. “I’m your biggest fan.” He stared at me with big eyes. “My mates will be so impressed I met you. You’re to be the first human Spectre! Not that I’m surprised.”

“Really?” I asked. “I was pretty surprised when they told me.”

“You’re the hero of Akuze and the Skyllian Blitz,” Conrad Werner said.

“Poor man,” Commander Anderson said. “He’s delusional.”

“Can I have your autograph?” Conrad Werner asked. “Please? My friends will not believe I spoke to you.”

“Uh, sure,” I said.

“Careful, Ken,” Commander Anderson said warningly. “This is how my ex-wife divorced me.”

“I’m not seeing anyone at the moment,” I said. “I should be fine.”

Conrad handed me his datapad and I deposited my signature on it. “Thank you, Commander,” he said breathlessly. “I’ll treasure this forever.”

“Uh, good,” I said. “Well, um, I should go.”

…..

Garrus and Wrex were waiting for me when I got back to the apartment like I had asked.

“What’s the problem, Shepard?” Garrus asked mildly curiously. “You sounded a bit desperate in the call.”

“The three of us need to talk,” I said. “Come on.”

I turfed Zaeed and Navigator Pressley out of the study, and shut the door. “I’ve been given the command of the Normandy,” I said.

“Congratulations,” Wrex said. “What do you want us here for?”

“Well, I have two vacancies that have suddenly opened on the ship, on my marine squad,” I said. “I was wondering if the two of you would like to fill the spots.”

“Why us?” Garrus asked mildly cautiously.

“Well, from what I know about you two, your combat skills are exemplary,” I said. “And you were both there when I needed you most. And also as an almost-Spectre, I can employ aliens, and I have always wanted to know what it’s like to work with other species.”

The door opened and Tali walked. “Hey guys, what’s happening?” she asked, sitting in a vacant seat.

“Tali, this is kind of important, so could you-?” I began.

“I’ll do it,” Wrex announced. “Fuck, serving on a human ship would be an interesting experience, if nothing else.”

“Me too,” Garrus said. “I don’t owe the Hierarchy anything.”

“Wait, you’re asking them to join your crew?” Tali asked.

I sighed. “I have two openings,” I said.

“Cool,” she said. “I’ll come too.”

“Tali, no,” I said.

“Why not?” she asked obstinately.

“You’re a kid for Christ’s sake,” I snapped. “I can’t take you with, it’s too dangerous.”

“I’d like to remind you that I have already taken out a geth, been shot, and been attacked by a squad of mercenaries, and I’m still standing here,” Tali snapped back. “I know how to handle myself.”

“But what about your whatchamacallit,” I said. “Your Pilgrimage.”

“My people built the geth, which means, as Garrus so kindly pointed out, that we’re at least partly responsible for what’s happening,” Tali shouted angrily. “I have to do what I can to solve this. The stupid Pilgrimage can wait until after we’ve stopped Saren.”

“But-,” I began.

“If you say no, I’ll stow away aboard your ship, and then you’ll be stuck with me,” she threatened.

I sighed, defeated. “Fine,” I said. “But you’d better pull your fucking weight. I’m not running a luxury liner.”

“Deal,” she said. “When do we leave?”

“Day after tomorrow,” I said. “Well, sol day after tomorrow, um.”

“We’re on the same time,” Tali said impatiently. “I’ll go pack.”

She left. “I like her,” Wrex announced. “She’s feisty, like our women.”

…..

Ash managed to coerce me into having her and Kasuumi put makeup on my face for the swearing-in ceremony. “I don’t like this, Williams,” I said darkly.

“Stop being so bloody melodramatic,” Ash said.

“No, go with black eye shadow,” Kasuumi said. “It’ll make her eyes pop more.”

“Dranne, I like the way you think,” Ash said. “Trust me, Janey, you’re going to look amazing when we’re through with you.”

“No I won’t,” I muttered. When they permitted me to look in the mirror, I looked exactly as I had expected: like a little girl playing around with her mother’s makeup.

“You look beautiful,” Ash sighed.

“Stunning,” Kasuumi agreed.

“No I don’t, I look horrid,” I said.

Zaeed peeped around the door. “Hey Shep, what’s that on your face?” he asked, grinning.

“See?” I said. “The Council will see me and laugh.”

Kaidan came in. “Are you girls nearly ready, the taxi’s wait-,” he paused, his eyes on my face in the mirror. “Wow,” he said softly. “Wow, Jane, you look gorgeous, eh?”

“If Kaidan thinks so, you know it’s true,” Ash said triumphantly.   
“Wasn’t that slightly inappropriate?” Kasuumi asked.

“Oh shut your pie hole, Dranne,” Ash said. “Come on, Jane, are you ready?”

“Not even remotely,” I said. “Let’s go.”

…..

The swearing in ceremony was held in the Council Chambers. All the new Spectres as well as the old Spectres who were able to make it to the Citadel in time marched in from the back to a tune that sounded remarkably like Pomp and Circumstance, but that was actually an ancient asari piece. As I marched, I became aware of how full the Chamber was. It was almost quite literally packed to the rafters by members of all species. I was hit with an attack of stage fright. My knees trembled, my hands were clammy, and I was almost certain I was sweating all my makeup off. The new Spectres then sat in the front row whilst the Spectre supervisor, a forbidding-looking turian by the name of Daryn Jaxyn, read out the long and tedious history of the Spectres. Then the new Spectres were called up to the dais one by one to shake hands with the Council, Daryn Jaxyn, and members of their own government. I nearly tripped over my feet as I walked up to the dais, but there were loud cheers when my name was called. The Prime Minister smiled warmly as she shook my hand and said, “Congratulations, Commander Shepard.” Clearly she had forgotten our previous meeting where I had sworn at her and pretty much implied that she was a coward.

“Thanks,” I said, grinning like a loon.

Then it was time for us to swear our oath to the Spectres. We were led by Jondam Bau, an old salarian Spectre that had to be past his prime.

“’I swear before my government, the Council, and my fellow Spectres, as well as all our honoured guests,” we chanted in unison. “I was not trained for this role, I was chosen. I am one who has been forged in the fire of service and battle. My actions have elevated me above the rank and file. I am an ideal, a symbol, an embodiment of skill, determination, and self-reliance. I will be the right-hand of the Council. I will be an instrument of their will. I will bear the burden of my role. I will be a protector of galactic peace. I am the galaxy’s first and last line of defence. The galaxy’s safety is mine to uphold.”

There were loud cheers when we had finished. “As is customary, there will be a small celebration downstairs in the reception room,” Jondam Bau said when the cheers had died down. “Invited to join in.”

The moment I stepped off the dais, I was mobbed by people wanting to congratulate me. And not just humans, I noticed. There were an unusually large number of aliens standing in the group as well. As I thanked everyone for their congratulations, I looked around, for the few people that I actually wanted to see. I spotted them standing at the edge of the room.

“Thank you,” I said to the asari maiden trying desperately to kiss me. “No, I don’t want to kiss you, you look like you’re barely out of school. Excuse me.”

I pushed through and made my way to where my friends and relatives were standing. “Oh Janey,” Ash said, throwing her arms around me.

“Were you crying earlier?” I asked, hugging her back.

“Maybe,” she laughed, stepping back. “I’m so proud of you, Janey. You’ve done so well for yourself.”

Kaidan hugged me next, then Auntie Jen. “Oh Jane, look at you,” she said. She also looked like she’d been crying. “You’re all grown up. Your parents would have been so proud.”

I kissed Jason’s forehead. “Well done, Shay,” he said, quietly smiling.

Kasuumi surprised me by hugging me as well. Zaeed shook my hand. “Hey Shep, you’re probably the most important human in the galaxy now,” he laughed.

“Yup,” I said, grinning. “Means you have to do exactly as I fucking say, Zaeed. I can kill you for no reason.”

I turned lastly to Commander Anderson. He held his hand out to me, and I shook his hand. “Well done, Commander,” he said formally, clapping me on the shoulder. 

“Thanks,” I said, surprised. “Well, shall we go party?”

…..

In the reception room, I walked around, thanking all the human bignobs for their loyalty and support. I was basically lying, since I’d never seen most of the people before in the flesh in my life. It was quite exciting meeting Marian Sempere (humanities greatest female actor. She was gorgeous, with large blue eyes, and blonde and pink hair), and I was over the moon to meet Gary Santiago (the lead actor in Alvin and Bim, my favourite TV series, depicting the unlikely romance between a human man and a male volus). By far, the most interesting person I met however was Fen Dranne, the Alliance’s biggest investor, owner of Dranne Incorporated, Kasuumi’s father, and Jason’s boss and sponsor.

He was of medium height, wiry, with luminous green skin, big, dark, frog-like eyes, a small blunt nose and full lips.

“Commander Shepard,” he said in the raspy voice that was common to all drell. “It is an honour to finally meet you. Your brother has spoken a great deal of you.”

“The honour is mine, Mr Dranne,” I said, shaking his hand. “I’m afraid Jason is quite secretive about you.”

“That is good to hear,” he said. “It is advised that my staff do not speak much of me. I have many enemies, and they will exploit whatever weaknesses they may uncover.”

“Of course,” I said. “I was quite surprised when I heard that you were sponsoring Jason.”

“It was not surprising at all,” he answered. “His aptitude scores were significantly higher than any human of his age. Further tests showed that his intelligence were above most of the people in my employment. I am a good investor.”

“Yeah, he’s definitely the smartest of us Shepards,” I said.

“He is an incredible young man,” he agreed. “I’m having him run the Citadel branch of Dranne Incorporated.”

“He said,” I said.

He smiled. “Well, Commander, you have many more fans to meet,” he said. “Good luck for the future, and look after my daughter.”

“I will,” I said. “If you look after my brother.”

I wandered over to where Garrus, Wrex and Tali were standing. “Commander,” Tali said loudly, waiving a foul smelling glass around. “You’re here. Congratulations on…uh…whatever it is that you managed to do.”

“Is she drunk?” I asked, frowning. Garrus shrugged. “Tali, how the hell are you even getting drunk?”

“Very carefully,” she slurred. “Drinking…hic…drinking turian Horax, triple distilled and introduced into the suit through an emergency induction port.”

I examined the glass. “Tali, that’s a straw,” I said.

“Emergency…induction…port,” she repeated dreamily. “It’s actually getting a lot harder to get it into the hole. I think that means it’s working.”

“Poor kid,” Wrex said. “That’s her first glass. This is the first time she’s drinking.”

“I’m not a kid,” Tali slurred angrily. “I’m…hic…dangerous. You’d better be careful of me, krogan.”

“Right,” I said. “Don’t let her have any more. We fly out tomorrow, and I know from experience that a hang-over is not a fun experience.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Tali snapped.

“And most importantly, good luck,” I said.

“Have fun,” Garrus said.

I snagged another glass of champagne from a passing waiter and tried to find my friends. “Looking for anyone in particular, princess?” a deep voice asked from my side.

I turned to find Gatatog Dahg standing next to me. He was slightly smaller than Wrex, but not much, and his skin was closer to brown than to red.

“Not really,” I said.

“Good,” Dahg said. “Then let me be the first to welcome you to the club.”

“What club?” I asked stupidly.

Dahg gave a low grunt. “Maybe you are as stupid as you look,” he said. “The Spectre club, you stupid pyjack.”

“Oh,” I said. “In that case, you’re not the first.”

“But we both are,” Dahg said. “We’re the first Spectres of our species. And let me tell you, princess, being window-dressing is no fun.”

“I’m not window-dressing,” I protested. “I have an important mission.”

“Yeah, to bring Saren in, dead or alive, I know,” Dahg said. “Good luck with that by the way.”

“Thanks,” I said, annoyed. “Anything else?”

“Yup,” he said. “Enjoy the party.”

I scowled and walked off. What an ass.

I eventually found Ash and Kaidan standing in a corner, gossiping. “Oh, by the way, Jane, Lisa’s pissed that you didn’t invite her to this do,” Kaidan told me.

“Listen up, Alenko, I was not responsible for this guest list,” I said, beginning on my fourth glass of champagne. By now I was feeling pleasantly light headed. “How do you suppose they get the bubbles in this?” I asked them.

“Hanar burps,” Ash giggled.

“No more for you then, Williams,” I said, staring at her.

“Oh god, why am I always stuck with the fucking drunk girls,” Kaidan mumbled.

“You don’t have to be,” I said cheer. “You can go hang with, um, Anderson and Masaad.”

“I’ll pass,” Kaidan said.

“Pardon me, Commander,” a voice said from behind me. I turned, and came almost nose-to-nose with a camera.

“Hello there,” I said.

A dark-haired woman stepped past the camera. “Khalisa bin-Senan al Jelani, Alliance News Network,” she said. “I was wondering if I could have a word.”

“Come on, Ash, the commander’s busy,” Kaidan laughed. I glared furiously at him. Ash let out a loud cackle, and followed him away.

“Go ahead,” I sighed.

“Firstly, congratulations,” Khalisa said. “This is a huge achievement, both for you and the rest of humanity.”

“Thanks,” I said. “Although I think I did do most of the work. Humanity just happens to be the same species as me.”

“Right,” she said. “Of course, you have achieved a great deal in your young life. And now you’ve been given the responsibility of representing humanity to the rest of the galaxy. I’m just wondering if this is wise, given your youth.”

“Uh,” I frowned, my befuddled brain trying to make sense of what she had said. “Shouldn’t you be asking the Council that question? The allowed me onto the Spectres in the first place.”

“Of course, but I wanted to know your opinion about whether you’re ready or not,” Khalisa said.

“I don’t think it matters what I think,” I said. “I have been given a huge responsibility, both by the Alliance and the Council. I have to step up to that responsibility. Humanity’s great leaders didn’t sit around at home thinking ‘I’m not ready for this’. At least not for long. They rose to the challenge. I need to do the same.”

“Implying that you are a great leader,” Khalisa said.

I shrugged. “You said it, not me,” I said.

She smiled thinly. “Very well, Commander Shepard, you’ve been given the command of the Alliance’s greatest war ship, the SSV Normandy SR1,” she said. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Sure,” I said. “She was co-designed by the turians and the humans, incorporating the best engineering designs from both species. She is truly a dream ship. I can’t wait to get back onto her.” This at least was the truth.

“Indeed, Commander, but there are many in the Alliance that believe that she has been, let us say, handed over to the Council,” Khalisa said smoothly.

“Wait, she’s been handed over?” I asked in mock horror. “To aliens? Why did no one tell me?” She waited. I sighed. “Look, I’m commanding the Normandy, and as far as I know, I still bleed red. It’s true, I will have alien crew members, but that is because they’ll help me with the case I’m busy running.”

“On that note, Commander, there are rumours that your first case is the impossible task of bringing in a rogue Spectre?” she looked questioningly at me.

“You honestly think I’m going to answer that question?” I asked incredulously. “No to the comment.”

She seemed disappointed. To bloody bad for her then. “Very well, thank you very much indeed, Commander,” she said, holding her hand out for me to shake. “I’m sure I don’t need to say that the eyes of the Alliance are on you.”

“Not as much as they are on you, am I right?” I laughed. “Geddit? Cos you’re on TV.” She shook her head and left.

…..

I was up very early the next morning to go to the Spectre department in the Citadel tower to receive my dossier on Saren and to be assigned an office.

“We’re very proud to have you here, Shepehd,” Daryn Jaxyn told me.

“Thanks, proud to be here sir,” I said. “Just an aside, it’s pronounced Shep-erd, not Shep-ard.” Turians tended to pronounce the ‘ar’ sound as ‘eh’.

He ignored me. I was used to it, so I let it slide. “This way to your office,” he said, leading me down a corridor lined with doors.

He pushed one of the doors open. The office was small and cramped, with a large framed picture of the Council on the one wall (Councillor Tarquin had a moustache drawn on his face), and three small desks with terminals on them. Two of the desks were empty, but the third was occupied by the now familiar face of Gatatog Dahg.

“Sir,” Dahg grunted, not looking up from his terminal.

“Dahg, how’s the investigation on the salarian spy ring doing?” Daryn Jaxyn asked.

“Fine,” Dahg said. “I’ve nearly tracked down all the junior members.”

“Keep at it,” Daryn Jaxyn said. “Where’s Salmina?”

Dahg gave him a scornful look. “Working,” he said.

“Right, well, Shepehd, make yourself at home,” Daryn Jaxyn said. “Here’s the dossier on Saren,” he handed me a datapad, “and the Spectre playbook,” he handed me another. “It’s very important that you read and internalise it to your very fibre.”

“I thought we were above the law,” I said.

“A group with no morals would do very poorly in the galaxy,” Daryn Jaxyn said. “This playbook is what separates us from the criminals we protect the galaxy from. Anyway, good luck, Shepehd.”

“Shep-erd,” I corrected, but he had already left.

“That desk’s yours,” Dahg said, nodding at my desk.

“Thanks, but I should go,” I said. “My ship leaves in about two hours.”

Daryn Jaxyn stuck his head around the door. “Oh by the way, Shepehd, protocol states that you have to have a senior Spectre with you until he, or in this case, she thinks you are capable of working on your own,” he said.

“What?” I asked in surprise. “The last time I had a Spectre travel with me, he ended up dead.”

“We are aware of this, Shepehd, and we have the utmost confidence in your abilities,” Daryn Jaxyn said. He stood aside so that an asari matron who looked as though she was in her late thirties (or, as it were, her late three hundreds) walked in. She surveyed me with alarmingly pale grey eyes. “This is Teela Vasire. She was Saren’s partner, but she is now committed to bringing him to justice.”

“Right,” I said. “Good to meet you.”

“Good to meet you too, Commander,” she said in a surprisingly musical voice. “When do we leave?”

“Like, now,” I said.

“Good,” she said. “Then let’s get to it.”

…..

Jason was closest to the gate when Teela and I rushed into the spaceport board the Normandy. “You came to say goodbye?” I gasped, placing my hands on my knees.

“Well, you were in no shape to do it last night,” Jason said.

I took a hit from my asthma pump. “You know, I can’t actually remember the last few hours,” I said when I had my breath back. “What happened? I didn’t dance, did I?”

“Actually you did,” Jason said. “And I’m afraid the news reporters recorded it. Expect some interesting videos on tonight’s news.”

“Great, just what I need,” I mumbled. “What’s that?” I indicated a cloth-covered, box-appearing something on his lap.

“A gift,” Jason said. “Something to make sure you won’t forget me.” I uncovered it. It was a hamster cage, complete with running wheel, sawdust and hamster. “His name is Tommy,” Jason said. Tommy was his second name.

I kissed the top of his head. “Thank you,” I said. “One problem though.”

“What’s that?” Jason asked.

“I can’t forget you,” I said. “I’d be a terrible older sister if I did.”

He reached his left hand carefully up and linked his thumb around mine. “I love you, Shay,” he said softly. It was the first time he’d ever said that. To anyone, as far as I knew. “Promise me you’ll stay safe.”

“Long as you do too,” I said.

“Yes, because life on the Citadel is so full of intrigue and danger,” he laughed.

“Well, I haven’t had the most warmest of welcomes,” I said. “If you see Anderson, tell him hey for me, alright?”

He nodded. At the gate I turned and waved. As far as I know, he stayed there until I was out of sight.

…..

Once we had passed through the mass relay, I had Greta put the intercom on for me. To be perfectly honest, I was terrified of addressing the crew. In my own very private opinion, I agreed with Khalisa that I was far too young and inexperienced to possibly lead a group of people who were, for the most part, much more experienced than I was. I however also knew that I had to address the crew as soon as possible, to assure them that everything would be as normal as possible on the ship and to let them know what the mission was and what lay in store for us.

“Listen up, crew,” I said. My throat was dry, and my voice came out at a low croak. I cleared my throat and tried again. “Listen up, crew,” I said. “This is Commander Shepard speaking. As you are no doubt aware, the last few weeks have brought about a number of changes aboard this vessel. Commander Anderson has stepped down as CO, at least partly due to the fact that I was made Spectre yesterday. Now, I’m sure you’re all unhappy about this. I know I am. Commander Anderson was a great leader, and I will have a very hard time filling his uggs. Anyway. 

“Since protocol can basically go suck a giant dick now that I’m in charge, and because I believe withholding information about missions is cruel and unnecessary, I’m not going to beat around the bush here. To our alien crew members, this means I’m going to get straight to the point. A Spectre by the name of Saren Arterus has gone rogue, and it is up to us to bring him in. I’m sure I don’t need to say that this information is classified to the highest degree, but I’ll say it anyway. This information is classified to the highest degree, and if there are any leaks, I’ll make you regret it.

“Speaking of the alien crew, I’m sure you’ve all noticed that we have a few guests aboard. Let us all welcome Garrus Vakarian of the turian Hierarchy, Urdnot Wrex of the krogan clans and Tali’Zorah nar Raya of the quarian Flotilla. You will all treat them with respect and dignity and not like whiny racist humans with a chip on your shoulder. Also, as Tali and Garrus are both dextero species, be extra-careful with the mixing of proteins. From now on, all standard operations will happen in protha, owing to the fact that we now work for the Council and have alien crew members. I will brief all relevant department heads on changes, if any, in standard duty.

“Finally, my three rules. I thought long and hard about what they are. I considered things like ‘never say officer on deck in my presence’, or ‘every time you see me you will tell a joke’ or even ‘every time you see me, you will pay me a compliment’. I decided these would all be too hard for you, especially the last one. I have finally settled on ‘do not speak about Akuze unless I bring it up first’, ‘do not point a gun at me unless you want to be shot’, and ‘it is compulsory that music be played on the intercom in the CIC, the Observation Deck and the Engineering Deck at all times unless otherwise stated’. Thank you all very much. Stand fast, stand strong and all that other bullshit. Don’t hesitate to talk to Lieutenant Alenko if you have any major concerns.”

Greta turned the intercom off. “Do you always talk such crap?” she asked me.

I shrugged. “Depends on what you define as crap,” I said.

……

Later that day, I had a meeting with the marines, Greta, Joker and Captain Weissman in the conference room. Joker arrived first. “So, the commander lived through a thousand battles, but gets taken down by backroom politics?” he asked me.

I smiled ruefully. “Seems like,” I said. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked. I was surprised by the question. It had never seemed to me like Joker was in any way interested in me or how I was feeling.

“Um, terrified out of my skull actually,” I said. “I have no idea what I’m doing. Also, and this is really stupid, I feel like I’m stealing the Normandy from Commander Anderson.”

Joker snorted. “Commander Anderson was fucked in the ass by the Alliance, but you shouldn’t feel guilty, ma’am,” he said. “You were only doing your job. If it means anything, my men and I are behind you.”

I felt slightly less worried. I had to show him that I was grateful. “Why are you called Joker?” I asked instead.

He gave a slightly twisted smile. “I like to frighten little children,” he said.

“Pervo,” I mumbled, deciding to drop it.

Captain Weissman and the others arrived soon afterwards. “Thank you for coming,” I said. “Basically, this is just going to be about how service on this ship will proceed and what our next move on the case is going to be.”

“Saren’s got a two week sol head-start on us,” Ash pointed out. “There’s no way we can catch up with him.”

“Which is why we’re not going to try,” I said. “We have no idea where he was headed or what he’s looking for.”

“So, what’s the plan, skipper?” Tali asked.

“Let me run through Saren’s history, then we can take it from there,” I said. This was my way of saying I had no idea. I picked the datapad up. “Let’s see, he was born in year galactic 1899, on the fifth day of the third cycle,” I read. “He was born on Aephus, in the fifth sector. His mother is a journalist, and his father was a, marine, I guess you’d say. He has a younger sister Lyria, who is also a journalist. Saren was raised in the military community home on Aephus from when he was five, training to be a marine. When he was twelve, I guess that’s twelve turian years, a marriage contract was made with the Vaxtres family for their daughter, Harmia. He married her when he was eighteen turian years, as is traditional in turian culture. He left the community home when he was sixteen, serving in the turian Fleet around Shanxi. This was during the time of the First Contact War. His first child, a boy was born when he was nineteen. His daughter was born when he was twenty five. When he was twenty six, he was made a Blackstar. What’s a Blackstar, Garrus?”

“Elite members of our Special Forces,” Garrus said. “Only the best turians get made Blackstars.”

“Were you one?” I asked.

He clicked his tongue. “I’m too much of a trouble maker,” he said.

“Anyway, he joined the Spectres when he was thirty four Tribean years old, serving for six Tribean years now,” I said. “So twelve sol years. Teela?”

“As soon as I was informed he had gone rogue, I checked with his family,” Teela said. “No one’s heard from him in weeks. I asked them to keep me informed. So far, nothing.”

“Ok, well, keep looking,” I said. “Obviously, the ideal is that we find Saren himself, but I’m not going hold my breath on that one.”

“Well, what do we have on his companion?” Greta asked.

“Benazea?” I asked. “Not much. She’s in the Matriarchy, you know, the asari government, serving as political advisor. I’ve written to the Matriarchy to get her files. There’s nothing on the extranet about her. Tali, you know the geth.”

“Not personally,” Tali said.

“Whatever, your people still built them,” I said. “Do you have any idea why they would join with Saren?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know,” she said. “They weren’t very intelligent when we built them. We gave them a hive mind so that they could share knowledge, but they only had enough to understand the tasks they were meant to do. They were by no means sapient.”

“Why did they rebel against your people then?” Joker asked. We all stared at him. He snorted impatiently. “Anything capable of rebelling must have enough intelligence to realise their lot in life sucks.”

“No one knows,” Tali said. “The most common theory is that one of the geth units had an error in its programming leading to it developing too much of an intelligence. This geth then influenced the others to rebel. The less popular theory is that we had rebels in our own society, who reprogrammed the geth.”

“So, they basically have no reason to be with Saren?” Kaidan asked.

“He might have reprogrammed them as well,” Tali said. 

“I’ll try to find a link,” I said.

“And the things they speak about in the recording?” Captain Weissman asked. “The Reapers.”

“The Rea-,” I paused, a realisation hitting me. “Oh,” I whispered. “The Reapers.”

“Jane?” Kaidan asked in concern.

“Oh my God,” I whispered. “Ash, you are brilliant.”

“I know,” Ash said. “Um, why now?”

“Remember Scipio Giovani?” I asked.

“Unfortunately, yes,” Ash said. “What about him?”

“Who are you talking about?” Wrex grunted.

“Guy that we trained with,” I said dismissively. “Remember the night of the Alliance Military Award Evening, when he and his commander blew the place up?”

“Wait, what now?” Kasuumi asked. There had been a media block placed on the event in question, and anyone who hadn’t actually been there at the time knew that it had happened.

“Never mind that now, this is more urgent,” I said. “He said, ‘they make us do things. The turian. The asari. The reapers.’ He was talking about himself and Admiral Greyling.”

“I’m seriously confused,” Luco mumbled.

“So, you’re saying that this Giovani and Greyling were working for Saren and Benazea?” Tali asked.

“And the Reapers, whatever they are,” I said.

“Not necessarily,” Tali said. “Saren said he was looking for information on the Reapers in that recording I found. That means he doesn’t know what they are, and that he thought that the beacon would tell him more about them.”

“What about the Shiala mentioned in the recording?” Kaidan asked.

“I’ll look into it,” Greta said.

I sighed, frustrated. “Maybe it would be useful to find out if there are any links between Saren, Admiral Greyling and Giovani?” I suggested.

“Perhaps,” Kaidan said doubtfully. “I’ll look into it.”

“Thanks,” I said. “I’ll carry on scouring Saren’s personal history. Maybe there’s something there that can explain what Saren’s plan is.” I rubbed my forehead, daunted by the colossal task that lay ahead of us. “Finally, mostly for the aliens’ benefit, these are Captain Cassandra Weissman, our naval CO, and Flight Lieutenant Jeff Morreau, our bridge commander. I know, as commander of the ship, my word is law, but seriously, you guys all know that I’m a fucking kid, and unless I expressly disagree, I will defer to your judgements regarding your corps. Any questions?”

“What do you need me to do?” Garrus asked. 

“Wait for the moment where we need to go into battle,” I said. “Failing that, you were C-Sec. You know how to handle cases. Help Greta, Kaidan and me. In fact, Wrex and Tali can help too.”

“I’ve already found work,” Tali said.

“What?” I asked, distracted. “Where?”

“The engines,” Tali said. “It’s actually really interesting.”

“Right, good,” I said vaguely. “Alright everyone, dismissed.”

I returned to my station, and opened yet another page of Saren’s service history. I had barely read two lines before I was interrupted by Navigator Pressley.

“Pardon me, Commander,” he said nervously. “May I have a word?”

“Of course,” I said, looking up.

“In private,” he said, throwing a meaningful look at where Garrus was standing with Kaidan at the XO station.

I sighed. “Follow me,” I said.

I took him to the conference room. “What’s the issue?” I asked.

“Well, it’s just-do you think it’s wise to have alien nationals poking around on our ship?” he asked, looking at my left foot.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” I asked.

“Well, it’s just, Vakarian’s a turian,” he said. “They look out for their own. And everyone knows quarians and krogan are not to be trusted. The quarian’s already started poking around in our ship’s engines.”

“Turians are one of the Council species,” I said. “Are you saying we shouldn’t trust our allies?”

“Well, if push came to shove, would they stick by us?” Navigator Pressley said.

“They did stick by us,” I pointed out. “The Skyllian War ended because they told the batarians to surrender.”

“Yes, but they’d still look after their own before everyone else,” Navigator Pressley said obstinately.

“Yeah,” I said. “Who wouldn’t?” I sighed. “Y’all need to catch a fucking wake up,” I said tiredly. “Humans are a very small part of the galaxy, and quite insignificant in the grander scheme of things. The only way we’re going to go anywhere is if we actually start forming alliances with the other species. Sorry about the pun, it just sort of happened.”

“But-,” he began.

“But nothing,” I snapped. “Grow the fuck up, Pressley. Stop looking at the aliens as dangerous, and start looking at them as an opportunity. How do you think it looks to the rest of the galaxy if the first human Spectre has alien crew members?”

“Good?” he said after a pause.

“Exactly,” I said. “It looks like we’re willing to cooperate with the Council. Now, you can either start working with them or you can find your way to the airlock.”

He scowled, but saluted. “Aye aye Commander,” he said.

…..

I went down to the engineering deck a while after speaking to Navigator Pressley, partly to check how things were running down there, and partly to see if it was indeed true that Tali had started poking around in the engine. When I got to the engine room, I was greeted by the sight of Engineer Adams giving a very serious-looking Tali a lecture on the stealth system.

“So, in English it’s called the IES, or Internal Emissions Sink,” Engineer Adams was explaining. “You know how each ship’s heat and radiation emission is unique, like a thumbprint?”

“I don’t understand,” Tali said.

“Ship’s engines and drive cores aren’t generic,” Engineer Adams said. “Each one is unique to prevent flaws and other problems. Because of this, each ship’s heat and radiation emissions will read up slightly differently. All the data on different ships in the galaxy are kept on an external system, so that you can identify different ships as friendly or not.”

“Yeah, I knew that,” Tali said. “I meant the thing about the thumbprint.”

“Never mind, it’s not important,” Engineer Adams said. “So, anyway, ships are mostly identified by their emissions, unless you happen to be close enough for a visual, by which time, if it’s an enemy ship, is too late. So, what the IES Stealth System does is it internalises our emissions in these containers, so we don’t show up on scans. It makes us, for all intents and purposes, invisible.”

“But surely that can’t last long,” Tali said. “A drive core that size, on a ship this size, with containers that size, I’d say it’d only be able to hold emissions for about five hours.”

Engineer Adams looked surprised. “That’s correct,” he said. “Every five hours we need to vent the sinks, or else the ship would overheat.” He looked up and saw me. “Oh, pardon me, Commander, I didn’t see you there,” he said saluting me.

“No worries, Adams,” I said. “Can I have a word?”

“Of course, ma’am,” he said. “Tali, why don’t you help Ren sort the cooling rods for the drive core?”

Tali nodded and wandered off.

“That girl is spending a lot of time down here, asking questions about the engine,” Engineer Adams said.

“I’m sorry, I’ll tell her to leave you alone,” I said.

“I don’t mind ma’am,” he said, surprising me. “She is seriously bright that one. Far smarter than any of the others and willing to learn.”

“Really?” I asked. “You don’t mind that she’s, well, unhuman?”

“Why would I mind?” he asked blankly. “As long as she pulls her weight, and thus far she has, I don’t care what colour blood she has.”

“Then you’re a man in a million, Adams,” I said.

“Thank you, Commander,” he said, smiling. “So, what can I do for you?”

“Just checking that everything’s going well down here,” I said.

“Oh yeah, we’re great,” he said. “A few of the men are suspicious of Tali, but I don’t mind kicking their arses once in a while.”

“Good,” I said. “We’re stocked on eezo and fuel? The ship’s not going to stop flying any time soon?”

“No ma’am, not whilst I’m in charge of the engine room,” Engineer Adams said.

“Good to know,” I said. “Well then, carry on.”

“Aye aye, Commander,” he said.

I found Tali stacking long metal cylinders underneath the drive core. “Jane, your ship is amazing,” she said excitedly, the moment she saw me. “There’s no way this drive core can fit into a ship this small.”

“Yet here it is,” I said amused.

“It’s an engineering marvel,” she continued. “The turians and the humans should collaborate more often.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” I said. “I had no idea you found ships so interesting.”

“I grew up on a ship,” she said. “You know, the Migrant Fleet. Ever since the geth took our homeworld from us, that is where we’ve lived. And, like I said earlier, I’m an engineer. I love anything to do with ship technology.”

“Why?” I found myself asking, then realised it was a stupid question. I couldn’t easily tell her why I felt most comfortable when at the shooting range.

Tali seemed to seriously consider the question. “I don’t know,” she said at last. “I suppose it’s because a ship’s engine is basically maths and science, and maths and science are always predictable.”

“Not in my experience they’re not,” I laughed.

“No, they are,” Tali said seriously. “You look at an equation, or a chemical formula, you always know there’s one answer. Two hydrogen atoms bonded with one oxygen atom will always give water. It’ll never make sodium fluoride. X always has an answer, even if you can’t find it.”

“I guess,” I said. “So you like things to be predictable.”

“Yeah,” Tali said. “My mother died two years ago, and since then it’s been just me and my father, and he’s always been…distant.”

“What do you mean?” I asked before I could stop myself. “Sorry, I mean, if you don’t want to tell me…”

“No, it’s alright,” Tali said. “My father’s name is Rael. Rael’Zorah. He’s the head of the Flotilla’s Admiralty Board, which means he’s in charge of making decisions about the Flotilla’s defence. It’s a job that requires a lot of responsibility.”

“I’ll bet,” I said. 

At that moment an announcement came on the intercom. “Commander Shepard to D-Deck, Commander Shepard to D-Deck.”

I sighed. “I should go,” I said.

“Alright,” Tali said happily, going back to piling cylinders under the drive core.

…..

“All I wanted to do was some target practice,” Wrex complained.

“With a shotgun,” Ash snapped. “With live ammo.”

I rubbed my forehead. “When did we leave the Citadel again?” I asked.

“Eight hours ago,” Ash said.

“Is that all?” I asked tiredly. “Wrex, Ash’s right. You can’t fire a shotgun slug on a ship. At least not on one this small, you’re bound to hit something.” Wrex growled under his breath. “And Ash, calling Wrex a sterile halfwit is going too far,” I added.

“He took a swing at me,” Ash protested.

“After you said that the turians should have a heavier hand with the genophage, I’m surprised he didn’t try shooting you,” I said. The genophage was a sterility plague inflicted on the krogan after the Krogan Rebellions. It basically ensured that there was only one live birth to every one thousand krogan pregnancies.

“Fine,” Ash said sulkily. “Sorry krogan.”

“Did you hear something, Shepard?” Wrex asked. “I thought I heard a squeak.”

“Wrex,” I said warningly.

He grunted. “Sorry…human,” he mumbled.

Ash tossed her head and walked back to where she had been cleaning weapons.

“I’m bored Shepard, that’s why I went for the shotgun,” Wrex complained.

“Right,” I said. “What are you good at doing?”

“I’m a mercenary,” Wrex said. “I’m good at killing things.”

“Alright, off to the kitchen with you then,” I said. “You can assist the catering corps with killing us off.”

When he’d left, I went to Ash. “Please try to work better with the aliens,” I said.

“I don’t like them,” Ash said angrily.

“I know you don’t,” I said. “Like them or not though, they’re here for at least a little while. You’re going to have to deal with it.”

“Yes Commander,” she said coldly.

I opened my mouth to scream at her, only to be interrupted by Luco. “Commander, it’s Masaad,” he said.

“And there I thought you were De Valentino,” I growled.

“Um, yes ma’am,” Luco said after an uncomfortable pause. “Masaad was due to relieve me half-an-hour ago. He hasn’t shown up. I went to look for him, and found him watching Vaenia in the rec room.”

I counted to ten. “Shouldn’t you speak to Alenko about this?” I asked. “He’s the XO.”

“Yes ma’am, but Lieutenant Alenko’s busy looking at conventions that happened on Shanxi in the year 2176 and doesn’t want to be disturbed.”

I counted to ten again. “I’ll have a word with Masaad,” I said quietly and calmly.

“Thank you ma’am,” he said.

“And you, Ash, get over yourself, for fuck sake,” I added. “You’re better than this.”

I found Zaeed where I’d been told I’d find him: in front of the television.

“Masaad, weren’t you meant to be on duty an hour ago?” I asked.

“Maybe,” Zaeed shrugged, not looking up.

“I think the correct answer there is yes, Masaad,” I said.

“Oh well,” he said, yawning widely. “You know I don’t do well with things like standard duty, Shep.”

That did it for me. I walked to the television and turned it off. “Masaad, listen to me very carefully,” I snapped. “I am not Anderson and I am not Jupiter. I am short, asthmatic and pissed off, and I will not hesitate in throwing your ass to the curb if you don’t actually start doing your fucking job.”

“Jesus Christ Almighty, woman, calm the fuck down and don’t get all hysterical,” Zaeed said, sounding alarmed.

“Masaad, unless you want to taste my fist, I would shut up right now and get to my post,” I hissed. 

Something in my tone must have convinced him because he got up and rushed from the room.

…..

By the time supper came around, there was a throbbing in my head, something that was only slightly relieved by the sight of Wrex in an apron, dolling smash out for us.

“Thank yee kindly, sir,” I said with more vim than I was feeling.

“Fuck off,” he mumbled.

I was joined at my table by Garrus, Tali, Kaidan and Kasuumi. “Where’s Ash?” I asked.

“On duty,” Kaidan said, slurping his tea. 

“And Teela?”

“Not her meal time yet,” Tali said.

“So, I have had absolutely no luck in finding any connection between Saren and the geth,” Garrus said. “No visits into old quarian space, nothing in his training that suggests an affinity for tech work, nothing in his family background, nothing.”

“Any of his Spectre cases involve quarians?” Kasuumi asked.

“Nothing,” I said. “There was one with a volus accountant who was skipping his taxes though.”

“How is that in any way helpful?” Garrus asked.

“It’s not,” I said. I took a half-hearted bite of my smash. “I just thought it was an interesting aside. How are you doing, Kaidan?”

“Not too bad,” Kaidan said, shrugging. “Oh, you mean the case. Nothing yet, and I’ve scoured everything between 2176, when Giovani started at Del Sol and 2181, when Giovani died.”

“Maybe Saren recruited Greyling, who then later recruited Giovani,” I suggested, running my fingers up and down the marks I’d made in the table.

“I thought of that too,” Kaidan said. “I’ll look into it tomorrow.”

Greta came and sat down with us. “So, it turns out that Shiala’s one of the most common asari names in the galaxy, and there are at least a dozen asari by this name that are somehow connected to Saren and Benazea,” she said.

“Keep at it, Greta,” I said. “There has to be one that’s firmly linked to them. Maybe try Missing Persons. Perhaps this Shiala never told her family where she was going.”

“You got it,” Greta said.

“What do you reckon his plan is though?” Kaidan asked. “Saren’s?”

“Galactic domination?” Kasuumi suggested.

“That always sounded way too exhausting to me,” I mumbled.

“I don’t know,” Garrus said slowly. “Turians aren’t ambitious. At least, not overtly. All we really want to do is serve our society. I don’t see how Saren allying with the geth is doing that.”

“Come on, you can’t all be like that,” I said. “Surely there are some that are different.”

“Of course, there’s always individual difference, but it’s rare,” he answered. “Your people, you are raised to think for yourselves before you submit yourselves to becoming automatons. With us, we are taught from birth that every single thing we do should be serving the Hierarchy. That’s probably why there are so few turians in the Terminus Systems, and so many in C-Sec and the Spectres.”

“Ugh, this is exhausting to think about,” I mumbled. “Ok, tomorrow it’s back to work. We need to find something to work with and soon.”

…..

Three days later we found something to work with. It started as an ordinary day, except I cut myself with my razor. I had been having more visions. The visions were more intense, and (it seemed) longer. Because of this, I was exhausted.

“You think you’re tired?” Kaidan asked rhetorically, as we waited in the lines to the shower. “I’m the one that has to bloody well get up in the middle of the night because you sound like you’re busy dying.”

“Aw, poor you,” I said, irritably tapping my razor against the wall. “Maybe you should try dealing with these visions instead, you know, waking up from a nightmare you can’t remember, knowing that what you just saw was very important, but being unable to work out why.”

“Cry me a river, Jane, seriously,” Kaidan snapped.

“You know, you could try being more fucking empathetic,” I snapped back.

At that moment, Garrus provided a diversion by walking into the shower room. I wasn’t sure exactly where he and Wrex had been showering up until then, because it certainly wasn’t in the officers’ washroom.

Two of the naval staff stopped him. “What do you think you’re doing in here?” the one asked.

Garrus looked around. “I’m not sure,” he said. “I think I’m here to shower.”

“This washroom is for officers only,” the other said. 

“Yes,” Garrus said. “And I’m am officer. Excuse me.”

“You’re not welcome in here,” the first said. “Bird.”

“Says who?” Garrus asked. “Garishke?”

“Sweet bloody baby Jesus, enough,” I shouted. “Garrus is actually an officer with the turian Hierarchy, and I am fucking sick and tired of the damn racial slurs going around in my ship. If I ever here a member of my crew being racist on my ship again, they will regret it and that’s a promise.”

Everyone turned to stare at me and someone gasped. “What?” I said irritably. “You’re now only shocked by the fact that I make threats and have a loud voice?”

“Jane, what are you doing?” Kaidan asked quietly, his face filled with concern.

“What do you mean, what am I doing Kaidan?” I snapped. “I’m protecting my crew.”

“No, I mean-,” he nodded down at my left wrist.

I looked down. “Oh my God,” I whispered. I’d somehow broken my razor open, taken the blade out and carved the strange diagonal symbol five times into my arm. Blood was running down my hand and onto the floor.

“Oh Jesus,” I whispered. “Oh my God, what is happening to me?”

“Ok, it’s ok,” Kaidan said. “Everyone, back to their showering. Jane, come with me.”

He took me by the elbow and led me out of the room. “Kaidan, I’m improperly dressed,” I protested weakly.

“You’ll be fine,” he promised.

He took me to the med bay. Dr Chakwas looked down at my arm. “Well, what happened here?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I whispered.

“Ok, well, these wounds are all superficial, except this one,” she said, pointing to one closest my elbow. “I need to stitch this up. The others I’ll just clean and bind.” 

Kaidan held my hand as Dr Chakwas stitched the wound up. “Were you trying to kill yourself, Shepard?” she asked as she wrapped a bandage around my arm.

“I-no, I don’t think so,” I said. I shook my head. “I don’t know,” I said. 

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Kaidan asked.

“I didn’t realise I was doing it,” I said.

Ash rushed in. “Lieutenant Bhatia was just down in the hold, bellowing about Jane trying to commit suicide,” she gasped. “What’s going on?”  
“No, I-,” I began, but her eyes fell on the bandage.

“Oh God, Janey, if you were unhappy, why the hell didn’t you say anything?” she asked. “I know it’s tough being a Spectre and being given command of this ship, especially after everything that happened to you on Elysium, but you aren’t alone here. You have friends.”

“Ash,” I started, but she interrupted me again.

“I understand that you may feel threatened by Adam, but you are still my best friend. You can come to me any time you want to.”

“Ashley Williams, shut the bloody hell up,” I said loudly. “I wasn’t trying to kill myself.”

“You said you don’t know,” Kaidan said.

“Do you honestly think I’d have the balls to kill myself?” I snapped. “I’m too terrified of dying to ever do something like that.”

“So then why did you cut yourself?” Ash asked. “Was it self-mutilation?”

“Jesus, you’re dramatic,” I sighed. “I don’t know why I cut myself, but those aren’t the first time those marks have appeared.” I explained to them about how I’d gouged the marks into the table, and drawn them in my pasta sauce.

“So, they’re linked with the visions from the beacon?” Ash asked.

“Seems likely,” I said grimly. 

“But why?” Kaidan asked, bewildered. “I mean, what do those symbols mean?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “They’re not from any of the languages I know. I can only assume that it meant something important to the protheans.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Ash said impatiently. “Whatever it means, it was urgent enough for Jane to feel it necessary to carve into her own skin. The question is, how do we stop her from hurting herself again?”

“We find out what the vision means,” I said. “We do that and hopefully they stop and I can carry on with my life again. And to do that, we need to find Saren and work out what the fucking hell he’s up to.”

“Alright, back to work then,” Kaidan said. “I’ll keep an eye on Jane; make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid.”

“Thanks,” Ash said. “And Janey, you might want to tell the crew you aren’t actually suicidal. People are seriously worried.”

“Fantastic,” I mumbled. “What should I tell them?”

She shrugged. “That you’re absolutely crazy?” she suggested.

“Great,” I said sarcastically. “You’re a great help Ash, I have no idea where I’d be without you. Now, back to your station, soldier.”

At my station, I had Greta turn the intercom for me. “Men,” I said. “Regarding this morning’s incident, I am not suicidal. I am merely crazy. Any questions can be directed at Insane4life dot net. Love and kisses, your commander.”

Later I was on the bridge to get a report from the pilots. “So, Fritzburgh says you tried to off yourself in the shower this morning,” Joker remarked. “Just so you know, suicide attempts usually work better when there’s no one around.”

I sighed. “I wasn’t trying to kill myself,” I said. 

“Whatever gets you through the night, Commander, if you’re a loon, I won’t judge,” Joker said lightly.

“Oh, shut up,” I snapped. “Why are you called Joker?”

“Can’t you tell?” he asked. “I love to make people laugh.”

“No you don’t,” I said.

He shrugged. “Do you mind, Commander?” he asked. “I need to fly this ship. It’s harder than it looks.”

I sighed and went back to my station. “Commander,” Greta said excitedly. “I think I’ve found something.”

“Saren?” I asked hopefully.

“No such luck, unfortunately, but hopefully something that can at least point us in the right direction,”

“Let’s go to the conference room,” I said. “Call Kaidan and Teela in too.”

…..

“What’s going on?” Kaidan asked the moment we were in the conference room. 

“Greta thinks she may have found a clue,” I told him. “Go on, Greta.”

“So, I was getting nowhere with looking for the right Shiala,” Greta said. “All ties to Saren and Benazea are superficial at best, and without any concrete information on Benazea, it’s really difficult. So I decided to look into the protheans, you know, to see if there’s any useful data there that can link Saren to them.”

“And you found something?” Teela asked.

“Last night there was a break in at the prothean museum in Tzin Bay on Zhu’s Hope,” Greta said. Tzin Bay was built on an ancient prothean ruin, and pretty much had the biggest collection of ancient prothean artefacts. “It wasn’t anything major,” Greta continued. “Only two things were stolen: an old prothean scroll, and this weird orb thing whose purpose nobody has actually managed to work out.”

“So?” I asked. “The dealing in ancient artefacts is pretty lucrative business, particularly in the information industry. How can you be sure this is connected?”  
“Because, last week an asari by the name of Shiala Grovey landed in Tzin Bay, apparently as a researcher interested in the topic of genetically enhanced vegetables,” Greta said triumphantly.

“That is-well done, Greta,” I said. “That is excellent news.”

“I thought so too,” Greta said modestly. 

“I’ll have Joker chart a course for Argus Rho cluster, and get Dranne on the mission briefs,” I said. “Excellent work, Specialist.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” Greta said.

…..

The day we were due to land in Zhu’s Hope, Luco asked if he could speak to me. I took him to the conference room. “What’s the matter?” I asked.

He shifted uneasily. “I’m really sorry to be doing this when we’re in the middle of a very important mission ma’am,” he said.

“Just spit it out, de Valentino,” I said impatiently.

“Ma’am, I’ve been on the waiting list for top surgery for five years,” he said. “It’s finally been scheduled for next month some time.”

“Why did it take so long for the surgery to be scheduled?” I asked.

“I got injured on Skyllia,” he explained. “They thought it would be too much of a risk to operate on me then, and after that I had a breakdown and my shrink refused to clear me.” He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Anyway, the point is, I wanted to know if I could possibly get leave for the surgery.”

“How long would you need?” I asked.

“At least six months,” he said. He blushed. “I know it’s long, ma’am, but I don’t want to miss this opportunity and be made to wait another five years.”

“I can’t imagine the wait is great for your mental health huh?” I said.

“No ma’am,” Luco answered.

“Well then you should definitely go for the surgery,” I said. “I’m sure between Garrus, Wrex and myself we’ll be able to cover your duties.”

“You sure ma’am?” he asked. “I would hate to inconvenience you, especially now when you’ve just gotten your own command.”

I smiled. “De Valentino,” I said. “The wellbeing of my crew is very important to me. We can manage without you. And I’ll have Dranne write you out of future operations so that you don’t get injured.”

He nodded. “Thank you, Commander,” he said. “I owe you one.”

I shook my head. “You don’t owe me anything for this,” I said. “You owe yourself the happiest life you can get.”

…..

Whilst having never actually been to Zhu’s Hope, I had quite a history with the planet, as my mother had grown up there. To be even more accurate, my mother had grown up in Tzin Bay, and I was quite nervous of going there in case I ran into some of my mother’s relatives. I had never actually met this side of the family, owing to the fact that (according to my mother, anyway) her parents didn’t approve of her marrying a White man. I was pretty sure this was bullshit, as no human in the galaxy thought like that anymore, but I was fairly certain that they wouldn’t have approved of my father.

We landed at Zhu’s Hope two days after Greta had found the information on Shiala. Before we left, I had to do a briefing with Kasuumi, Zaeed and Luco, who would all be accompanying me to the museum.

“How do we know that this is the right Shiala?” Luco asked. “It might just be a massive coincidence.”

“It might be,” Kaidan said. “At the moment, it’s the only lead we have though.”

“How big is the chance that this might go south though?” Luco asked.

“We have no real intel on the chances of ‘south-going’,” I said. “We do know that Shiala travelled alone, with as little as five kilos of luggage, so no geth or anything like that. Any other questions?”

“ETA?” Zaeed asked.

“Thirty minutes,” Kasuumi said. 

There were no other questions. “Y’all can go suit up,” I said. “Kaidan, I want you suit up too. De Valentino will be staying behind this operation so you’ll be pairing with me. Will you be joining us, Teela?”

“Of course,” Teela answered. “There’s no way for me to assess you if I’m up on the ship.”

“Just fair warning, the last Spectre that accompanied me ended dead,” I said.

“You’re a Spectre too know,” she pointed out.

“Damn it, so I am,” I mumbled. “Guess this may be the end for me. Alright dismissed.” 

…..

Tzin Bay was a pretty shitty town to live in apparently. It was on the coast, which made people think of sunshine, cocktails and bikinied women, but in reality the wind gusted at fifty knots all day every day, which meant that there was a continuous sand storms and that the town was pretty much under dust.

“Our ancestors didn’t really take people’s comfort into account when colonising planets, did they?” Kaidan asked, looking out of the window as we waited in a side room at the spaceport for an official to let us through.

“Well, most of the worlds we have were colonised when we were fleeing Earth,” I said. “I think survival was higher on the list than comfort.”

“So, Zhu’s Hope,” Zaeed said. “Home of the Chinese and the Indonesians.”

“This town’s Chinese though,” I said. “My mother grew up here.”

“No shit?” Kasuumi asked. “So you know people here?”

I snorted. “Hardly,” I said.

The door to the room opened and a short man dressed in a suit that looked like it had once been fancy walked in.

“Commander Shepard, it’s an honour to meet you,” he said, shaking my hand. “Welcome to Tzin Bay. My name is Sheng Yan, and I am the head customs official here. I understand you are here on Spectre business?”

“That’s correct,” I said.

“My I ask what your business here is?” he asked.

“Well, you may,” I said. “I can’t promise I’ll answer though.”

“I understand that Spectre authority knows no boundaries, but I need to know if the people in this city are in danger,” he said.

I sighed. “We heard that there was a break-in at the museum,” I said.

“The prothean orb and some scrolls went missing,” he said, sounding surprised. “I’m surprised a Spectre would involve herself in something as trivial as that. We have police officers working on the case right now.”

“I’m just marking time until the next major galactic crisis,” I said. “You know, staying in practice.”

“Of course, Commander,” Sheng Yan said. “I need to ask about your alien companion though.”

“She’s with me,” I said. “Teela’s also a Spectre.”

“If I could just see some identification,” Sheng Yan said.

Teela handed Sheng Yan her Spectre badge, which Sheng Yan examined minutely. “Alright, you may pass through,” he said. “Enjoy your stay.”

…..

We hailed a taxi outside the spaceport. “Holy crap, this sand is going to be a pain,” Kasuumi mumbled, dusting herself off.

“It’s in my eye,” Zaeed said. “I mean, it might be in the other one too, but I can’t feel that eye.”

“Try using a biotic field,” Kaidan suggested to Kasuumi.

“Thanks,” Kasuumi mumbled.

The museum was a large, off-white building. We were greeted by a pretty young woman named Dao-Ming Sun. “Commander Shepard, it’s good to meet you,” she said. “Welcome to Tzin Bay’s Museum on Ancient Prothean Artefacts and Other Stuff. How can we help you?”

“Um, so we’re here about the break-in that happened earlier this week?” I said.

She looked surprised. “I wouldn’t think a Spectre would care about that,” she said doubtfully.

“This Spectre does,” I said. “What happened?”

“Well, the night watchman didn’t see anything, but then he’s quite old,” Dao-Ming said. “The thief only stole two items.”

“Could you take us to the room they were stolen from?” I asked.

“Of course, it’s this way,” she said.

She led us to a smallish room, filled with pots, drawings, weird technology-looking things and bits of paper. “What’s all the stuff in here?” Kaidan asked.

“Mostly stuff that dates to the later part of the prothean era,” Dao-Ming said. “The protheans have been tracked to having lived in the galaxy for up to fifty thousand years ago. That’s fifty thousand human years. Then it seems they died out. No one really knows why, but there are many theories. We have so much to thank the protheans for: the mass relays, the Citadel, but we actually know very little about them.”

“Yeah, the average person learnt this in grade school history,” I said dismissively. “What was stolen?”

“An ancient text that has been partially translated into protha by an asari archaeologist Dr Liara T’Soni as explaining a prothean ritual,” Dao-Ming said. “The text dated back to about ten thousand years before the prothean extinction.”

“What was the ritual?” Kasuumi asked, bending to examine a pot enclosed in a glass box.

“As far as Dr T’Soni could work out, the protheans had capabilities similar to the asari,” Dao-Ming said. “In fact, she goes as far as to say that asari are direct descendants of the protheans.”

“What capabilities are those?” I asked.

“Asari are able to link their consciousnesses to the consciousness of other beings,” Dao-Ming said. “Dr T’Soni states that this ritual was quite similar, but done as a way of spiritual enlightenment.”

“Seriously,” I asked Teela. “You can do that?”

She scowled. “Yes,” she said. “For a short period of time, I can project whatever I happen to be thinking into your mind, or see whatever you are thinkinh.”

“Exactly,” Dao-Ming said. “Dr T’Soni said that the protheans could do the same thing, only more powerfully.”

“Hm,” I said. “And what of the orb that was stolen?”

“Ah yes,” Dao-Ming said. “No one could work out what it was, but it is the most recently-dated prothean artefact recovered to date.”

“What sort of security do you have here?” Kasuumi wanted to know.

“Video footage of every inch of the museum, a night watchmen, security mechs, and motion sensors,” Dao-Ming said.

“The motion sensors set off an alarm?” Kasuumi asked.

“Yes,” Dao-Ming answered.

“We’ll need all video footage of the night of the burglary and all security mech data,” I said trying to sound efficient.

“Of course, Commander,” Dao-Ming said. “I’ll just go fetch it.”

“Phwor,” Zaeed said in a low voice as she walked away. “Look at that arse.”

“Masaad, you’re married,” Kasuumi snapped.

“And randy as hell,” Zaeed said. “I haven’t had a good rogering in, ooh, four weeks now. Shep runs a tighter ship than Jupiter did.”

“Shut the fuck up, Masaad, unless you have something pertinent to the case to contribute,” I said tiredly.

“You’re just jealous because you haven’t had any in so long, you’ve forgotten what a penis looks like,” Zaeed said.

I ignored him. Unfortunately, he didn’t go away. “In fact, you’re blushing like a virgin, Shep,” he continued. “Only, I know you’re not one because back on the Everest you were-,”

I pushed him. Hard. “Whoops, clumsy me,” I said loudly as he fell to the ground with a crash. “I seem to have tripped and shoved you over.”

“What the fuck was that for?” Zaeed said angrily, picking himself. “What was I saying again? Oh yeah, you were banging Hackett back in, was it 81?” I closed my eyes and prayed to be somewhere very far away. “No, it was 2180,” Zaeed corrected himself. “I remember because that’s the year the Comets won the league.”

“What was that?” Kaidan asked quietly.

“Oh don’t sound so surprised sir,” Zaeed said. “All the girls on the Everest were fucking Hackett. I’m guessing he had a chocolate dick or something.”

“You cheated on me,” Kaidan said to me, his tone still quiet.

“Uh, can we talk about this later?” I asked. “We have work to do.”

“No, we can talk about this right now,” Kaidan said. “You cheated on me with Admiral Hackett.”

“Hey, so you two finally got it together huh?” Kasuumi asked.

“No thanks to you Kasuumi,” Kaidan snapped.

“So, you were the mysterious boyfriend,” Zaeed said, light hitting his face like the rising sun. “You know she stuck it out for quite a while. Swore she would be loyal to you.”

“Masaad thank you, you’ve done quite enough damage for one day,” I said nervously. Kaidan’s face was scaring me. “Kaidan, I promise we can talk about this later, but right now we need to focus on the case.”

“Whatever, Jane,” Kaidan snapped. “You do whatever the fuck you need to do.”

“And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why fraternisation is against regs,” Kasuumi mumbled to herself.

“Everyone, just shut the fuck up already,” I said angrily. 

Fortunately, Dao-Ming came into the room. “Here are the vids from that night,” she said cheerfully, handing a datapad to me. “I don’t know what you think you’ll be able to see. There’s nothing in them.”

“Maybe,” I said, trying to pull myself together. “Dranne, Kaidan, take a look. See what you think. Who was the night watchman?”

“I believe it was Chi Li,” she said. She saw my face. “Look, he’s heard all the jokes, so don’t even bother.”

“Darn it,” I mumbled. “I wonder if he’s a relative. My mother’s last name was Li.”

“It’s a common enough Chinese name,” Dao-Ming said. “I take it you want to speak to him?”

“If at all possible,” I said.

“I’ll call him in,” she said, leaving.

“Got it,” Kasuumi said. “Shep, look at this.”

I went over to where they were. “Watch,” she said.

The video showed what looked like a service entrance. “Ok, so nothing there,” I said.

“Just...watch,” Kasuumi said impatiently. A few seconds more of playing, and the picture gave a strange flicker. “See?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “They need to buy new cameras.”

“Kalahira, you’re impossible,” Kasuumi mumbled. “No, that’s when our thief came in. She must have released a VI to erase her image. You won’t find her face in any of this footage.”

“She clearly used an inferior programme,” Kaidan said. “A good one wouldn’t even register a flicker.”

“Can you reverse it?” I asked.

“I’d need the original footage, but yeah, I probably could,” Kasuumi said.

“Kaidan, get on it,” I said.

“But why?” Zaeed asked as Kaidan slouched off. “We already know who did it.”

“No, we don’t,” I said. “We think we do, but we need to be sure.”

Kasuumi started wandering around the room. “Dranne, how do you suppose she got past the mechs?” I asked.

“Oh mechs are easy enough to switch off if you know what you’re doing,” Kasuumi answered vaguely, walking to the doorway. “Everyone swears by them, but they’re fucking useless. Do you suppose we could have the motion sensors on in here? I think I can replicate how the thief got to the objects.”

“I’ll ask,” Teela said, leaving the room. 

“You don’t think she hacked them?” I asked.

Kasuumi shook her head. “Every time you hack something, you leave behind tiny traces of yourself,” she said. “A person’s hacking method is kind of like a fingerprint. You can easily identify the person.”

“So, how did she do it?” I asked.

“There’s an omnitool programme that you can use to find things like motion sensors,” Kasuumi said. 

“Cool,” Zaeed said. “How’s that useful?”

“Amonkira, question after question after bloody question,” Kasuumi mumbled. “Here’s an idea. Wait and see.”

Teela returned. “The sensors are going to be switched on now,” she said. 

“Ok, let’s get to the door,” I said.

We moved into the doorway. “Sensors on in five…four…three…two…one,” a VI voice said. “Sensors are active.”

Kasuumi raised her omnitool and pressed a few buttons. There was a faint beeping noise, and she glanced down at it. “Ok,” she whispered. “I’m going in.”

She stepped very carefully into the room, her eyes on her omnitool, and leapt up, doing a strange pirouette. She then dropped to the floor, leopard-crawling a few inches, and getting to her feet. She continued to move across the room like this, ducking, leaping and crawling. She made it to the case that had held the scroll, and then moved in the same manner to the case that had held the orb. She stared at the case a few minutes. “Turn the sensors off,” I said. 

“Sensors deactivated,” the VI voice said.

“You are way too good at this, Dranne,” I said. “I feel like I should arrest you.”

“Oh, ha ha,” Kasuumi said. “Where’s Dao-Ming?”

“Looking for the cold man,” I said.

“What?” Kasuumi asked.

“He’s chilly, har har,” I said.

“Shut up,” Kasuumi said tiredly. “There’s no way the thief could have taken the orb without setting off a bunch of alarms.”

“You just did it,” I pointed out.

“No, there’s an alarm in the case that gets set off if the weight of the orb is taken off it,” Kasuumi said. “I would be able to use my biotics to replicate the weight for a bit, but not for long.”

…..

Dao-Ming returned a few minutes later, and we pointed this out to her. “Yes,” Dao-Ming said. “There was a, um, cabbage in the place of the orb when we came in from work.”

“A cabbage,” I laughed. “You’re saying the orb weighs the same as a cabbage?”

“It also means the thief is a biotic,” Kasuumi said. “She used her biotics when she swapped the orb for the cabbage.”

“Which makes our asari look all the more promising,” Zaeed said.

“Don’t jump to conclusions yet,” I said. “There are probably a fair amount of biotics in this town. And human biotics have a tendency to break the law.”

“We’re on our way,” Kasuumi said into her omnitool. “It’s Kaidan,” she told us. “He said that he’s got the thief on camera.”

“Great, Masaad, he won’t even talk to me,” I said as we walked to the security room. “Thanks a lot.”

“Well, you cheated on him,” Zaeed pointed out. “Which is bad.”

“Hark the cheating pot telling the cheating kettle that cheating is bad,” I said.

Kaidan looked up as we walked in. “So, what have you found?” I asked, trying for upbeat.

“See for yourself,” he said brusquely.

I looked over his shoulder at the vid, which now showed an asari woman. “Send the vid to my omnitool,” I said. “I’ll run her through facial recognition.”

“No need,” Dao-Ming said. “We don’t have many asari here. That’s Shiala Grovey. She’s an asari consultant working in the greenhouses where we grow our oats.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Yes,” Dao-Ming said. “She comes here often.”

“Run it through facial recognition, just to be sure,” Teela suggested quietly.

There was a beep as the vid arrived on my omnitool, and I put it into the facial recognition programme.

“Chi Li is here,” Dao-Ming said.

“I’ll see him in a minute,” I said, my eye on omnitool. A minute later, the programme had finished running. “It positively confirms the woman as Shiala Grovey,” I said. “Ninety eight per cent confirmation.”

“Why couldn’t the policemen do this?” Dao-Ming asked in wonder. “You’ve only been here an hour.”

“I’d say probably because your police force sucks,” I said. “Don’t feel too bad, we’ll arrest this Shiala and be out of your hair. How far are the greenhouses from here?”

“Twenty miles,” Dao-Ming said. “You can’t take a skycar though. The sand and the wind make it too dangerous.”

“Right,” I said. “Kaidan, you and the others see about getting us a truck or something. I’ll talk to the night-watchman.”

“Yes ma’am,” Kaidan practically spat.

I sighed. I was not looking forward to returning to the ship and having to confront this issue.

“Take me to Chi Li,” I said to Dao-Ming.

…..

Chi Li was an ancient, wizened man with a face that looked like crumpled paper, and a very bald head. I interviewed him in Dao-Ming’s office.

“Mr Li, thank you for coming in,” I said. “My name is Jane Shepard, and I’m agent for the Citadel’s Special Tactics and Reconnaissance.”

“A Spectre?” he asked in a surprisingly musical voice. “I never knew Spectres got involved in burglaries.”

“I’m special like that,” I said. He laughed. “Anyway, as I understand it, you were night watchman when this particular incident happened.”

“Ah yes,” Chi Li said. “I was sitting in the front office, as is my habit. I only left close to midnight to go to the bathroom.”

“So you didn’t see anything?” I asked.

“I’m afraid not,” he said. “If I did, I would have told the police about it.”

“Thank you very much,” I said. “I’m sorry to have brought you here.”

“It is no bother,” Chi Li said. He frowned. “You remind me of someone I knew a long time ago,” he said. “Although she’d probably be a lot older than you are now.”

“Did you know a woman named Jin Li?” I blurted out. “She grew up in this town.”

He stared at me. “My son’s daughter’s name was Jin Li,” he said. “She left here many years ago, when she was a very young woman.”

“My mother was Jin Li,” I said.

“You’re little Jin’s daughter?” he asked in amazement. He gave a laugh. “I can see it, you are very much like her. She joined the air force, you know, it must be over thirty years ago. How is Jin?”

“She, um, she passed away,” I said quietly. “Eight years ago. I’m sorry.”

“She never wrote to us, after she married that man,” my great grandfather said. “What was his name? Jordan something.”

“Shepard,” I said. “His name was Jordan Shepard. What do you mean, she never wrote to you? She said you disowned her after she married my father.”

“That’s not true,” my great grandfather said. “Her parents, may they rest in peace, didn’t like that man, it is true, but they would never disown her. Jin was their only daughter. She was beautiful and head strong. They adored her.”

“What happened to them?” I asked. “My grandparents I mean.”

“They died,” he said. “Two years ago. My daughter-in-law got Luckhoff’s Syndrome, and after she passed, my son just wasted away. It is a sad day when you out-live your children. Now all I have left is my grandson, Jin’s brother. You should see him. He’d be happy to meet you. Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

“I only have one left,” I said. “A younger brother named Jason. My older brother and sister died. At the same time as my parents.”

“Well, I’m glad you made it back here,” he said. “Jin used to tell the craziest stories, and that mouth! I swear, she could out-talk anyone.”

“Really?” I asked surprised. “I’m the same. It used to drive mom nuts.” I tried picturing my mother as a teenager, but I couldn’t.

“You should visit my grandson,” he said. “He’d like to meet you.”

I glanced at my omnitool. “I should go,” I said. “The others will be waiting for me.”

“It was good to meet you, Jane,” he said, holding his hand out.   
“And you too,” I said. “I might see you again.”

He smiled. “I’d like that,” he said.

…..

“A fucking Mako?” I asked. “Out of all the vehicles you could have procured, and you chose the Mako?”

“What the bloody hell do you want from me, this was all they had,” Kaidan snapped.

“People will think we’re being invaded if they see this driving through the streets,” I snapped back.

“Yeah, well at least they’ll remember to keep their pants on,” Kaidan shouted.

“Oh Arashu, will you two please shut the fuck up, you’re making me tired,” Kasuumi said tiredly.

“Let’s get in the fucking Mako,” I snapped. “Alenko, you’re driving. I’m too small and I don’t trust Masaad.”

“Fine,” Kaidan snapped, saluting. “Let’s saddle the fuck up and get the fucking show on the road.”

“It’s like being with Antonio again but without the boobs or the pink hair,” Zaeed mumbled as we climbed into the back. “Or the sense of humour.”

Zhu’s Hope had originally been planned as the Alliance’s supplier of grain, but then the new Alliance government realised that nothing was really going to grow on the planet, owing to crap weather, and no rain. Instead of being smart and assigning grain-growing to another planet that would actually be able to grow grain, the Alliance had giant greenhouses built on the planet at great expense that could house an entire acre of wheat (or barley or whatever). I sometimes wondered if the galaxy was run by lunatics.

The particular greenhouse we were heading for grew oats for the good of the Alliance. We were greeted by yet another smiling local at the front office of the greenhouse, this time a man.

“Commander Shepard, Dao-Ming phoned to warn us that you were coming,” he said, shaking my hand. “My name is Tan Hu and I am the manager of this greenhouse.”

“Did she?” I asked. I looked around. “So, this is where the food the Alliance uses to poison us every morning is grown?”

“Our oats is top quality,” Tan Hu said, sounding offended.

“Well, then the catering corps manages to destroy it by the time it hits my mess tin,” I said. “I’m here to speak to Shiala Grovey. Is she around?”

“One moment,” Tan Hu said. “I, er, I suppose you’ll be wanting somewhere private to talk?”

“Yes please,” I said.

He showed us to his office, and left. “You know, I can maybe understand why you’d sleep with someone else, but why Hackett?” Kaidan asked the ceiling.

“Can we please talk about this on the ship?” I asked.

“Now I’m wondering if you actually fucked your way to the top,” Kaidan continued. “How many dicks did you suck to make it to commander? Or N7?”

“Jesus Christ, Kaidan, what do you think I am, a hooker?” I snapped.

“Shep didn’t need to have sex with anyone to get to the top, she got there based on pure talent,” Zaeed said indignantly.

I broke my jaw on the floor. “Thank you, Masaad,” I said in a surprisingly croaky voice. “That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

“Only speaking the truth, Commander,” Zaeed said. “Besides, if that was how it worked, all the women on the ship would have been officers. Hackett porked anything with a vagina.”

“And that was less helpful,” I said.

“I didn’t,” Kasuumi said hurriedly. “I was in a self-inflicted dry patch at the time.”

“Ugh, is it a human thing to be this inappropriate, or is it just you lot?” Teela asked rhetorically.

The door opened and Tan Hu walked in, closely followed by an asari in her late maiden years. She had dark green eyes and strange, freckle-like things on her nose.

“Shiala Grovey?” I asked. “I’m Commander Shepard of the Spectre office. These are various people you don’t really need to know about. Except maybe Teela Vasire, who is another Spectre.”

Shiala examined our faces. “Goddess, not again,” she mumbled.

Teela looked surprised to see her. “Well, well, if it isn’t young Laya M’Loak,” she said.

“You know her?” I asked in surprise.

“She’s a thief from the Terminus Systems,” Teela said. “Saren and I brought her in occasionally for stealing Council property.”

“So, Saren turns into a first class a-hole and recruits one of the jailbirds he put in jail?” I asked. I winced. “Sorry, that sounded way more badass in my head. Who’s Shiala Grovey then?”

“I expect that she died several centuries ago,” Teela said. “That’s Laya’s normal MO.”  
“Right,” I said. “None of this is actually important. What we wanted to know is why you broke into the museum.”

Shiala looked from my face to Teela’s, turned tail and made for the door. Kaidan and Zaeed grabbed her shoulders and sat her down hard on the floor.

“See, when you do that, you just look guiltier,” I said. 

“Bite me,” Shiala hissed. “Anyway, you can’t prove anything.”

“Actually we can,” Kaidan said. “We have you on video.”

“No you don’t,” Shiala said, but she looked worried.

“We do,” Kaidan insisted. “I can show you if you want.”

Shiala seemed to sag. “I didn’t realise until later that there was something bad that was going to happen,” she whispered. “Saren promised me full immunity in whatever I did in the future. It seemed like a good deal, so I did it.”

“Why those particular items?” I asked.

“The visions that have been implanted in your brain, you don’t understand them, do you?” she asked. “Sorry, Saren told me about you. Saren didn’t understand them either.”

“Why can’t I understand them?” I asked. “And why the past tense? Can Saren understand the visions now?”

“The visions were meant for a prothean,” Shiala explained. “They were wired to meld into a prothean brain. You know the protheans’ chief form of communication was through psychic connections? I believe, and Saren agrees, that the information in the beacon on Eden Prime was some sort of mass broadcast.”

“So?” I asked.

“So imagine describing colour to one who has no eyes,” Shiala continued in a superior voice. “It would be impossible no? To imagine colour, you need to have had some experience with it. That’s what the problem is. You have not experienced being a prothean before in your life, and you therefore cannot comprehend information meant for a prothean brain.”

“Mother of God, you are worse than a fucking oracle,” I said impatiently. “I don’t need riddles, I need facts.”

“Of course, Commander, I was just getting there,” Shiala said. “Saren guessed that in order to understand the visions he needed to learn to think like a prothean, to experience prothean culture.”

“And a few stolen artefacts has allowed for this, huh?” I asked sarcastically.

“No, of course not,” Shiala said smoothly. “A few theorists believe that the orb that I stole contained information of some kind. They guessed that what needed to happen was that someone needed to link their minds with the orb. No one succeeded, but then no one attempted the ritual outlined by the protheans.”

“So, they were right,” Teela said.

“Yes,” Shiala said. “Using the ritual, I linked my mind with the orb. It contained a great deal of information on the protheans, their culture, their people, their linguistics. I now understand how the protheans thought, how they lived. And I gave this information to Saren. He is now beginning to understand the visions.”

“But why?” I asked. “What’s in the beacon that’s so important?”

“I don’t know everything, and what I do know is what I’ve overheard,” Shiala said. “Saren is working for a species called the Reapers. I don’t know what they are or what they want, but for some reason they are unable to be in the galaxy without something called the Conduit.”

“The Conduit?” Kasuumi asked. “What’s that?”

“I don’t know,” Shiala admitted. “But I don’t think Saren does either. He thinks that the information in the beacon gives the location of the Conduit though.”

“Why are you telling us this?” I asked.

“When I planted the information from the orb in Saren’s mind, I saw the visions,” Shiala said. “Whatever the Conduit is and the Reapers want, it’s going to lead to the deaths of trillions of people. I don’t want that. I told Saren I needed to properly close my cover here, and that I’d catch him up. I was planning on flying to the Terminus Systems the day after tomorrow.”

“Where’s Saren now?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” Shiala said. “He’s travelling on a ship called Sovereign. It’s a dreadnought, but I’ve never seen a dreadnought like this before. He’s keeping mainly to the uncolonised worlds.”

“And the geth?” Kaidan asked. “How do they fit into the picture?”

Shiala sighed. “I don’t know,” she said. “They were with Saren when he recruited me. He sends them on recon missions to remote worlds sometimes.”

It seemed we were back to square one. Except…”You can give me the information from the orb,” I said.

“I-,” Shiala didn’t seem to certain.

I lost my temper. “You fucking just said trillions of people are going to die,” I shouted. “This is too serious for you to start fucking me around. You gave Saren the fucking information, you can damn well give it to me.”

Shiala’s eyes had grown wider and wider through my speech. “Yes Commander,” she squeaked.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Kasuumi said. “How do you know this isn’t some trap?”

“I don’t,” I admitted. “But what choice do I have? I need to stop Saren. This is the only clue we have.”

Shiala nodded. “I need you to relax, Commander,” she said, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Right,” I said. “Um, exactly what is going to happen to me?”

“I’m going to implant my understanding of the protheans into your mind,” she answered. “Because the only prothean memory you have right now is the vision from the beacon, you will probably re-experience the visions.”

“Will it hurt?” I asked, trying not to sound nervous.

“No,” Shiala said. “But it may be uncomfortable.”

“Thank God, I was beginning to think this might be pleasant,” I said. I took a deep breath. “Ok, I’m ready,” I said.

“Relax Commander,” Shiala whispered. “Deep breaths. Try to clear your mind.”

“I’m sorry, what?” I asked. “How does a person even do that?”  
“Don’t think of anything,” she said, beginning to sound impatient. “Just look into my eyes and focus on my voice. Keep breathing.”

At first nothing happened, then Shiala’s consciousness linked with mine.

…..

It was quite an alarming feeling, having someone else’s consciousness invade my brain. It was nothing like having the visions themselves, more like looking at something through a tinted glass. I was still aware of everything around me. I could see Shiala’s face, and behind her, the faces of my companions, but at the same time, I was seeing whatever it was Shiala was projecting into my mind.

_A man is blown up. I see as all the pieces of him get flung around by the explosion. A building full of people is burnt, and somehow I know it was my responsibility to rescue them. A group of children are playing in a field when a large shadow covers the sun. I know those children don’t have long to live. I am walking through a thick jungle. I am in space and I see a star._

I collapsed to my knees, retching. “Shep, are you ok?” Kasuumi’s voice sounded above me, sounding concerned.

I felt as though I had been punched in the gut. I forced my lungs to breathe. “Your fucking pump,” Kaidan snapped, sounding impatient.

I pulled my asthma pump from my BOL and took a hit. Kasuumi pushed her water bottle into my hands. “Breathe,” she ordered.

“She looks pale,” Zaeed said. “It doesn’t really suit her.”

“Bite me, Cyclops,” I mumbled.

“And she has a voice,” Zaeed said. “How do you feel?”

“Fantastic, what kind of a fucked up question is that?” I snapped. “My brain’s been turned into cottage cheese.”

Kasuumi helped me up. “I’m sorry,” Shiala said, not sounding sorry at all.

“Yeah, whatever,” I snapped. “What did I just see?”

“Your mind is starting to use the information I implanted to process the visions,” Shiala said. “It’ll take some time for them to make sense.”

“How long?” I asked.

She shrugged. “Weeks, months, who knows?” she asked. “Maybe even years.”

“We don’t have that kind of time,” I snapped.

“I have done the best I could,” she said. “I should warn you. You’ll be probably be experiencing the visions significantly more frequently for a while, and you may never fully understand them. You are only human after all.”

“Thanks,” I said sourly. “Teela, what do you reckon we should do with her?”

“Take her back to the Citadel,” was Teela’s immediate response. “The Council can decide her fate.”

“Right,” I said. “Then let’s get back to the ship. But first there’s someone I want to visit.”

…..

“Who are you visiting?” Kaidan asked in the ride back to Tzin Bay.

I explained about having found my great grandfather at the museum.

“You’ve got to be joking,” Kaidan exploded. “We need to get back to the ship so that we can deal with this fucking mission.”

“It won’t take long,” I said. “I just want to meet my uncle. Get to know him, you know?”

“Commander, surely this is not a priority,” he said impatiently. I noted the very formal use of the word Commander.

“My life isn’t revolving around this fucking mission,” I snapped. “You don’t get it, do you? You still have your entire family. Of the relatives that are still alive that I know, I hate all but two of them. My father is dead, my mother is dead. My big brother and my own twin sister are dead. I now have a chance to get to know my mother a little better. You can like it or lump it, but I’m going to fucking meet them.”

“Fine,” Kaidan snapped. “I’ll wait on the motherfucking ship.”

“Wow, you two are really something else,” Kasuumi mumbled. “I thought Kaidan and I fought a lot but this is a whole other ball game.”

…..

My uncle, whose name was Chen Li, lived in the poorer part of Tzin Bay, right next to the coast line. A beautiful woman, who I could only assume was his wife, answered the door. “Yes?” she asked.

I suddenly felt very nervous. “Um, my name is Jane Shepard,” I said. “I’m looking for Chen Li.”

The woman’s eyes lit up. “You’re Jin’s daughter?” she asked in delight.

“Yeah,” I said.

“You must come in,” she said. “My name is Mitsu. I’m Chen’s wife. Jin was my best friend as a little girl.” I followed her into the dark hallway. “Can I take your coat?” she asked.

“Thanks,” I said, taking my cap off and stuffing it into one of the pockets, and handing her my coat.

“This way,” she said, leading me into a sitting room, where a man sat in one of the easy chairs, reading something on a datapad.

He looked up when we walked into the room, and he seemed to do a double-take. “Grandfather told me what had happened, but I hardly believed it,” the man who I assumed was my Uncle Chen said.

“Um, hi,” I said, getting increasingly nervous. Uncle Chen embraced me and kissed me on both cheeks.

“You look exactly like my little sister,” he said excitedly, walking around me.

“Thanks, but I don’t remember Mom having either blue eyes or freckles,” I said.

He smiled. “You must drink with us,” he said. “Mitsu, will you make us some tea?”

“Of course,” Mitsu said, smiling, and disappeared from the room.

“Sit down,” Uncle Chen invited. I sat down on the love seat and looked around the room.

Apart from the obligatory television set, there was also a low coffee table in the middle of the floor with cushions around it, a piano in the one corner, and a table with a potted plant and picture frames showing photographs of a young woman in her early twenties and a young man who was perhaps slightly younger than that.

“My children,” he explained. “So, your name is Jane, yes?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Jane Tina.” I wasn’t sure why I gave my second name.

“And Grandfather said that you’re a Spectre,” he continued. I nodded. He gave a loud cackle, I think of delight. “I knew it,” he said excitedly. “We had to watch the ceremony on television, and I wondered if you were related to that man.” I assumed he meant my father. 

“Well, yeah,” I said.

Mitsu walked in with a silver teapot and some fragile china cups, which she set on the coffee table. Uncle Chen immediately knelt down on one of the cushions. I followed suit a little uncertainly. He handed me a cup of green-looking tea. I looked nervously at the tea. I was accustomed to milky-white tea with a gazillion spoons of sugar in it.

“So, tell me about yourself,” Uncle Chen said.

“Um, what do you want to know?” I asked.

He smiled at Mitsu. “Everything,” she said.

I decided that that might be a mixed bag, so I stuck with the main things, like favourite books, favourite movies, major competitions won and important parts of tours of duty. Every so often they would chip in with a “Jin was the same”, or “Jin preferred this thing”. I realised that what they were looking for was actually their long-lost sister. It was a depressing thought, but I knew that if Jean had a daughter who showed up on my doorstep as a young woman, I’d be scouring her for signs of my twin.

“Chi Li, your grandfather, said that you didn’t like our father,” I said at one point. “Why is that?”

“Well, we only met him two weeks before the wedding,” Uncle Chen said. “Jin brought him home and told us she was marrying him. They were serving on the same ship. We didn’t like him. He was very charming, but at the same time I could sense a great deal of anger about him.” 

I sighed. “Yeah,” I said. “There was.”

He appraised me for a few seconds. “Mitsu, don’t you think Jane should taste some of the delicious biscuits you baked yesterday?” he asked.

She seemed to take the hint, for she got up and bustled into the kitchen. I took a nervous sip of my tea and almost spat it out again. It tasted the way I imagined water in a vase would taste.

“Jane, did your father hurt you?” Uncle Chen asked quietly. I scowled at my tea cup. “Jane?”

“Look, it doesn’t matter anymore,” I said. “He’s dead. It’s over.”

“Of course it matters,” he answered. “What about Jin? Did he hurt her?”

“No,” I lied. “He loved Mom a great deal. Took care of her. You know, married stuff.”

“And your brothers and sister?” he asked. “Did your father hurt them?”

“Well, Jean and John were perfect,” I said. “And he didn’t want Jason. He pretended he didn’t exist most of the time.”

“Jin didn’t protect you,” he said, stating a fact.

“What makes you say that?” I asked.

“You lived on the ship until you were sixteen.”

I looked down at my teacup again. I had loved my mother a great deal when I was growing up, but that was more because she hadn’t actively hurt me.

“Jin was the most beautiful girl in Tzin Bay,” Uncle Chen told me quietly. “When we were in high school all the boys wanted to date her. But she had an issue with perfection, and in her final year of school, she developed rubella, and her face was horribly disfigured for a long time and she gained a lot of weight. After that she had a very low self-esteem, and she starved herself to become thin again. Even though the marks healed she believed her face was ugly, and she thought that no one would ever love her.”

I thought about my own self-esteem issues and realised with horror that, even though as a teenager, I had vowed never to become like my mother (which teenage girl doesn’t?) I was becoming more and more like her, the older I got.

“I’m sorry we weren’t ever in your life Jane,” Uncle Chen continued. “But that can change. If you want.”

I was silent for a long time. “Yeah,” I said at last. “I’d like that.”

…..

Back on the ship, I called the rest of the squad into the conference room for a group debriefing. The visions had by that stage abated a little, only to be replaced by a splitting headache. I had visited Dr Chakwas who prescribed some headache tablets and recommended that I visit a neurologist.

“I don’t understand,” Ash said when we’d explained what had happened. “What exactly did this Shiala do exactly?”

“She implanted an understanding of the prothean culture into my mind,” I explained. “It’ll supposedly help me ‘think like a prothean’ whatever the hell that means, so that I can understand what the vision from the beacon means.”

“But it’s not working?” Garrus asked.

“I wouldn’t say that,” I said. “I’m remembering more of the visions. I still don’t understand what they mean though.”

“And the asari, Shia-whatsherface?” Wrex grunted. “What does she know?”

“Not much,” I said. “She told us who Saren’s working for. A species called the Reapers, who apparently want him to retrieve something called the Conduit, without which they cannot survive. She doesn’t know what either these things are, but she said that Saren reckons the vision from the beacon will help him find it.”

“Isn’t it possible she was playing with you?” Tali asked. “Reaper is a name of a person who works in harvesting crops. You were on a farm. It could be she was just doing some very quick thinking.”

“It is,” I said hesitantly. “But do we really want to take that chance?”

“No, I suppose not,” Tali mumbled.

“We did get something good out of that though,” Zaeed pointed out. “We have the name of the ship Saren is using.”

“Right,” I said. “A dreadnought called Sovereign. Shiala doesn’t know which species it originally came from. Greta, do a search on any ships by that name. Make it across cultures and language strains. Also look for any ships reported missing named Sovereign.”

“Aye Commander,” Greta said.

“Tali, is there anything in your lore about Reapers?” I asked. “Anything related to the geth maybe?”

“I don’t think so,” Tali said. “I can call home though. Find out.”

“Do it,” I said. “I’ll look into the protheans, see if I can find anything on this Conduit thing. Then, a couple of adminy things: we’re heading back to the Citadel, so get all shore-leave requests to Kaidan. If I could have the list of approved names by tomorrow evening, Kaidan.”

“Yeah,” Kaidan muttered, glaring at me. Ash glanced between the two of us, confusion written on her face.

I supressed a sigh. “Then, since De Valentino is leaving us, we are now two men short,” I said. “I therefore need Wrex and Garrus to be trained in Alliance protocols.”

“Why?” Wrex demanded.

“Well, you’ll be next on the rotation, and I need you to have an understanding of Alliance protocols, as they are the ones that the majority of the people on this ship use,” I said. “Ash, if you’d train them please?”

“What?” Ash asked in surprise. “No.”

“Yes,” I said.

“No,” she said.

“Jane,” she began.

“Gunnery Chief Williams,” I snapped.

She scowled. “Fine,” she muttered.

“Anything else?” I asked. There were various nonverbal communications that all indicated no. “Alright, then I need everyone’s reports on my desk by end of shift. That includes yours, Masaad. Dismissed.”

Everyone got up and headed for the door, except for Tali, who headed in my direction. “Jane, can I ask you a favour?” she asked.

“Depends on the favour,” I said.

“She’ll suck your cock if you’re a middle-aged man,” Kaidan said from the door.

“Goodbye, Kaidan,” I said.

The door slammed shut behind him. “What can I do for you, Tali?” I asked.

“Can you teach me to shoot?” she asked.

“Nope,” I said. “Next question.”

“No, hear me out first,” Tali snapped. She took a deep breath. “I mean, let me explain my reasoning,” she continued in a softer voice.

“Go on then,” I said.

“You’ve already said you’re short on men,” she said. “I’m good at tech, and I know how to make my own grenades. If I knew how to use a handgun, I’d be useful in the field.”

“You’re too young,” I said.

“Fuck that,” she said angrily in English.

“What?” I asked in surprise.

“I said fuck that,” she repeated. She switched back to protha. “I’m sixteen, which is old enough to know that if Saren succeeds at whatever he’s doing all my people will be in danger. I need to do what I can to help make sure he doesn’t. Besides, how old were you when you learnt to fire a gun?”

“You’re already helping,” I said.

“How old?” she demanded.

I sighed. “Six,” I said. “You’re not me.”

“No,” she said. “But I’m me. And I’m over age, so it’s my choice. If you tell me no, I’ll ask Wrex to teach me. He’d do it.” He would’ve as well. He tended to enjoy that sort of thing, and he had taken a liking to Tali. “Or Kasuumi,” she added.

“Kasuumi?” I asked in surprise.

“We’re friends,” Tali said. “It’s quite weird to think that six months ago I was crawling around trying to repair a fuel line on the Raya and I’m now friends with the most beautiful woman in the galaxy, but anyway. She’s the one that suggested I ask you to teach me. She said you’re the best shot in the Alliance.”

“Dranne was talkative,” I said darkly. It seemed that Tali was determined to learn though, and would rather that I taught her as at least I knew I’d teach her right. “Alright, Tali,” I said. 

“Yes,” Tali said excitedly. “Thank you so much, Jane. You won’t regret this. When do we start?”

I had reports to write, as well as a rogue Spectre to catch, but I found myself saying, “No time like the present, Tali. Meet me in the hold in fifteen minutes.”

“Awesome,” she said. She rushed from the conference room, slamming the door loudly behind her. I winced. I wasn’t sure how my head was going to stand gun fire.

…..

“Ok, so what do you know about guns?” I asked Tali.

She cocked her head seriously. “They are sort of miniature levers,” she said. “You pull the trigger, a tiny spring pulls a hammer back, which then strikes the bullet, expelling it at great speed from the barrel of the gun. It then hits something with great force, causing massive trauma and possibly death.”

“I did not expect you to know that,” I said, impressed.

She shrugged. “I’m an engineer,” she said.

“Ok, well it’s good you know all that,” I said. “Many people say that the less you know about guns, the better, but I disagree.”

“Why?” Tali wanted to know.

“Well, you’re going to be using the gun to kill people, aren’t you?” I asked. “It’s not there as a pretty decoration. Anyway, I think that if you’re going to be doing something like that, you at least need to understand what you’re doing, right?”

“Oh,” Tali said. “I guess. Yeah.”

“Good,” I said. “So, I’m not going to have you shooting just yet. You first need to learn how to put the gun together. Watch how I do it.”

“Ok,” Tali said.

Everyone had difficulty putting a gun together the very first time they did it, which was why I was pretty much struck silent when Tali was able to do it in three minutes the first time around and under a minute and a half the second time.

“Have you done this before?” I asked, watching her put the gun together the third time.

“Nope,” she said. “This is the first time I’m touching a firearm.”

“Then how…?” I asked, dumbfounded.

“I already told you, I’m super smart,” Tali said. “Time?”

“Forty five seconds,” I said. “So, I can ask you any math problem, and you’ll be able to answer?”

“Probably,” she said. “Do you want to try?”

“Fifty two thousand six hundred and seven multiplied by one hundred and eighty nine?” I asked.

“Nine million nine hundred and forty two thousand seven hundred and twenty three,” Tali said without hesitation.

I worked it out on my omnitool. “Oh my God, you are right, that’s amazing,” I said. “When did you work out you were that smart?”

“When I could recite the one hundred and sixty seven times table,” she said. “I was two. No three. Can I go again?”

“Sure,” I said.

Garrus wandered over. “I’m off to make myself some bronia,” he said. “Do you want some coffee, Shep?”

I was surprised by the use of my nickname. “Sure, why not?” I asked.

“Tali?” Garrus asked. “Bronia?”

“Sure, that’d be, ah, you bosh’tet,” she said, knocking the table over.

“Smoothly done, girl,” he said, looking mildly amused. “I’ll be down soon.”

“Thanks,” she mumbled, hanging her head. If I didn’t know better, I’d have sworn she was blushing.

“Garrus, I don’t want any of your filthy dextero proteins in my coffee,” I called after him. The galaxy, being a fan of diversity, had decided that there needed to be species with different protein structures. Turians and quarians both were dextero-amino acid species, and everyone else was levo-amino acid species. The upshot of this was that if one species got the other species’ proteins into his bloodstream, he would die a slow and painful death if not put onto an antivenom programme, and we therefore had to be extra-careful to not mix Tali and Garrus’ food and water supplies with our own. I had once experienced dextero-amino acid poisoning and both the poisoning and the recovery was not pretty.

“Very funny,” he called back. “You damned levo.”

“So, what happened there?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” Tali said, talking very fast. “I haven’t eaten in a while, so I think my blood glucose level is quite low, causing my fingers to fumble.”

“Ok, lesson number one then,” I said. “Don’t have a low blood sugar level when planning on firing a gun.”

“No, of course,” Tali said. “I don’t want to kill anyone on my team or anything. Um, so what’s next?”

“Next we’re going to tell Ash that you’ll be joining her protocol class,” I said. “You’re not going anywhere near a gun with fumbly fingers.”

“Right,” Tali said. “How come you use a different handgun to the one you were teaching me with?”

“I use a Spider9,” I explained. “The gun belonged to my father. He left it to me in his will.”

“I didn’t even know he was dead,” Tali said. “I’m sorry.”

I shrugged. “I was sixteen,” I said. “It was just before I joined the military. The ship I grew up on, it crashed or something. No one’s sure. I lost both my parents and my twin sister and older brother in that crash.”

“Did you love your father?” Tali asked.

I shrugged. “Sometimes,” I said uncertainly. “At least, I told myself I did. He was a hard man to love.”

“I hate my father,” Tali said. “Sometimes I hate him so much I wish he would die.”

“Why do you hate him?” I asked.

“He’s never there for me,” Tali said resentfully. “He loves his work. It’s all he ever thinks about: the good of the Flotilla, the example that he must make for the quarian people. He was never just my father. It wasn’t so bad when I was growing up, but after my mother died, it was horrible. He never spoke about her after her death. It was like she had never existed, and when I mentioned her, he pretended not to hear me. Sometimes I’d get so mad at him, I’d stand in our cabin and scream and scream, at the top of my voice. It never did any good.”

I tried to imagine what my father would have done if I’d stood in the middle of our cabin and screamed. Nothing good, I imagined.

“Being a parent is tough,” I said instead.

“That’s what Auntie Shala said,” Tali said. I gave her a questioning look. “Quarian couples are only allowed to have one child,” she explained. “I called her Auntie because she was my mother’s best friend. She also serves on the admiralty board, as the Admiral of the Patrol Fleet. Anyway, she said to me ‘being a parent is never easy, Tali. But he is the only father you have. Give him time.’ I did. It didn’t change anything. Anyway, it does no use to complain. Was it your father that shot you?”

“Who said my father shot me?” I asked, my voice shocked.

“No one,” Tali said. “But I saw the wound on your arm the other day when Dr Chakwas was busy changing your bandages. It’s old, almost twenty years old, and you just said your father was a hard man to love. Also, you have other marks on your body, indicating many years of physical abuse.”

At that moment, Garrus arrived, carrying three mugs. “For my fellow dextero on this trip,” he said, offering Tali one. “And for the captain,” he added, handing me one.

“Thanks,” Tali said, slopping some of the bronia down her front. “Um, Engineer Adams said he was going to swap out the eezo in the Drive Core and that he might need my help. I’d better go check. See you later.”

She rushed from the hold. “Strange one, that one,” Garrus murmured, sitting down on one of the cannons. “So, Shepard, your first mission as a Spectre was relatively successful,” he said as I sat down next to him.

“Yeah,” I said. “I’m surprised more people don’t go into this profession. It’s dead easy.”

Garrus looked mildly confused for a few moments, and then his expression cleared. “You’re joking,” he said.

“Yup,” I said. “I do it a lot. Sorry.”

“Of course,” he said.

“So, how come you ended up working for C-Sec?” I asked, slurping my coffee.

“My father’s a C-Sec officer,” Garrus said. “Was rather. He’s retired now, spends his time training young recruits how to shoot straight.”

“Oh yeah, turians have to go into the profession of their same-sex parent, right?” I asked.

“Yeah, exactly,” Garrus said. “I was a sniper like my father, then when I was twenty, I joined C-Sec.”

“You were a sniper?” I asked. He cocked his head. “No shit, so was I,” I said, for some reason quite excited at this commonality between the two of us.

“I don’t need to go to the bathroom for a while yet,” he said.

“Right, never mind,” I said. “So, you miss C-Sec?”

He snorted. “Spirits no,” he said. “Hated working there. When I first started, it was ok. I rose quickly through the ranks though, and as I did, I was saddled with more and more red tape. It was awful. Why does it matter how I bring a suspect in, as long as the suspect comes in?”

“I guess,” I said. “I mean, those protocols do exist for a reason.”

“To annoy me,” Garrus said. “If I’m going to bring in a suspect, it shouldn’t matter how I do it, as long as I do it.”

“Sure,” I said. “As long as the cost isn’t too high.” He stared at me, frowning. I sighed. “I guess I’ve lost too many squad members to ever be wholly comfortable with the idea of just pointing and shooting.”

“I suppose,” he said, unconvinced. “Anyway, I came to blow at my supervisor frequently. I was actually kind of relieved when they fired me. I was on the verge of walking out in any case.”

“How did your dad take it?” I asked.

Garrus almost smiled. “Oh he was furious of course,” he said. “Told me I was bringing the Vakarian name into disrepute and that he was ashamed for both of us. I told him that I was travelling with a Spectre to bring in a fugitive of justice, and he lost it. He hates the idea of operatives working outside the law. He’s a firm believer in protocol. We’re sort of opposites in that sense. He would hate you. No offence,” he added hastily.

“None taken,” I said. “I don’t want all this fame to go to my head. It’s good to have some haters.”

Garrus regarded me a few seconds. “Yes,” he said. “Of course. Anyway, thanks for having me along. This is the right thing to do. What?” he asked, mildly defensively. “I do believe in doing the right thing, even if I don’t tend to follow the rule that tells me what the right thing to do is.”

“Well, on that I think we can agree,” I said, raising my cup. “Cheers.” We clinked our cups together.

Garrus sniffed at the rim of his cup. “Which side were you drinking from?” he asked.

“The side that didn’t touch your cup,” I said.

“Good,” he said, mildly relieved. “Only I didn’t-“

“Yeah,” I said.

“Want to die yet,” he muttered.

“Well, if you did, I would tell your family that you died bravely whilst carrying a box of red tape across a raging battle field,” I promised. He snorted. I got up and stretched. “I need to get back upstairs and make sure that no major wars have been declared in my absence,” I said. “See ya, Garrus.”

…..

Kaidan did not join our table at supper time. “What’s up with him?” Ash asked, looking at where he sat with the air force staff, all of whom looked incredibly uncomfortable having him sit with them.

“Oh, he’s mad at Shep because he found out she screwed Hackett whilst they were together,” Zaeed said.

Ash’s mouth dropped open. “In the fleet we have protocols that forbid, uh, fornication with other members of the fleet,” Garrus said.

“Oh we do too,” Kasuumi said. “Not everybody follows them. Obviously.”

Garrus turned to me, his mandibles twitching in (I think) amusement. “So, protocols exist for a reason, huh?” he asked.

“Jane, is this true?” Ash asked, her voice filled with horror.

I sighed. “Yeah, it’s true,” I said.

“But…why?” Ash asked.

“I don’t know why,” I said tiredly.

“I do,” Kasuumi said through a mouthful of smash. “Hackett’s sexy.”

“Yeah,” Zaeed agreed. “I mean, I’m mostly straight and I would have happily jumped into bed with him.”

“Oh my God will you two please stop interfering with my personal life,” I snapped. “It’s not as if either of have a particularly rosy past.”

“Hey, I never banged anyone on the crew,” Kasuumi protested. “Oh, wait you aren’t necessarily talking about sex.”

“No I am not,” I said. “So shut the fuck up.”

“What’s happening?” Wrex asked Garrus urgently. Garrus quickly explained. “Hey, way to go, Shepard,” Wrex said, sounding impressed.

“What have you told Kaidan though?” Ash asked.

“Nothing yet,” I said. “I’m trying to decide what the best thing to say is.”

…..

Naturally I didn’t speak to Kaidan that evening (I love how people think I’m this honourable, upstanding person). In fact I didn’t speak to him for nearly two weeks. It was only on the day before we were due to land at the Citadel that Ash pulled us both into the conference room. “I can’t take this anymore,” she said. “Will you two please scream at each other a bit so that I don’t have to feel uncomfortable every time I’m in the same room as you?”

Kaidan scowled at me. “You cheated on me,” he snapped.

“I did,” I said.

“Why?” he shouted. “Why did you do that to me? Didn’t I tell you I love you like fifteen times a day when we were together?”

“You did, but then you appeared on that stupid fucking show with Snixx, claiming to be, ooh, ‘childhood sweethearts’ and the ‘loves of each other’s lives’,” I shouted back.

“That’s better,” Ash said. We both ignored her.

“We never said anything about being loves of each other’s lives,” he screamed.

“Whatever,” I snapped. “It was fucking implied.”

“Yeah, and I wrote to you before the show aired to warn you,” he shouted. “I only did it because my agent said it would make me look good if I had a girlfriend. I couldn’t bloody well say it was you, could I?”

“I only got the bloody email like two weeks after I saw the show aired, by which stage it was too fucking late,” I screamed. “Anyway, why Snixx?”

“Why the fuck not?” Kaidan shouted back. “You fucked Hackett, although now I think back, maybe you two do deserve each other.”

“If we could tone down the swearing and avoid insults,” Ash said tentatively.

“Shut the fuck up,” Kaidan and I both shouted at her.

“Why couldn’t you trust me enough to know that I wouldn’t cheat on you, regardless of whether you got the email or not?” Kaidan shouted.

“If I can’t trust myself enough not to fuck up a single mission, how the fuck am I supposed to trust you?” I shouted.

“Oh am I supposed to feel sorry for you, Jane?” he shouted. “Fuck you.”

“Yeah?” I shouted.

“Yeah,” he shouted. “Fuck you, fuck your horse, fuck your mother, fuck your fucking emotional bullshit. I’m done. I’ve had enough.”

He stormed towards the door, seemed to have a change of heart and stormed back towards me. I thought he was going to hit me, and I braced myself, knowing from experience how strong his uppercut was. Ash seemed to think so too, for she said, “No violence.”

He ignored her. “You still seeing him?” he demanded.

I wasn’t expecting this. “Huh?” I asked.

“Hackett, you still seeing him.”

“No,” I said. “I broke it off with him a few days after you.”

“Why?” he snapped. “If you weren’t going to continue seeing him, why did you break it off with me?”

I opened my mouth to say something along the lines of not wanting him to string him along or hurt him or not deserving him or something, but for some reason, I found myself saying, “Because I was pregnant.”

This time it was Kaidan’s turn to look dumbfounded. Ash’s mouth was literally hanging open, her eyes wider than two saucers.

Now it was out in the open, I couldn’t retract it though, so I went on to say “The day I broke up with you was the day I had the abortion.”

Now Ash’s eyes looked like they were in danger of falling out of her head. Kaidan looked as though he was on the verge of a heart attack. I waited a few seconds, and when I couldn’t take it anymore said “Um.”

Kaidan shook his head violently. I could only imagine what this conversation was doing to the build-up of charge in his implant. “I can’t take this,” he muttered. “I need to get out of here.”

He stormed out of the room, slamming the door loudly behind him.

I sagged. “Well, that can go down as officially the worst conversation I’ve ever had in my life,” I mumbled.

“Oh Janey, was all that true?” Ash whispered.

“What do you mean ‘was all that true’?” I asked. “Do you honestly think I’d make something like that up?’

She studied my face. “No, I don’t think you would,” she said. She pulled me into a hug. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I had no idea.”

“It’s alright,” I said. “It was my own stupid fault.” My face ached, and I was afraid I was going to start crying.

“Jane, it takes two people to make a baby,” Ash said, laughing.

“Don’t worry, Hackett got quite a whopping in the end,” I said. I stepped out of her embrace.

“That’s why you were so depressed,” Ash said. “For like three years or something. I thought you were pining after Kaidan or something.”

“Yeah,” I said.

“What changed?” she asked. “I mean, why did you stop being depressed?”

I sighed. “The sun kept rising, and I realised that life carries on,” I said.

“That’s a Mass Effectors song,” Ash pointed out.

“Doesn’t mean it’s not true,” I said. “I don’t know. I guess I just realised that I couldn’t change what happened. It was too late, and wallowing in self-pity wasn’t helping anyone.” I picked at a loose thread on my sleeve. “Kaidan’s never going to forgive me, is he?”

She smiled understandingly. “You still like him don’t you?” she asked.

“Doesn’t matter if I do or don’t,” I said heavily. “He’s with Lisa. Anyway, it’ll complicate things on the ship if I were to fraternise.”

“You deserve a little happiness, Jane.”

I pulled hard at the thread. “So does he,” I pointed out.


End file.
